For context, I just wrote a scene where my mc gets turned into a clown. Now, I have a very particular opinion of clowns and that is thus: they scare the fucking SHIT out of me. When I was writing the scene I was all "hell yeah, horny" but immediately after I was like: this is kind of my worst nightmare. So my question is thus: have you ever, consciously or otherwise, eroticised one of your deepest fears? They say danger can be arousing, and what is danger if not a synonym of fear. Do you think such can be taken as more of an umbrella ideology, that fear itself can be by nature erotic?
I wrote out a chapter once where the protagonist verbally berated one of the female leads until she started crying. I could not bring myself to publish it because it made me feel incredibly guilty. So I had to completely rewrite the whole chapter. Not quite the same thing, but similar.
I get you. I might do the same had I gone down the same path. I mean, on paper I've written worse actions. Real degradation, but I guess it's a bit different. The way I see it with this kind of writting, malice is in the reaction, not the action. I'd be fine with a character getting verbally degraded to all hell if they enjoy it, but the mean spiritedness of making the character break down into tears? Might be a step too far for myself as well. Thanks for sharing ^^
I entertain a mild clown fetish, myself! My biggest fears are dementia and deep-sea fish, so I haven't stumbled into sexual scenarios with those much. Actually, the deep-sea fish one did come up once but not exactly as a sexual thing...
Dementia is certified not sexy Though I do remmeber reading something hella erotic here involving a big angler fish, if that counts as something deep sea. It was in a pretty popular cyoa. Something about an order of burning roses and "following the lights".
I`m pretty emetophobic, but I'm suuuper into deepthroating and facefucking (with all the gagging and the retching and the whatnot). I suppose fear and desire are interlinked...
I've written a number of scenes of fetishes I don't have just because...it seemed to fit the storyline, or readers requested it...and I tried to do my best in those instances to write them "erotically" as it were. Not sure if I really succeeded, but try, try again.
What I can write depends on me being able to connect with it somehow. I can write about unpleasant things if I'm really into the character. I can also write stuff I like without caring about the characters at all. I have to have a 'hook' of some sort or it just doesn't work. That normally means I never finish it or I never publish it because it's so bad.
I have noticed for myself that if I have a fear of something my dreams tend to put me through it until I build a resistance to it. I also have a tendency about talking to other people or or thinking about it happening. Turning the problem over, and what it would mean concretely if it actually came about. Mostly it has been about death of a loved one, creepy crawlies covering my body or disability. I'm much more okay now with the latter two, while I don't find it pleasant I can tolerate it if it happened to me in reality. Not so much with the first. I know there have been others but I worked through them to the point where they no longer scare me at all, so I've forgotten about them. Don't think I've specifically written anything erotic about it, unless perhaps dealing with some kind of potential rape scenarios (one of those potential risks that may occur, but that I've already thought through and am not terribly afraid of anymore). If I did though, the erotic side would just be there as a pretext to soften the reading experience and make it more entertaining. Like most of what I write I don't actually find it erotic in reality, I just do it as a relaxing and entertaining mental exercise to see if I can stretch my mind to places it doesn't usually go.
So 64 pages in and i just realised that i'm actually in the process of writing a story about gaslighting. Its ok because its supposed to be cute and funny tough(Jesus christ, this just makes it worse)
