I only found out about this site because I found a link to an Emma Watson story. I have a story in mind for this site and indeed have written the first chapter - well to the point where the story could go different ways. Obviously being my first story here I'm feeling a little protective and a little nervous about revealing details before it is complete and would rather people couldn't add threads until I've at least put a few chapters down. Themes are Mind Control/Possession which obviously lead to non-consensual sex with acts pretty much unlimited except by the restrictions laid down in this site. So there will certainly be no bestiality, acts of extreme violence, or sex involving under 18s. Aside: I understand the reason for these restrictions but I do find the last one a bit strange since the are many works of fiction (some explicit, I can think of one written by a member of the UK House of Lords!) in which characters under 18 have sex. Even on something as wholesome as "Glee", where the line "Heavy petting" has to be edited out of their version of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", Artie has sex with Britany when be must be years under 18. I'm not looking to start a discussion on this, as I'm sure there have been ones before, but I assure you I will follow the rules. Although there may be deaths, one at the start and none involving sex, there will certainly be no dwelling on gore and violence as I dislike it myself. Although I am fairly sexually experienced, I think I might struggle at first with the sex scenes so please be gentle with me. I don't know whether to start contributing straight away, pending approval, or to wait until I have written several chapters and branches.
For your own story: You could release your actual work in private story mode. So you can write until you think, that it is time to change it to open mode.
Most readers and fellow writers are normally pretty nice about their comments. A lot of what is said is meant to help improve a story, so please don't get too discouraged if someone does leave a comment that points out flaws. I wont lie though, there have been people that have left messages just to be jerks. Fortunately that problem is mostly resolved. Good luck with your story and welcome to the site! Feel free to ask anyone on here for help if you need ideas. Part of the fun here is getting to work together with other writers. I've got at least two or three writers I have bounced ideas off of over the years and I can see an improvement in my own writing thanks to their advice.
Come on in, join the club! The community here is pretty awesome. Our one jackass has since been removed by Friedman, the site admin. If you have questions, ask. A great many of us are more than willing to bounce ideas around. I've been working with Fallen on one of his stories for a few months now, and it's been a blast. Just having another mind to bounce random ideas off of and ask questions of you does amazing things for breaking writer's block. Post it in private mode, and toss a link up in here when it's ready. I'll definitely have a look at it!
Lol yeah I'll take a look too when its ready and give you any advice I can. Jealco has some great ideas so if mine isn't good for you I bet his would be. Can give you a list of several good writers with great ideas that are worth talking to if you find yourself in a bind.
Thanks for all your support. I'm having some difficulty because I did have a divergent point at about 500 words which I mentioned earlier but to be honest it would have led to a lot of repetition as the set up is important. However I've reached 2500 words, so they are flowing freely, and expect the split to happen shortly. I'm not quite sure how that fits in with the private mode rules on length or whether I have to put in some artificial splits. Also coming up with a title is trickier than I thought so maybe I'll need help with that. It certainly has scope for other people to extend from the idea and, although you might have guessed already from the stated subject matter Mind Control/Possession, the story isn't necessarily over if the narrator dies. Obviously I will welcome any input and constructive criticism.
There's no real length limit on a thread. I write some pretty long ones myself. So long as it sets the tone, and lets the split happen afterwards, it should be fine.
