At the Cabin

Discussion in 'Story Feedback' started by johnhoftb, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    So, I was thinking of throwing some ideas and concepts on my main thread and see if they work or if I should stick with the current plan. For example, the idea of Victoria getting herself involved with a slightly older guy, like Peter or a new character and the possibility of Kurt and Heather having a brief fling after the fact that makes her split from Zack happens.
     
  2. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

    Re: the orgy, I like the idea. Zingiber's lead the charge on the Taylor/Hannah/whoever-gets-in-their-way pairings, and Vain and Yarkoz have done a bit with it as well, but there aren't (to my memory) all-out full cast gangbangs. I also agree with Henrytemp that the build-up is what's sexy in a lot of these pairings, in addition to the actual sex being depicted, but I don't think you have to sacrifice the one for the other if you have the lead time to make plain the unresolved sexual tension in both cabins. Victoria wants Zack and Dustin; Brandon wants Victoria and Ashley; and with Shawn gone, Kendra wants someone but doesn't care who. Just like that! It doesn't have to be directed at anyone in particular, but everyone should come to the game already horny.

    So! Logistics. As far as gender imbalance goes, it would be simple at this point to write Shawn off and invite Lisa to one of the cabins. I guess that one depends on whether you want people paired up one-by-one or allow for couplings of three or more. And, you know, bunch of teenagers out in the woods: booze could make the inhibited members of the group more willing to go out on a limb and jump on a fun opportunity. Or those who don't want to join in could be fluffers, performing oral sex on spent members to get them eager again.

    (And for people getting sexual in front of relatives, that really depends on the nature of each relationship, so I'll let you call those ones as you see them. Personally I don't shy away from the more incesty threads.)

    I also like Zingiber's suggestion that Cards Against Humanity, or some variant thereof, be used to kick things off. Two ideas for that to help speed things along:
    > Strip CAH: everyone except the judge and the winner have to remove an article of clothing at the end of each round.
    > If someone hates their cards, they can return cards to the deck and draw new ones, but they have to remove an article of clothing for each new card.

    Now, here's the thing. The orgy could also make for a nice launch point for some of these new plots you're cooking up. But, I'd imagine an orgy like this would be either so over-the-top and intense that, if it wasn't the very end of the story, it would living right next door to the end. So my question is, if the orgy is on day five, how many days do you envision would come after that until the main plot concludes?

    PS: I swear I'm writing new threads! I've got a few with Shawn/Taylor coming up tonight or tomorrow.
     
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  3. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Very good suggestions, Patzo. I guess the first thing I should say is that the orgy would be an alternate thread, on my main thread it'd just complicate things (I think). I'm thinking about setting it on the fifth night because of the setup that would already be there, Victoria likes Zack and thinks fondly about Dustin, Zack is divided between Vicky and Heather, Chloe and Gavin are on the verge of becoming a couple, Heather likes Zack and is rediscovering her friendship with Kurt (not to mention being someone who loves sex), Brandon and Ashley have just broke up and maybe they want to experience new people (Victoria for him and any guy for her), Lisa still likes Zack especially after their wild night at her cabin, Kurt just got reformed, Peter likes Hannah, Taylor and Hannah are there for the ride (especially Hannah, who doesn't say no to a good old fashioned fun), Kendra might want to see if the younger brother treats her better than the older one; to sum it up, everyone is a little ready to go. Of course, it can always happen on a new thread starting from the beginning, but aside from everyone getting wasted on booze and/or drugs, I don't see it happening (unless someone has a really creative idea, lol).

    I love the incest pairings as well, I only meant that in the orgy scene they would have to be handled with care so it doesn't seem like a random act. Like everyone else, I'm always thinking about the build-up, its intensity has to match the orgy scene.

    Another point where the orgy can happen is on day six in my threads, just before Shawn attempts to rape Victoria, as there's a few more developments which would make for an interesting scene in my opinion, such as Zack/Heather and Chloe/Gavin becoming couples, Victoria having regrets over how she treated Zack the night before, Brandon lusting over Vicky, the presence of Heather's father Robert and his young girlfriend Leah, Taylor having had blown Shawn the night before but refused to have full-on sex.

    P.S.: I look forward to your new threads!
     
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  4. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    Funny story, I'm replying to this from the dentist's office, and I'm waiting for the Novocain to settle it, lol.

    Quick thoughts (I'll elaborate later) -- the orgy idea is fantastic, but for reasons already stated, getting some of the characters involved would be difficult. That's why I developed the erotophilia threads, something external to lower everyone's inhibitions, make them realize certain aspects of themselves, and send them down that path. Some would be more greatly affected than others, but everyone would roughly get to the same destination. I do like the concept of CAH though, and I would like to see, say, a more reserved Chloe gradually open up to the concept instead of a grand transformation.
     
