https://chyoa.com/chapter/Introduction.567756 https://chyoa.com/story/Real-Waifus-Bang-You-CYOA.25075 Tell me how you feel about them. Note: I will be updating RWBY CYOA in the next few days so no it's not dead.
Not super familiar with RWBY, so this will be more about the writing. It's very linear, which isn't bad for a story starting out, just remember that if you are planning any branches to have appropriate decision points set up. For example, in "The Calm Before" the question is "What happens in "The Grinder"?" and the answer is "The Grinder." Which doesn't actually give the reader any idea of what the Grinder is, because it doesn't really answer the question! So what would a hypothetical second path be? No idea. Writing style has a lot of telling-versus-showing. For example, when you write: Doesn't really sell the moment, does it? How would the narrator have sensed that? As an actual physical chill? A murmur of unease among the crowd? Sudden puddles of urine? Sex scenes so far are enthusiastic, which is good, but could really use a bit more loving detail. For example: It's four paragraphs but it could easily be eight or twelve. It just feels rushed, when this is really the moment you want to relax the speed of the narrative and really dig into detail. Who is where, who is doing what to whom, what it tastes like, what it feels like. Think about like a pro and what that would actually mean to a virgin getting their first blowjob. How would you describe a 5-minute porn video of a blowjob, from the point of view of the guy getting sucked off? Would it just be four paragraphs, or would it be longer? (Keep in mind, everyone has their own tastes, and if this is sexy enough for you, don't re-write it just to please me.) Couple little typos like this one, you might consider using Grammarly - which is what I use to help keep the typos down a bit: If you haven't already, you might want to outline where you think the story might go - what scenes and events you want to write about, and plot how to get there from where you are. It might help focus your writing a bit.
Yeah I will try this in the future. Yeah I ain't a pro at writing sex scenes. In fact these are my first two times of writing smut. I should imporve as I get better and I will take your advice into consideration. How do you feel about my other story?
Okay, I looked at the Bimbo Virus. Couple more typos are evident, most especially on the first page in the title ("decency"). I like the overall set-up, but I'm a little lost as to what the intended plot is. Normally with bimbo-fiction, there's either a focus on the process of transformation (bimbofication) or the enjoyment (bimbos being bimbos). The viral scenario would work with either or both of these, but it doesn't really seem to be going anywhere yet - that is, you have three separate branches going (nothing wrong with that), but nothing super-sexy has happened yet.
