I've been writing and releasing my first real thread this week in the Cum Addiction story. I've been writing and scrapping stories on my own over the past month but these are the first chapters that I've actually published on CHYOA (or any site). I would really like some general feedback on what people think of the story as you will see from the couple time's I've been begging for it in the comments. I put a lot of effort into writing these but I am a new writer so undoubtedly I am going to make a lot of mistakes. Anyway, if anyone wants to check it out and provide me with some much-needed feedback I'd be happy to hear anything you have to say. Link to the start of my thread: https://chyoa.com/chapter/Jamie---18,-a-normal-guy--with-two-moms.560163 I'm including a poll in this thread as an attempt at getting as much feedback as possible but what I really would love is some actual comments/criticisms.
The quality of the writing so far is excellent, the characterizations are good and the family dynamic (outside of Jamie's relationships with either Malerie or Emily) seems well established. The intensity of the scenes are good and the premise is solid for the material; not only that but the language used is easy to follow and flows well. All-in-all I find no faults with it. In addition there is definitely a good amount of quantity. All of the threads you've added so far have been of a considerable length and this is the only place where one could possibly find a problem. (I've also been know to write some longer threads.) In an effort to rush through it to provide suitable feedback I found myself skimming over much of the later threads. Sometimes long threads seem daunting to casual readers, while others look for those big additions. It all really depends on what the reader wants. But yes on the whole I have to say the content is excellent and you may want to consider reworking your poll question to be more positive.
That makes me so happy to hear! It's so good to hear such positive feedback on my writing, especially on my first story. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I'm actually kinda shocked to hear that your only concerns are the length, I have considered that myself and considering that there is no best way to satisfy everyone there I have just decided to write at a length that I would prefer. Just in case you were wondering I do have plans to fully flesh out the relationship of the twins in upcoming chapters, the reason I gave so few details on them so far is because until recently I haven't been sure what to do with them. I'm really glad to hear that you are able to follow the flow of my writing well because I worry a lot about sentence structure and whether or not I am being confusing. If you wouldn't mind me asking, would you care to share your thoughts on how you thought I did with describing the features of the characters (I know I've really been focused on Sarah I'm trying to move away from her soon) as well as whether or not I went overboard with the descriptions of the "sex" scenes? Imagery is one thing I really want to get better at so it would mean a lot to me if you could provide me with any feedback you might have.
Well, I can safely say that your depictions of the sex scenes didn't go overboard at all. However, in all honesty, you descriptions of the characters could use some work. Do the characters have long or short hair? What styles do they wear their hair in? Your descriptions of Sarah and Mandy's breasts are great but what about body type? I assume Mandy is fit as she is a personal trainer, but is she visibly muscular or does she have a little bit of fat over her muscles to cover the hard lines and smooth out her figure making her look more curvy? Is Sarah physically fit or does she carry a few extra pounds? If she does are those pounds isolated to one area or spread out to make her seem voluptuous? Eye color? Hair color? Skin color? I know Mandy's blonde with almond skin but what about Sarah? Or any of the sisters? Or even Jamie for that matter? Or perhaps you did mention these things and I just skimmed over the character descriptions...
I think this is definitely my biggest weakness. When I was writing practice stories on my own I found that I tended to go quickly very overboard on character descriptions (or so it seemed to me). So what I have been trying to do in this thread is withhold "unnecessary" details until they became relevant to what Jamie was currently doing (because even though the story is second person I am writing it with the mindset that every word is one that Jamie would actually say/think at that given point). I will definitely start giving more complete details of the characters in the next few chapters. Thank you for pointing this out to me.