Lol trust me, Jealco can add some long stuff. I've had to do some artificial splits a few times just because I was worried about thread length. I don't count words, but I know that if I really get going, I can easily hit over five thousand words within thirty minutes to an hour. When inspiration strikes, it can sometimes be best to simply let it all flow. I don't know any of the rules and such for private mode so sorry, I can't really help there. Title stuff can be tricky at times. My newest story (Still need to do some actual work on...) took a good bit of thinking on. I would need a little more information on the characters and background of the story to help with that. If you want to PM me some details, I'll give whatever aid I can in private so nothing is given away if you like. Deaths in a story can be both good and bad. I've currently got a character in the works for my newest story Power Play that I can't wait to see die. He's just that much of an ass that he truly deserves it. But the thing there is that if a death happens it needs to flow well with the story. To basically recap a conversation I had with Jealco, a story without sex can be good. Sex with no story really doesn't draw someone that is in it for the art as well as the thrill. And a story that has both in balance can be simply divine. Death happens, in both life and stories. Make it interesting, but fitting for the story. Even the ass I want to kill off might survive if it makes the story better. But trust me, I plan on putting him through hell to make up for it if that happens. Lol by the way, I was reading your introduction post again. For the record, there is quite a bit out there in the world that has to do with under age sex. Most of it I think is "Off Camera," meaning it is heavily implied that the act happened, but not actually seen. The characters might even say "Hey guess what I did with that hot math teacher yesterday!" but for a lot of it, the actual act isn't shown. With this site being for porn (Yeah there are some here for the art, but to be honest a lot of what is on here is simply porn) and quite a bit of that action actually being described in great detail (Or a small paragraph by some...) then that cross the line a little. In the part of the world I live in, 16 is the legal age of consent. Actually had to look it up because of a buddy of mine hooking up with a girl I would have sworn was under age.... 18 is where most places seem to agree on youths having enough sense to have sex in a smart and consensual way. Considering how horny fifteen year olds can be in this part of the world though.... (Also please excuse all the asides I do in parenthesis. I enjoy making comments that are slightly off topic yet still somewhat attached to it. I do it IRL too so it is basically just a part of who and what (An asshole) I am.)
Here's the first draft. I might change some of it but it gives a good idea of the story and obviously there are a lot of possibilities. The split is going to be either take a risk with WPC Dobbs or see what happens at a student (over 18) party. Either way the sex will come. https://chyoa.com/story/6200 I wasn't really sure what the subtitle meant and putting in a proper synopsis kind of gives too much away. Also I put Mind Control as the category although this could go anywhere, certainly BSDM is planned pretty soon. Finally you might think why can't he fit the WPC's visit and the party into the same evening - well he's not as young as he was. One crucial element was that I wanted to make Mind Control difficult. Too often it's use a device, get a harem, or controlling everyone in a room. With the restrictions in this story, the controlled person is almost like a golem just being programmed one step at a time and as the changes aren't quite instantaneous you have to think about it. Also as hinted at, this entity isn't really interested in what you want. I need to work on the exact rules. 16 is indeed the legal age of consent where I'm from and everybody knows that, but if porn is involved absolutely 18. Mind you the local bookshop sells "de Sade" and he's probably the most H/C porn writer in history. My next door neighbour's daughter was 14/15 when she hooked up with a 19 year old biker and they went camping ... It's kind of a denial of reality, but necessary for the good of all.
I read it. That actually sounds like an entertaining start. Well-written, well thought out, and while long, serves it's purpose. I like it.
Awesome, I enjoy the dialogue and reason for the abilities as well as the interaction. Some constructive criticism Use paragraph as 'actions' similar to the dialogue. It makes it easier to read and comprehend than a single wall of text. I believe it helps me see what I may want to edit or add to as well. The beginning happens a little confusingly fast. At first I didn't know if the protagonist was the one driving the Porsche 911 at first. I read another author mention ending every post with the protagonist making a 'decision'. I think that makes a lot of sense. I also believe intending to keep posts around 200-500 words each makes it easiest for readers to follow along. Even with contributing posts on another author's work we can create multiple posts in a series, that will be there for the author to approve or disapprove. Keeping a post short allows yourself, and other writers {when you are comfortable with it} greater opportunity to branch the story out. I think it may also help the reader feel more engaged with the story as they 'click' on what they want the protagonist to do... Even if its just a Hobson's Choice at the time. Hopefully you already saw this. However, even when when you are ready for a story to be "public" the author still retains control of the story. They are able to approve and disapprove every post. With this story, of course, the author would be you. Just wanted to be sure you knew you still retained control.
Thank you very much for the review. I'll address these points one at a time. The paragraphs: I am totally aware of this - yes believe it or not, it was even worse. Because the story has such a fast start I was seeking paragraph breaks but it was kind of difficult as there aren't many natural pauses. Hopefully I'll be able to improve on this. The quick start: As implied in the first answer, I really wanted this break neck start. Obviously this gives a problem with a co-operative story because I'm not really building the background to the character straight away. I did say "The Porsche 911 rushed past me" ... maybe if I had said "past my Jaguar" it might have been slightly clearer, because then the reader is aware there are 2 cars. Length: I think the dialogue makes it longer than it could have been, but I guess the voice in the head kind of forcers that. Originally I had a decision point after about 500 words which was whether to go the hospital or not leading to the scene with the nurse but the whole initial conversation with The Demon was much longer than I anticipated and I didn't want to write an almost identical conversation where he skips the hospital. Hopefully my other posts will be much shorter. Once we get into the sex scenes (apart from the first one with WPC Dobbs, because it is necessarily rather quick) then naturally choices can be made during sex. Private and public: Yes I was aware of this but I guess it's early on and I didn't want to upset anybody. I'm going to work on the police woman's branch tonight and then the party. In the party branch he leaves quite early with one of the girls and what I was thinking is if he stayed at the party, then I could leave this to other authors.
