Greetings, people of the CHYOA forum. My second story on the site just hit 50 chapters (well, 52, but... it makes sense, you'll see) and I figured it'd be worth asking for some feedback. The Lord's Companion is a linear narrative about a young elven woman who is acquired by the Lord of Humans as part of a diplomatic exchange. In comparison with the Elves, the Humans are rough and brutish, but as she discovers, there is more to their culture and the Lord himself than meets the eye. To elaborate would be to spoil the story, but I can assure you, if you enjoy high fantasy blended with erotica, and appreciate a somewhat serious tone, you are certainly a member of the target audience. I've put a lot of thought into the plot and world-building, and as such, The Lord's Companion takes itself a bit more seriously than most CHYOA stories. This also means it's somewhat slow-paced in terms of sexual content, which is why I recently took the liberty of adding direct links to the most explicit scenes. Basically, if you're just looking for a quick wank, this might not be for you, but if you're seeking adventure, intrigue and erotica in equal measure, please don't hesitate to check it out. Feedback, suggestions and other comments are all welcome.
You put A LOT of work into this. You're really achieving immersion, and I get a real sense that there's a world outside of just the characters, so kudos for that. Very much has the high fantasy feel of great import and epic scope. I think you've really achieved what you're aiming for, and it feels very Tolkein-esque and shows a lot of both respect for the source material and some fun graphic sex. I think you've got a lot of potential to take this in a lot of ways, and totally should keep working on it. Right now, for me... it's a decent story, and you will be getting a like bomb shortly in appreciation. Good Proofreading, at least far as no typos that I saw... overall... you know... Good work. Felt like something you wanted to READ which always makes me happy. Anything more than that, and we'll get into my nitpicky taste which... is why I write too. Overall, was fun, good possibilities for other paths/ Bad ends if you WANT to do them, which not everybody wants to write, but everybody seems to want to read... Along with incest. Seriously. First thing people will ask for. Probably involving the heroine's kid... So you know, GOOD call putting the warning on the front page. Aaaand I may have dropped JUST enough likes to take you to 420... Because you know, It's 420 somewhere.
Thanks! I'm really glad to hear that you find it immersive. It's always good to know there's no glaring errors I've missed. And yeah, I understand that there are certain common trends on this site - like incest, for example - but not all of them are necessary or appropriate for every story. I try to make my intentions clear so that a reader doesn't get through thirty thousand words of content before encountering something they can't stand; conversely, I don't want anyone holding out for a fetish that's simply not happening. I appreciate the feedback!
I've still got a lot more to read, I feel like brev can gun it at about 10x the speed I can. But rather than wait till I finish the whole thing, just wanted to let you know that it's a really nice blend of sort of a classic fantasy novel and a smut story. The tight focus and the hints of intrigue all throughout the chapters I've read (as well as a rather significant elf fetish I'm nursing right now) have made it a very enjoyable read. A good case study in focus on the story and let the sex fall where it works, I say! If I come up with any actual useful critique I'll let you know, lol.
Just want to say I've put this story on hiatus until the 27th of June. I have a preference for writing ahead for editing and continuity purposes; due to various real-life circumstances, this isn't currently possible. For those interested in reading it, there's still a solid 65 chapters or 53,000 words of content. Again, the next chapter will be published not this coming Saturday, but the Saturday after.
For anyone who stumbles onto this thread and wonders if it ended here, I did in fact publish the new chapter on Saturday and the story is back to its regular updates. Currently up to 70 and still going strong.
Just finished reading through this story to the current most recently published chapter so I figured I should offer my thoughts on a story that clearly continues to have a lot of work and love put into it. So far, I've enjoyed it a lot. The characters and setting are well-realized and it feels like it's taking place in a unique and living world. I like the hints of intrigue and stuff going on behind the scenes that the reader is only teased about, which makes me want to continue reading to find out more. It's all well-written and I appreciated the slow-burn towards smut that makes the eventual sex scenes much more satisfying to read even if they were a little outside my particular tastes. It works well as a serial type story with the self-contained scenes each leading somewhere and appropriate cut off points that add urgency. A couple small critiques I had. I'm not sure if I misunderstood something early on, but I got the impression the Lord has some hidden objective he's meaning to accomplish on his journey, and if that's the case, it does feel to me like the mystery's dragged on a shade too long. While the side quests like saving Lavender and fighting the Ogres were fun to read, as they went on longer they did start to feel like distractions and removed urgency from the overarching main story, making it feel like it's fallen by the wayside almost, especially now that it looks like the Lord is meaning to return and drive out the Ogres a second time for the sake of the Cuprians. Now that Eluin has the Lord's trust, I wonder why she hasn't just asked him what's going on. My other complaint is more like nitpicking, but I did find the way the characters spoke a little jarring at times, especially how they sometimes used complex, high-fantasy vocabulary even in times of crisis or urgency. Hope that doesn't sound like I didn't like the story, because I definitely did! I thoroughly enjoyed working my way through the narrative and look forward to more of Eluin's adventures.
Thanks for the feedback! There are some things you mentioned that I already feared, and others I honestly hadn't considered, so I appreciate all of the points you've raised. At 63k words, the story has accidentally become one of the longest things I've ever written, and I understand in hindsight that the pacing might be rather wobbly. It is at least reassuring that you've understood the plot exactly as I intended, but again, I may have erred in raising certain questions too obviously and too early, then seeming to forget them as the immediate story progressed. The protagonist is supposed to be slightly unobservant or not totally grounded, as she has an emotional stake in the story that obscures her thinking, but I didn't want that to mean the reader is abruptly caught off guard when things are revealed. My solution here was to write certain scenes that have a deeper meaning in hindsight (the start of chapter 16), or scenes that are mysterious but not immediately important (second half of 8). It occurs to me that I may have included too many of the latter, leaving the reader with too great of a disconnect with the protagonist. I can see now that it's annoying to leave plot points dangling for too long. Also, I can assure you that none of the characters are going back for anything. This current 'arc' is going to be much closer to the main story. The story has pretty much reached the point where everything starts to unravel (unRavil?).
Updates have been... extremely slow lately, but I just posted the first new chapter in over a month. If anyone thought this story was dead, it is certainly not. When I'm writing at an average of one or two sentences a day, it takes a while, unfortunately, but I'm still writing. It's just been hard to find the time in the past few months. This story won't stop being updated until it's finished, rest assured.
