I was just wondering whether there is some real life event that motivates authors to write erotic literature. I have another account on this site I usually use that to write. I just created this one mainly to ask this one question. I guess I don't want to reveal the other username (even though that is not my real name I don't want anyone judging all my stories based on this question) I am asking this question mainly because I am starting to think I write the stuff that I write(from other account) because of what happened to me as a child. I guess telling someone about it might be another reason. When I was in kindergarten another student(in same class but older) used to make me show her my penis. She would touch it and sometimes even show it to a friend of hers. It was a long time ago so I don't remember a lot but I never really told anyone about this before. It was probably nothing sexual. I was just scared of her and it was humiliating for me. But I just stayed away from her when I could and she left the school after a couple of years so nothing serious happened but I feel like that event changed something in me. I don't want anyone pitying me. I just wanted to ask if there are others who write because of some real life events. It would be wiser to create another account to answer this.
Most of my stuff isn’t based on real life in the slightest. I get ideas from other stories more than anything. All my stories are fantasy right now although I might write some more fetish related stuff later on. All I really have to go on from real life is my short relationships and I don’t have much from those. One was when we were both underage and the other was with someone that is asexual which really isn’t a topic I want to try writing about or at least making a focus. I could add an asexual character but it likely won’t be a main character. I haven’t ever had sex so I have to go based on masterbation and what I have read before.
Pretty much all of my stuff is based on fiction (games, movies, anime, comics, etc.). I have no real life experiences to draw from. I'd imagine what you'll see out there is pretty 50/50 split in that regard. I'd imagine that made things pretty tough in Kindergarden. I do have experience being bullied, not quite in that way. Hopefully you are okay now; good riddance to bad rubbish on early school days!
Writing is a well accredited form of therapy. It it makes you feel better, that's great. If its a way to keep ruminating over a bad experience, well, that's not very healthy and you should really try to avoid it. For me it's difficult to say where my personal experience stops and immagination takes over. They are just too tighly intertwined to each other. Of course my sexual life is a lot tamer that what I write, but that's just a part of it. Beside sex there are plots, dialogues, situations, feelings, experiences, places... I can't honestly tell what part of what I worte came form a real experience and what is made up because neither of the two is 100% one or the other. And sometimes things come out of my subcounscious too. Like some trauma or other experiences which left a mark? Nope, not for me, sorry. I just see sex everywhere
The only aspect of my writing I would say I knowingly take real-life inspiration for is my characters. It's obviously distasteful to base a sexual character off a friend, peer or coworker. However, I will sometimes steal little mannerisms or quirks from people I know and work them into characters. Also, if I need to figure out, for example, how my shy character will react to a certain situation, I will consider shy people I know and think, "What would they do?" In that regard, I guess it's impossible to write without taking real-life inspiration, at least to some extent. There's a reason you know how to describe a breast, or what an orgasm feels like.
You know it is weird I was just talking on another post about how I think stories should not be based on real life and you have a whole post dedicated to that. I think it probably was. You should go to a shrink or police or some other organization that deals with this kind of thing. Posting about these things on a site like this won't help you. Some people might get off on reading about your life. Do you want that?
I needed to develop a central character and realized that many personality traits and difficult moments from a past relationship would fit perfectly in the story. As I wrote some scenes, I was reliving those memories, but from the point of view of multiple characters. There was a sort of relief after doing that, both in reframing my memories and by taking more time to understand my exgf’s experience. I am actively wondering if some earlier, foggier memories would be worth revisiting to make a story out of, even if only for myself.
Most of my own early experiences (up to about 24) are embarrassing, not particularly believable and would probably only work if there was more of a comedy fiction section. I honestly cant think of a way of writing them into a character's narrative that would sound plausible. eg: Once got involved in a drunken 13-way in the back of a ford van in pitch blackness with concert groupies - ratio was 5M8F - sort of by accident -I wasn't actually in the band. Bodies piled about 3 deep. Basically had to check genitalia for who I was docking with, and I still have no idea who I was actually with. No way could I write that shit into a story. It gets worse from there, and I don't think I was particularly prolific before settling down. I guess maybe the fun / stupidity element of it might have inspire writing though.
