This is my first original erotic story and I'd like to know what y'all think about it. It's an embarrassment stripping story so I'm wondering whether that's supposed to go in exhibition/voyeur category. Most importantly, I've been thinking about going back and editing/changing it to be 3rd person instead of 1st, that shouldn't be a big problem because I haven't written too much, and nobody else has written for it. Thanks for any feedback you can give. https://chyoa.com/story/Enm-at-work.14491
I have now written enough more to become confident that first person was the right choice. The category has been changed to exhibition/voyeur to match all the other CFNM/ENF stories here. I would definitely love some feedback or advice regarding the story, so thanks in advance to anyone who might help!
Bumping because I just discovered that "ENM at Work" became story of the week somehow! I'm still really hoping somebody can help with some feedback, I've been working on this CFNM story for about 2 months now, and produced 58 chapters for it in that timespan, along the way gaining confidence in both my writing ability, and creative decisions, but receiving little in the way of criticism. There were 3 chapters written by helpful contributors, and if anyone here is interested in writing for it, I would happily help you edit your work, or even send you the plot ideas I haven't used yet. So please, if you have anything to say about, criticize, add to, tell me is awful, comment on, or correct about my story, please do! I love you.
I am going to reply here because no one else has, even though I don't have much to say. In specific though I do have the following: 1: The decision to move this to Exhibitionist/Voyeur was a good one. 2: I have not read the story, which Is why I have so little to say. 3: I am not going to read the story: because the idea of being undressed in while surrounded by strangers or at most aquaintances horrifies me. 4: Furthermore, I'm not a fan of embarrassing situations at the best of times, so I would derive no enjoyment from it. 5: I'm glad you feel your writing skills have improved. 6: To improve your writing skills further I suggest you adopt a story outside your existing skill set and write for it as well: perhaps devoting a single chapter a month at your present pace of output. I hope that was helpful.
I like that there is at least one long, solid line with a definitive end. I think some of the other options are truncated and undeveloped, but that's not atypical. Writing is fine for the content - like Nemo, not really into embarrassment - my only real criticism is that there aren't a lot of real decision-points within the storylines.
I'm half joking when I ask you what you mean by that. But for the most part, I'm just one guy who can't write quickly, so while I'd like to beef out the story threads—and will come back to some of the shorter ones soon—the main thing I'll try to improve in my writing is speed. If I can get faster at writing without sacrificing quality, I should be able to address your primary criticisms simply by producing more content. Thanks for the feedback, I love you!
You keep on point, you keep in character. A few quibbles with spelling and grammar, but not enough to fuss about; we all have those. The flow of the paragraphs works for the format - small paragraphs are easy to read, none of the chapters are too long. Judicious use of bold/uppercase for effect, but not overused. You don't use three-dollar words when one will do, and the writing tends to be fairly lively and keeps the action moving - good for the pace, even if some of the spanking enthusiasts would probably enjoy a few longer, more detailed scenes; but that's all down to individual taste.
I can't thank you enough for this, what an incredible dissertation you wrote up here! Glad to hear that my characters don't seem inconsistent or anything, agonizing over what little dialogue there is must have paid off. I'm not sure if they're grammatically incorrect sentences so much as syntactically insane sentences, but thanks for the heads up. I write mostly on a phone, so I typically have no idea what the paragraphs look like on a computer's monitor, but will try to keep in mind that they can quite comfortably be a little longer. Also, now I need to make an extended spanking scene. And I really can't thank you enough, again, for all that you wrote up about my work, it was super insightful, and I'll try to utilize as much of it to improve as I can muster to mind in the future!
