Hi All I wanted to write something out of my comfort-zone and decided to write a non-consent story set in the Middle Ages. However, I didn't want it to just dip my toe into it - I wanted to write a dark story for a very dark time in history... the First Crusade. Let me know what you think. Is it too much? I'm open to making changes as I'm here to learn. https://chyoa.com/story/The-Crusader.14106
I don't write much outside my comfort zone: it's a pretty big patch of real-estate in here, but more power to you, I guess. (If I wanted to push my boundaries I think I would choose a homosexual story over non-consent, but maybe that's just me...) However it's clear you've done your research, and for that at least, I may commend you.
I love the idea of this story. My only complaint is that somehow the sexual and emotional and humiliation impact should be more present (in the worst kind of way). It's easier IMO to make fantasy characters relatable than historical characters or even characters from other contemporary cultures, both for the same reason - fantasy characters can easily have surprisingly the same culture and background as something familiar to what the reader expects, just in a different setting; or a culture that can be summed up in broad strokes that are easy to understand, if not otherwise relatable. In real life cultures and values are (ironically) often far more alien than one finds in sci fi or fantasy or of course contemporary literature of a familiar setting to the average reader. You've done a good job of making your characters real, and historical. It will be harder to make them *relatable* such that the emotional impact of their actions and reactions have the desired erotic impact. I don't have a solution for you, and I like your story, and nonconsent; I'm just pointing out some of the inherent difficulties in writing realistic culture-specific erotica.
Sooo ... hmm, your character is already dead? Think i'm gonna quote Loeman. Personally i'm inclined to give non-con a go every now and then, but here i couldn't relate to the crusader and didn't have the time to do it with the girl either.
However it's clear you've done your research, and for that at least, I may commend you.[/QUOTE] Thanks so much, mate. Appreciate your kind words.
Thanks for your thoughts. You come up with some very interesting points that I will have a good think about. I've never written fantasy, but maybe I will now - seems a tad easier with what you have told me.
Yeah I killed him off in attempt to make the rape perhaps a little more palatable. Sort of karma. Maybe not the right thing to do. In the future I might write a new scene following on from the first chapter, with a different outcome.
Oh ... you really did it ... that's ok, i suppose. I was just kidding, imagining he got just badly wounded or something like that ... nevermind. I understand what you mean by 'palatable', but that's a one trick pony. What's your idea other than focusing on non-con during crusades? I mean ... you have a plot, do you?
It's possible that he could do some sort of The Divine Comedy-esque story where the crusader goes to "Hell" or some equivalent and gets tempted by demons or monsters while trying to repent. However, that seems like quite the deviation from what the story's meant to be. That is - "a dark story for a very dark time in history"
I was thinking of making her his slave... then he slowly falls for her. But its nothing more than an outline at the mo
That's a start. I suppose you focused more on the thematics, rather that actual plot. I must say that fetish-locked stories are a bad way to spend time, energy and, for those who have any, talent. Not that is bad to have a preferred fetish, i just don't get those "Blowjob galore" or "Star wars: Revenge of the Anal Raper". It is limiting. Sketch a story in your brain, set the main character, the POV, what drives him/her and, for starter. Then try to figure out his/her possible goal, possibly what kind of challenges can stop its way. It can be porn, but it's also a little novel nonetheless. I know i can easily sound like a want to teach you, but it is not, belive me. I'm just an obvious-lover. This a something that came to my mind reading this thread, again this is just a compulsion of mine, not 'that's how you write a plotline'. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You character, after a battle in which he gets to demostrate his valor, is put in command of a fort, kind of castle, in relatively safe region. Maybe after having gotten hurt( to save his lord ?) ( ... if I rember correctly, I beg you pardon if I don’t, I didn’t do my homework , during the crusades there where periods during what crusaders took control of vast regions, even Jerusalem at some point, and held them for while, establishing even a ruler, a puppet king of some kind ...) As lord of the castle, you have many servants and a number of local girls have been also forced to join. One of them could even be the one who hurt you - You, as a true holy knight, feel bound to honor and justice and couldn’t fight back a woman (quite uncommon for the age, but still belivable for a true knight ...) As the days pass as lord of the castle, feeling totally in control of the girl(s) lives, hurt in the body(crippled?), you (your Main character) start to change. Distant form the touch of your lovely wife, confused by this southern land and its exotic perfumes, you start crave for the hypnotic dark eyes of the girl who cut you leg. The other servants where surprised, not so much given your character, when you decided to spare her life, so they won’t proably oppose to any punishment you will deem like just. The combination between the horrors of war, feeling total control over the girl(s) life, lack of the usual social constrictions, isolation, lack of family, lack of sex, seeping desire for revenge, are the feeling driving the knight and favouring his mutation into a cruel jailor, hiding behind the will of chastising the infidels. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And that's just it. I really don't know if this is the take you want to have on the matter or a more 'i'm totally bad and i like to rape girls day and night, i just need an opportunity', i like greyish characters better tough.
Wow. Thanks putting so much thought into your feedback. I'm now working on plot an idea or two. Such as having him survive but severely wounded, then put in commend a of small backwater fiefdom. Will keep u posted Pretty much each to their own. But agree with not getting all the superhero / SW tribute stories.
I'm happy you appreciated, hope you find the spark. I was referring generally to those stories build only around a specific fetish (oral sex, anal sex but also impregnating, interracial, non-con ...), but whose plotline is nearly nonexistent. I can bear 'gonzo porn' only as a movie, sorry. The SW reference was just a silly mashup of titles i belive i have seen in the past, i didn't want to point to a specific story (even though the reference is even too obvious ...), so i came up with those. I'm really not much into superheroes, so i can't comment on those. Of course these are just my opinion, not universal truth. Not even general consensus, by judging likes revenues, to be honest ...