There is actually a comedy section here. As far as workable story ideas go, that's definitely on the more interesting end of the spectrum.
Most of my stories are pure fiction that comes from god knows where (Freud would have a field day with me). But I do put a lot of BDSM into my stories as that's a part of my life. My partner is on CHYOA and reads my stuff, she often says 'Oh, I know where you got that idea' as it has reminded her of something we did in real life.
Most of what I write is purely based on the imagination and a certain curiosity to explore new territory and understand various kinks and attractions. A lot stems from what I've read in other stories. Don't have an abundance of experience, but what I do sucked or was lukewarm. Though I may occasionally put more emphasis on less obviously sexual erogenous zones such as ears or hair, since that was actually the one thing I did enjoy very much for myself. But then, I identify as asexual so maybe the reason why I write isn't applicable other orientations. Poor sod, don't know what you went through but if I were straight or gay, I wouldn't wanna be in an intimate relationship with an asexual.
Before I asked her out I thought saying someone was asexual was a joke about them self reproducing. I just hadn’t heard the word used differently until then with enough context. When she said she didn’t want to sex... I was surprised. I tried to make it work anyways but it didn’t last long before we broke up. She broke up with me and I don’t remember her exact reason but I think it came from us secretly doubting our relationship plus her talking with her friend. I learned a few things from the experience and I do have some fond memories from that time so it wasn’t all in vain. Maybe it could have worked out if done differently but I have come to terms with the fact that I can’t try dating her again and can only apply what I have learned to the next person I try to date. If I knew and liked someone that is asexual right now I would probably try dating them because a relationship provides more than just sex. I would probably suggest a short term relationship until we have reason to split up and maybe we don’t and work through it. It wouldn’t be easy for me to brake up but it would help me currently so I think it would be worth it. I would also have to work on saying the things I don’t want to as in my last relationship it was hard to talk about. Unless the person I am with is really blunt I will have to get over the nervous part of me that doesn’t want to talk about sex or ask the questions that need to be asked. Like how was she asexual? Was it physical? Mental? Both? I never asked but was curious.
Being asexual also doesn't mean "doesn't want sex", it just means "doesn't need sex". Basically nobody knows what it means, and it's hard to come by a proper description, so if you're wanting to know then here it is: Asexual people are physically capable of having sex, and also still feel all the same physical stuff (feels nice) and everything. They can have sex, they will enjoy sex, all'a that. They just don't have that mental need for sex. Not that people who aren't asexual shrivel up and die without it or anything, but the desire is still there. It's hard to explain because we understand stuff with our brains and we're talking about a difference in the way that brains work here, but I came up with a good analogy when I last talked about this like 6 months ago. Imagine that you were on a planet where eating food wasn't necessary for survival, like how having sex isn't necessary for survival. However, most people on that planet still got hungry -- they can push aside those feelings, or train themselves to be monks and never partake in food, but the temptation and desire is still there. On this world, asexuals would be like the people who don't get hungry. Their mouths are fully functional, food still tastes great, but if they were in a spot where no food was around then they'd not be sweating about it. An asexual person is okay in a relationship where there's no sex, assuming they love the other fella, just like most people are okay in relationships where your partner doesn't like watching movies. The reaction is like an "aw, okay, that's a great way to enjoy each other's company and hang out, but there are still plenty of other ways!". They'd also be fully cool if their partner wanted sex like, 11 times a day -- if an asexual person has some sort of aversion to sex, it's like a tall person having brown eyes; unrelated and coming from other factors that anybody could have. To clear it up a teense more, you're not necessarily asexual just because you'd be okay with spending your life with a romantic partner who never wanted sex. It's more about being like "yeah no worries" about it -- for a lot of people, even if they loved the person enough to stay with them, it would still be a decision that they'd have to make. They'd have a sit down with their mates and go "yeah man, I love her so much, but it's gonna be tough. I hope we can stay together through this.". An asexual person would be like "rad wanna hug". Sorry if I went a bit long, I know I often talk too much about stuff I find interesting, and the way that different people's brains can work is really really interesting to me because it's a completely different worldview and stuff. It was really interesting to me finding out that when your sixteen year old mate sees a woman twice his age in a movie from twenty years ago that he really does think "I'd like to have sex with her", because for most of my life I thought it was all just pretend to look cool (up until I FINALLY heard someone give a proper description about what asexual means and went "righto there I am"). Having a mate who pauses the Tom Holland shirtless scene in Spider-Man Homecoming to take a picture after finding out most of the world thinks differently to me was such a weird thing. I always thought asexual just meant that someone can't fall in love, and it's really cool to me trying to understand the other dudes' thoughts. Odds are, the girl you're talking about wasn't fully read up on the word's meaning either, unless her being asexual was just an independent fact from her not wanting to have sex (which does happen at about the same rate it does in everyone else). Hope that was all leaning more towards interesting to read than eye-straining to read, have an awesome rest of your night!
