Hi all! I'm new to both CHYOA as a whole, and this forum. At the age of 28, I'm currently in the process if writing my first piece of erotica - although I did write up some fantasies about my school teachers back in the day! I was hoping you creative souls could offer me your thoughts, and any advice for this piece or future works I'm planning. https://chyoa.com/story/Office-Crush.27523 Basic synopsis: Set in London. Horny Indian guy is attracted to pretty Indian colleague - she rejects him - they become distant - he sleeps around a lot to get over her - she comes back into his life with some dark revelations. There's also a teased concurrent incest arc, because why not. Looking forward to anything you may have for me EDIT: One thing I'm aware of is that my story isn't strictly a choose your own adventure. Is that off-putting for people? It would have taken me too long to do justice to more than one direction. Cheers!!
There are plenty of stories that are fairly linear, or start out linear and then branch out. If you do ever decide to go the branching route, you'll want to change the ending questions to something more than "What's Next?" - provide some decision for the reader to make. Stylistically, you've got some big paragraphs with lots of dialogue stuck in the middle of them; that can be a bit tricky to read. You might want to break that up a little bit. For example, this: Could be written as: There are a couple little grammatical errors sprinkled here and there in the story as well, you might want to look into using Grammarly or something similar to help; I've taken to using it in my own writing to try and make things cleaner and easier to read. Plot-wise, I think you're doing fine so far. It's more focused on plot than sex, which works for a lot of readers, as they like to get invested in the story and the situation. The incestuous plotline might be something to explore in a sidebranch - "Anisha's Story" or something like that. After the encounter with Henna there's potential for consequences too so I think you've got a good bit of material to work with.