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  5. Zingiber

    Zingiber Really Really Experienced

    Writing to solicit follow-up contributions or suggestions for Ashley's secret weapon to finish Heather off after some wicked tongue-lashing in the follow-ups to this thread (where Ashley has already demolished her big sister Hannah and Hannah's lover/Zack's big sister Taylor with a sneak vibrator attack):

    http://chyoa.com/story/at-the-cabin/thread/um-well-yes

    With all the frustrated sexual energy from Brandon teasing her (and from Ashley teasing him back), you'd think Ashley would be in more of a hurry to take care of herself as Hannah suggested, but she's reveling in acting out on the girls who are actually getting some.

    -Z.
     
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  6. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Zingiber, my best guess would be for her to pull up an outrageously big strap-on from somewhere and finish Heather off with that, but there can be other ways.

    Yarkoz, that's my main concern on that scene, to get everyone on board. Much like your brilliant erotophilia idea, it'd have to be something that sweeps them with excitement and leaves everyone horny, hence my idea for some kind of sex game. On another note, I don't know where I got the idea that there was an uneven number of males and females, there's exactly 7 men and 7 women, but of course, I might tweak things to allow Lisa's presence, maybe even Jennifer's or another male ranger like Colin or Ryan.
     
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  7. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Alright, so I haven't really worked much on my main thread over the past week, and the reason that happened is because I really felt I've wrote myself into a wall there, the story started becoming too dramatic and heavy, whereas as the alternate threads are showing, some light hearted themes are much more fun and entertaining to write. So, what I'm going to do is to rewrite most of the sixth day of my storyline to adjust everything to my liking.

    Figured I'd also share with you guys that big twist I was promising, since I probably won't use it anymore. Heather's father would reveal to her and Zack about an one-time affair that her mother had with Zack's dad almost nineteen years ago, creating the possibility of the two of them being half-siblings, seeing as Robert didn't require a blood test at the time due to being afraid that she wouldn't be his daughter. Zack and Heather would then have to keep their distance of each other at least until the exam's result came back, all the while fighting the temptation.
     
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  8. RicoLouis

    RicoLouis Really Really Experienced

    Orgies are always better with more women then men. IMO any ways. Don't cross the streams or penises.
     
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  9. johnhoftb

    johnhoftb Experienced

    Hopefully, you're keeping the old threads. Someone (maybe even yourself) may end up wanting to come back to the previous threads and ending the story you wanted.
     
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  10. johnhoftb

    johnhoftb Experienced

    Another idea on the orgy, maybe a combination of strip poker and truth or dare. I personally don't know the rules of CAH, and truth or dare can help set up some epiphanies a character might have for another.

    One other idea I had was effectivly having a public partner swap in the living area which would dive into a full blown orgy when each character sees another which would interest them. The main idea though is, like others have said, the build up.
     
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  11. johnhoftb

    johnhoftb Experienced

    At least another day or two to have each of the characters ponder over what happened during the orgy and maybe one more sex scene between couples/groups.
     
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  12. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

    Hey, it happens. It has been getting kinda dark there towards the end. I wasn't expecting you to have Shawn try raping Victoria with the others right outside, especially so soon after movie theater shenanigans and titjob in the woods. How far back are you gonna branch off this new series? Because said movie theater and titjob are pretty hot, and it'd be a shame if they were removed from the canon.

    Also, if you don't mind me asking, how were you planning to build up to the twist? We don't really know much about Zack's parents and are just now learning about Heather's, so presented without context, it's quite a swerve.

    Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. The different plotlines should be mostly resolved before or during the orgy, and then the next day is their last at the cabin, so everyone is packing up and mulling things over. The orgy is for crazy explosive orgasms (hence the "climax"), while the denouement is about achieving emotionally resonant orgasms.
     
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  13. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    RicoLouis, I think I agree with you on the idea of there being more females during the orgy, maybe the 14 characters at the two cabins plus Lisa and Jennifer.

    johnhoftb, I'll keep the old threads, I always keep the old ones whenever I want to follow a new branch. I'm also partial to a mix of truth or dare and strip poker (strip truth or dare?), since I don't know the rules of CAH myself, but I can look into it and see if it fits the scene better. I don't know how the whole orgy would unfold, but I the way I'm envisioning, it'd probably be better if it was a collaborative thread, so anyone who wants can participate.

    Patzo, the Shawn scene occurred to me when i made him corner Victoria, I figured that since she saw right through his plans, he'd try a last desperate act, but this is one of the scenes facing my cutting axe. I honestly don't know yet how much it's going to stay the same or get cut, but the idea is to revert all the way back to the first thread of day 6 (the one where Zack and Taylor wake up) and work my way from there again; I'm having some ideas about the girls planning to con Shawn into revealing his plan to Victoria and make her forgive Zack, but a few incidents may happen along the way (like the movie theater shenanigans and the titjob or even change the girl who goes with Zack back to town). The build up to the twist was happening with subtle clues, like Zack noticing how much Heather and Taylor looked alike or Taylor joking that she and Heather were going to be sisters now that she and Zack were dating. Robert had already gotten upset when he saw Zack and Heather together because of his secret, and all of it would be revealed on a thread where he would tell them the whole story (maybe with a couple flashbacks). Then Zack and Heather would have to fight temptation to not sleep together (of course they would fail).

