Hey folks! I'm always kind of scared to ask for critique but in this case, I'm wondering if I should implement something new that I'm not certain about. I needed to reach out before I get too far. https://chyoa.com/story/The-Goodbye-Girls:-A-Story-of-Subterfuge.28019 With the upcoming chapters (not yet released) I was thinking of implementing something called a Cool %; the idea is if you keep chipping down a girl's defenses and get her towards 0%, by utilizing her kinks and weaknesses, you'll get to interact with a sort of unveiled, crazier version of her kinda. My problem is that I am worried by doing this I may be gating content off unnecessarily. I'm sort of worried I'm just going variable crazy and that element would be better as just a natural progression over the story that's not tied to any stats. I'm also worried that between the Cool %, the affinities numbers, and the check variables, I'm just making a lot of extra work for myself. What do you think? Would you be interested in that sort of thing in general? If you were playing a game, would you want to feel like that was a reward for the specific characters you focused on, or would you be kind of pissed that focusing on certain girls missed out on that stuff for others? I'm under no illusions it's the kind of game people will play more than once. (Of course there is the option to check the sexy scenes without being in game mode, but a fair amount of text will be hidden, more so the further you go in.) If anyone has any games experience, I'd also love to hear how crazy you get with variables yourself, or if you try to limit yourself more than that.
There's a concept I consider when planning stories that I call "density of ideas". So, let's say you have, initially, 10 things (story beats, decision points, game mode mechanics, whatever) that you want to see in your game mode story. We'll call these main things. Each thing needs a bunch of other, yet-to-be-determined things, in order to be supported. We'll call these supporting things. For instance, if one of your main things is that you want the player to become more powerful as the story develops (e.g. in an RPG), then you're required to use one or more variables to represent that power, and you need to consider decision points that will influence that power level, etc. This is where a lot of CHYOA stories mess up: they don't include supporting things. However, supporting things lack the same passion and depth as main things. It can feel like a chore to come up with things just to support another thing. As such, it's inherently better when two main things end up filling the roles of supporting things for each other. It's like your ideas just sort themselves out. The benefit is that you're cutting the less-interesting supporting things out. The more you do this, the more consistently interesting your story will be, as it's more densely populated with the ideas you care about most. Additionally, it will become conceptually simpler, but it won't lose depth, because you're not discarding any main things. With this understanding, I believe that in your case, including both Cool % and Affinity would be redundant. Do you have plans for the Affinity variable that don't involve the revelation of a more 'unveiled' side of the character? Do you have plans for decisions that would influence Cool % but not Affinity, and vice versa? While there is some difference between the two, I doubt the Cool % would actually be missed. It sounds like you just want it as a means to an end, where Affinity already provides that means. Density of ideas is also applicable to multiple branches. I quite like the idea of scenes and plot elements that actually take some level of attention and investment in the story to reach. However, they should not be merely 'extra', but in parallel with something else. Consider this: is there any path you could possibly take in your story that's inherently less interesting than another? If so, cut it. Every ending to your story should be a main thing. There should be no outcomes that exist to make the others look better - either introduce something unique and interesting to that outcome, or cut it. For example, in a story I'm currently (gradually) planning, I have an ending where, to be brief, the protagonist doesn't "end up" with anyone. However, the events of the story so far have changed the protagonist such that they go down a path in this ending that they would not have otherwise considered. Here, an absence of certain decisions does not make it uninteresting, but merely interesting in a different manner. In other words, endings should be worthy of a place in your story in their own right, and not just to make another meaningful. TL;DR: You want more good stuff and less not-as-good stuff, so you probably want to drop the new variable and just ensure you're not letting any of your paths be inherently worse than another.
That seems like good advice... I do think it may be something I can just accomplish with the affinity I already had started. I will just keep it simple after all and maybe tie it back to the opinion on the dossier that changes when you reach different thresholds. Thanks! I had sort of been thinking when you hit the sex scenes you would kind of get this branch of "no, yes (not crazy), yes (crazy)" and thereby let people tailor how much they wanted to reduce the cool meter... but who is going to pick the sex option but not the crazy option? That may explain why the middle option was so hard to write. If they don't like the girl they should just pick no to skip it, lol. Middle option and cool % are probably unnecessary with that in mind.
I read your story and I liked it very much. My favourite girl is ninja with her phone, that is So cute I can't waiting when we could take off her robes and make her submise XD
Thank you for reading and your kind comments. I hope that the next after mission stuff will provide a chance for your character to kind of change their relationship with each member and you'll get to finally use some of the info you've been gathering.
I didn't find enf theme, so maybe it show up in the next update. I like when strong woman get's pulled down by partner.
You and me both, friend. I definitely had that theme of strong women in vulnerable positions in mind when I thought this story up... Hopefully the new stuff to come will satisfy.
Thank you. If you have some time, I would invite you to read my story, Adventurer's Perils. Fantasy settings with party of girls and one guy, but it is more story than game. And it is writen tougether with others writers.
Hello, I liked last chapters where we get chance to fuck a boss. I hope we will get a chance to make submise every girl, but most I would like to Vanessa, ninja girl.
Hey, I think you'll like the next free time update coming. It may take just bit longer than usual since there is a lot to add this time, but I thank you for continuing to read.
One small question. That weakness and strong point of character in the beginning, it only adds more status to girls. You don't plan to use them later? And when I could expected next update? In this week or next?
Weakness and strength at the beginning reveals some hidden text throughout various chapters (besides giving a few beginning points of one affinity). I don't intend it to affect which chapters you can choose, though, just scattered hidden text. For instance, if you chose Weakness for Video Games, all that will change is you get some Despedida affinity and your character will often understand her video game references! And I would imagine an update is coming by the end of next weekend, unless I take a break to write part of a different game story.