I recognise a lot of what you say. The relationship I was in was pretty complicated, my partner had just been betrayed really badly and hadn't seen it coming at all. They needed a lifeline to hold on to and ground themselves and I was conveniently close , had some things in common (one of those things being we could talk about anything including sex) and I didn't mind being a bit intimate in terms of providing physical affection and trying out new stuff. An unconventional arangement to spare you any more details. The flame of passion which makes sex so much better never even sparked for me, so everything felt either mildly pleasant but most of the time tedious, boring or flat out annoying. Yet when my preferences were catered for, my partner ended up with unendurable sexual frustration, which didn't do any favours in alleviating the enormous psychological pressure they were under. In the end we parted, ways. But we both learned a lot from the experience, and my partner said that I probably saved their life because I ended up being the only person who was there in their time of need. All is well that ends well, and we're still in touch and really good friends. I haven't ever met anyone that I know was asexual in person and can only really speak for myself. There's definitely nothing wrong with my libido, it works 100% like it normally should. I'm also a very physically affectionate person. Yet I've never felt sexual attraction towards a person. When I've asked other's what it feels like, I have never recognised what they've described and basically react like the bunny does in Bamby when the owl describes what twitterpated means. "That sound awful" Perhaps some of it also lies in trust issues which would in that case almost certainly lie in childhood experiences (though there isn't anything specifically traumatic), though I accord a lot more trust to strangers than most others do(probably due to my multicultural upbringing), after a certain level of intimacy is reached - which makes for great and long-lasting friendships - it's very hard to let anyone in any further for me, and to be frank, I don't think I've met anyone who actually should be allowed any further. Although the trust issue doesn't explain the lack of sexual attraction throughout my life (even in the early years) it could explain, why I remain coolheaded while engaging in various foreplay and the experience consequently becoming mediocre.
Well she is physically disabled so it wouldn’t surprise me if it is a physical problem but it seemed more of a mental one. Each person is a bit different and I wanted to ask her but never did. All I knew was that for one reason or another she didn’t like the idea of having sex or just lacked the desire. It might have come from worrying that she might not be able to keep up with my libido but I think it was more than that.