I hope I'm getting the hang of this. Added 2 more threads to the WPC Dobbs branch. It was one but I thought in the middle that the protagonist might just want some one-off excitement, whereas I planned more with her, and of course this nicely fits into the advised 500 words - even though you can probably tell I want to write more. There are more paragraphs too.
I look forward to reading more. For my writing the length I think of more as a suggestion of intent instead of something that curbs writing. Sometimes I write a few hundred more but normally in my writing I can find a point where the protagonist makes a cardinal decision before that. ChYOA hardly makes creating multiple posts difficult. With the latest post, since Dobbs arrived with her partner did she have something official she wanted from the protagonist? I mean besides him fucking her over the table; Because it just seems odd her partner was there if she was there with a more personal intent. I am hardly a police officer though so *shrugs*. I hope this helps. Seemingly to me, most authors write a single sentence at most for a Synopsis. My impression is that it is more an objective overview. Such as "After a traumatic event Doe realizes he is special and begins wrestling with his inner demons." Just enough to give a reader a better idea of if they will like it, while still being vague and undefined.
The reason for Dobbs's visit is official and was explained by the phone call, but yes I did kind of skip over it in the 2nd thread, because I spent a long time explaining the scenario in the 1st thread. She hasn't gone there with any intention other than to do her job. The relationship between the protagonist, less in control than he thinks, and TD is one of working together towards mutual benefit. To give one more piece of information TD feeds off the level of intense pleasure/dopamine and the best way of getting his supply is by the protagonist having sex, but he doesn't need to explain that even to the protagonist! I was expecting the synopsis to be longer than that but if it is 1 sentence what is the subtitle for?
Just added another 2 parts to Demon Head: https://chyoa.com/story/6200 After the 1st part he can decide to: Just shop and maybe find out a few things Fuck the shop girl. I've written option 1. which might lead to some more fun with the shop girl in the future, but option 2. is open. If someone else writes 2 then they can do one of the following: Just fuck and dovetail into option 1. above Just fuck, but not have the conversation in option 1 meaning no link between Bella and the shop girl is made so go to the next Bella thread Go wherever you want abandoning the Bella thread
If you mean you are interested in others submitting posts for your approval? For that to happen, first you want to go to "manage stories" then "edit" link next to the story and then shift the mode from private to public.
Two more chapters added on the party path. The first allows for anyone to continue at a potentially wild party. No plans myself with that path. The second allows anyone to continue with unlimited cam sex acts, although I have further plans for Janine so she mustn't leave the room, well not without the camera. I'll do a bit of tidying and hopefully make the story public tomorrow. Update: Lots more on the Janine path, hoping to return to Bella soon. I know where both paths are leading which is temporarily good, but almost certainly ultimately bad for the protagonist. I'm not sure I can release this to public just yet as I have a problem with different sources of dialogue which I've mentioned in another thread. Hopefully there will be a solution.
hrm, I hope others and you enjoy writings that I submitted a couple minutes ago. I had the protagonist start referring to TD as a fae based upon Egyptian spirits of the dead and John Michael Greer's book "Monsters" regarding vampires. The idea is based upon what you already wrote of TD feeding off the ethereal coital energy of the protagonist. I hope you find use for these ideas. The Egyptian mythos suggests that TD was a sapient who found a way to preserve his spirit body after his physical body deteriorated after death. The energy he feeds on renews his spirit body's longevity and empowers him further. If you find use for the Fae idea: Fae are elemental entities with liberty bound by their elemental domain. Manifesting outside their domain inspires them to gain in strength. The more abundant their element is with the Prime Material the easier it is for them to manifest. The Ether being an elemental domain that TD is bound too.