    Back to the orgy, it most certainly won't happen on their last day at the cabin, since it would require me or someone to write through 14 days of story, that's too much just to get to a single scene. My idea is to set it as a branch of day 5 on my threads, at night (the same night Yarkoz is setting his erotophilia threads). I think there's enough development to make for an explosive scene; I'm thinking it'd begin with them going to the bigger cabin and just enjoying a party at first (Lisa would appear as a guest of Chloe's, probably), then Jennifer would arrive telling them that a few neighbor cabins complained about too much noise. With the party essentially over, Heather would invite Jennifer to stay and someone would suggest the game of truth or dare.
     
  14. Zingiber

    Zingiber Really Really Experienced

    You'll want to keep your eyes closed for some of the Hannah-Zack-and-Gavin threads, then.

    You do have a good point about the balance, not so much about boys together or not, but that everyone tends to have a nicer time at a party if women are close to 50%+1. Civilizing effect, I suppose.
     
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  15. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    I don't mind threads with the boys together; I wouldn't write it, but I don't mind if someone else does.
     
  16. johnhoftb

    johnhoftb Experienced

    The Brandon-Chloe-Zack threads were hot as well. Not entirely too sure if there are any other MFM threads in the story at the moment though.
     
  17. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    The way that you, me, Patzo, and Zingiber would be fantastic for that, I agree. We could trade off scenes (One of us focus on a couple, another on a threesome, etc.), or just write whatever. Either way, it'll be awesome.

    Logically, that makes sense. The Heather/Zack scenes can still happen, but in a different context. I also enjoyed Heather's confrontation with Victoria, where experience collides with naiveté and forces Victoria to mature a bit. Though, I can imagine Heather in this version of events be a bit more acquiescing to Zack's feelings for Victoria and wanting to see him happy, could take the lead in forcing Shawn's hand. Perhaps literally. I like to imagine Heather having quiet, directed rage at times :)

    It's still a great storyline. I mean, I've read darker! Like johnhoftb, maybe you'll come back to it!

    Good setup -- I'm not that familiar with CAH either, though it's hilarious. Strip poker/Truth or dare/Spin the bottle is incredibly common in erotica (CHYOA being no exception), but I think that's because most people are familiar with it. I personally don't mind it, and I'll admit I actively seek those stories out.

    There's also Gavin, Heather, and Brandon (I think) in the same thread by Vain, but I think that's it, and I'm looking forward to more! I've been contemplating a few more in my next round of erotophilia (mostly to save writing time admittedly, lol).
     
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  18. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Yarkoz, it's a great system; since I'll probably focus on this orgy branch before reworking my main storyline (I still have some planning to do), I'll start writing today up to the point of the truth or dare game, where it'd make more sense to start trading off (unless someone has a few creative ideas for starting switching during the party). I'll make another post here when I get there, so we can plan on how to do it.

    I like that scene too, and it's probably the point from where I'll start the changes. Victoria will be a little more stubborn on seeing the truth on this iteration, so the girls will cook up the plan of conning Shawn into telling her the truth. The plot I have in mind for now is for the other girls to each take a turn trying to cheer up Zack while Taylor works on Shawn, but all of them will end up fooling around with him in the process (Heather's scenes at town will fall into this context now, so I'll just have to copy it and change some dialogue). Then when Victoria knows the truth and becomes willing to listen to Zack, I can have her know about the other girls, putting her into a situation of choosing between becoming furious at Zack or letting it pass, perhaps throwing in a love interest for her on the side, like Dustin or a new character.

    About the aborted storyline, it's not so much because of it becoming dark, the point is that I wasn't finding it fun to write anymore, then when I looked back, I've realized I could make the changes i wanted just by going back to the start of day 6.

    Agreed on the truth or dare, I guess these kinds of stories become popular because it's very easy to pair up whoever you want while making the characters do whatever you want without the need of writing too much. It was a story like that, "The Afterparty" by cloontang1, that made me want to start writing here at Chyoa and it was one of my biggest sources of inspiration when creating "At The Cabin". I've also toyed with the "spin the bottle" concept while contributing with cam's story, "School Vacation to Rome", and it has been sometime since I've wanted to try a similar plot on "At The Cabin", so it's great that it can be tied to the orgy idea.

    Yes, there is a scene between Gavin, Brandon and Heather on Vain's threads, shortly after the Zack/Chloe/Brandon one. I'm curious to see what you're planning for the erotophilia threads!
     
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  19. Zingiber

    Zingiber Really Really Experienced

    I was poking around the thread titles and having trouble finding Brandon-Chloe-Zack. It's a darned big story. Vain's, are they?
     
  20. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

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