Trust in your feeling, I'd say. It's hard to tell with a lot of things if one was born that way, or if it's a result of the past. I think it can be hard to recognise the latter, and even more so to admit. Most things I that I know about myself were pointed out at first by someone else. Anyway, back to the topic of this thread if real life experience influence erotica. I had another thought which stuck me recently. Even though I like to write all sorts with a steadily expanding circle of reading genres, I must admit to myself that I get a special brand of gratification from reading m/m and to a lesser extent writing. This is even more so when one of them is or think they're straight. While, as I understand it, this is not uncommon especially for women to enjoy (a phenomenon which still has researches in a confounded debate to this day) I had a thought about why specifically I may get some gratification from this. I thought maybe it could be some form of relief of not having men's sexual attraction directed at myself. And in some cases be a sort of vindication after having been exposed to the straightest of the bunch. (Though it's probably mostly the former since I'm not a particular spiteful person) Having grown up in a culture where soliciting men soliciting women on the streets isn't uncommon, I have grown rather tired of that sort of behaviour. To be clear the vast majority of men where I lived din't engage in such behaviour and were perfectly decent. But Having gotten my first proposal at 14 (that's when all the curves introduced themselves to me) and got them ever since, *sigh it gets old*. Being a curious and fearless person I spoke to many of them at length, so I know for sure that that is what they wanted. I also know for sure that to have taken most of them up on their proposal would not have been a good idea, because engaging conversation, communication and sometimes honest communication was often something which seemed to demand a great deal of effort from them. While, unlike most of my peers I'm not particularly afraid of them since I've spoken to enough of them to be able to put up common profiles for why they ask strangers on the street, and most of the time it isn't deliberately predatory even if it can be very easily and perhaps rightly interpreted that way, after a while the conversations start repeating themselves and it gets OLD. It's like I get propositioned every third time I venture out alone on the street - and that's when I'm dressed like a hobo. If I wear normal clothing (typical jeans and shirt), if the weather is good and if I have long hair It's even more frequent. (never tried using makeup) *sigh* To be fair it's different men every time of course(99% of the time), so I understand that they might be trying to be decent about it and about half are pretty polite about it, but even an even-tempered person such as myself gets fed up about it. (and before someone asks) I've started to give the cold shoulder like most women do, but it doesn't really reduce the number by that much and in the it's not particularly pleasant for me or the other person. It is kinda funny sometimes since the conversation plays out a bit like a Chyoa story where if depending on the answer I give, I get a specific response (after 10 min of chatting on safe innocuous topics) Guy: Say, lets go have sex on the beach. How do you respond? Me: no sorry, I don't want to have sex with you on the beach with your friend (who's been tagging along silently) Why, are you a lesbian? No, not really. Then are you a virgin? Yes That's okay, I'll make it feel good No Then what's the problem? Let's go. That's none of your business So your're a virgin. Don't worry, It's going to feel good. Yes, I'm lesbian It's okay if you're a lesbian, I don't care. Let's go. Why would I want to have sex with you? ... Uh... because I think you're beautiful? *rolls eyes* But I don't care if you think I'm beautiful I think this is where the vindication part comes into play, "It's okay if you're straight I don't care". *lol* By the way all the dialogue above has happened to me in reality and I've received those responses multiple times. I know my guy friend are usually shocked by how explicit the offers can be as well as how prevalent, so that's why I emphasise it. My girlfriends usually recognise the situations but most press the escape button before they manage to get to that stage of offering. Also, I know these are just a certain profile of random encounters on the street. I don't apply their profile to people I actually meet in civilised company or that I get to know.
Ok, I've been writing porn since I got my first word processor. Mostly because I liked reading romance novels, since they seemed to be the only books I could find where the characters actually had an inner life. Occasionally you'd find it in a book for young adults, but I grew up right before the age of the Goosebumps books, when every kids book was telling me that I was a jerk, was born a jerk, and jerks like me would come along and kill innocent animals. (Seriously, age of Bambi, Fox and the Hound and the Rescuers.) And low and behold... Romance novels were pretty well written. And really interesting. Albiet pretty predictable sometimes. So... then I read the writing manuals by a bunch of authors, and the comments about how "Men can't write romance novels"... which I took as a personal affront at the time. And then my ex resparked my interest... and I noted that the quality was going... down. Badly. So I wrote my first romance novel... and it really sucked, since I'd been mostly writing just jerk scenes, because it was HARD at the time to find my fetish. (Now it seems that every story that is popular on Chyoa has impreg. Sniff... I'm so proud...) TLDR: Long Hours in the Public Library without Supervision. And 80's movies that always teased but never delivered on the suggestions.
