What kind of experience do you think improves your writing and stories?

It is always said that experience enhances writing in many ways, but what do you think is the experience that actually contributes to it? For example they say great readers can make great writers, but why and how?

Is it because you’re taking what you learned from the story and apply it to your stories? Is that then copying?

Is it because you see how it is applied and then therefore enhance your experience?

If that’s the case can simply reading or watching be an effective way to gain experience?

Or is the only true effective way to learn through actually doing it?

I’m looking for broad thoughts you don’t have to answer every bullet point but basically I’m curious if there has been a life experience that has greatly enhanced your writing and why do you think it did? Is it because you take the emotion behind it? Understand the concept of it better?

Can you do the same with reading other people’s testimonies and watching their experiences like through porn or a movie or tv?

The tl;dr what kind of experience do you think actually enhances your stories and writing and why do you think it does?

 

Since it’s my question I’ll go first. I think that there are different types of experience some of which you can tap into and use to enhance your writing. For example, I love Piece by Piece by Kelly Clarkson because you can tell she has the personal experience when she tells her story through her song about how her father abandoned her and didn’t seem to love her until she was famous and successful and how she found someone who was able to show her love and prove that she was worthy it. At the same time there are great songs that don’t really have a connection like Umbrella by Rihanna for example. It’s not really about anything and yet it’s good because it’s coming from a good singer or a good artist.

I think you can learn through reading, writing, and observing but the reason why personal experience is the strongest is because there is no longer any doubt or questions of what you are writing because you already know the answer. Fiction can be a beautiful thing because you can make stuff up and for the most part nobody cares because it’s entertaining, but I think that non fiction or stories based on reality are effective because people know you’re coming from a place of authority and that speaks to the reader. They can understand your emotions and get something out of that, but by extension I think that that kind of writing can then add to that reader’s experience and improve their own writing. Basically I think it becomes a cycle and it just goes on and on while one lives it the other learns from it which in turn enhances everyone’s overall approach to life and their works.

 

So, I'm going to open my own thread, with blackjack and hookers.

Wait, are you asking what made me a great writer? I'm not, so...
Whelp, can I still reply? I mean, even if I'm not?
Guess I'll give it a try.

Every write has it's own background and experiences. There's this cliche of the wordly man that sits and starts recounting all his incredibly poignant and intersting and adventurous life.
You can decide to belive in that and feel inadequate for the rest of your writing life.

Lots of great writers of the past were quite the bookish sort and probably didn't move much form their desk (that's what actually takes to be a writer, sit at desk for hours). Deal, most of them were heterosexual, white males, enforcer of patriachy, so we don't care about them anymore.
In retrospective, some of their lives got this allure of greatness, but every great person's life can be seen as "great" in retrospective.
I came across a movie about the life of J.K. Rowling, oh what a tragic and difficult life she had!

Do your experience shape the way you write? Yes!
Do your creed, sex, gender, social status, sex orientation, race (in expressly casual order) do? Yes, of course!
Do you need to do specific things, or have specific experiences or background to become a good writer? I don't think so.

First off, the one thing you need to become a great writer, is talent. Sadly, some have it, some don't.

Then, you have to take it seriously, put a lot of work into it, read a lot(that's more to see how others describe things, rather than get the experience from them) and write about something you care, not something you feel the audience wants. Whatever audience that is.

Lastly, only after all this, if you find your personal exprience lacking in an area and you feel you can't describe something or imagine something and you can see clearly what is it that you lack, then you can think of doing paragliding to see how it feels to have wind through your hair.
But there may be other ways...

 

Again not claiming to be any great shakes at writing, but I don't think personal experience is entirely necessary, being an alert witness to others' experiences and everything else that goes on round about you should help too. Build up your store of characters, anecdotes, hopes, fears, comedies and tragedies from what you see around you and use them.
With that, practice and a lot of talent, you could do anything! <<that and spelling - definitely do good spelling>>

 

Well, my first reply was actually rather vague and possibly a little off point.

If you want to know which experience could improve your writing,I think the short answer would be any. Anything, any experience could, in theory.

If instead you want to know which exprience will improve your writing with a good deal of certainty, the short answer is probably writing.

Lastly, if you want to know which experience I belive has improved my writing, whatever that means, my short answer would be pain.

 

I think there are testimonies to that. I mean sure does personal experience improve writing? Probably, but to think of all the great writers who wrote without experiencing anything in their life or at least not what they put in their stories. They still resonate with readers or viewers. And especially when it comes to the erotic scene, there are just so many things that can be written about that no one can really do unless put in certain circumstances, so the best way to learn is through research, observing, and I do think that it is an effective way to learn if you have the critical thinking and observation skills to understand, learn, and then spin it into whatever story there is.

I won’t try to be arrogant, but I’ve been told my writing is pretty good but I have experienced none of what I write. I think that what has mostly helped me is through observing and learning through others. I will acknowledge I am good at taking what people say, do, or write and turning it around to tell my own stories. Do I sometimes get it wrong? Yes. But I think everyone does once in awhile. As I’ve mentioned I for the longest time thought an orgy was just short for orgasm. Can you blame me? They do look like it. But no orgy is VERY different from orgasm.

There are other things that can be deceiving just the same like 69 for example. I understand the idea but like would that position really be so literal? And the answer is yes. Yes it would basically. I learned that one early though. Actually so early I told one of my young classmates who asked what 69 meant and was interrupted to have someone tell them the G rated version of a perfect fit XD.

What I have found difficult to learn is all about BDSM though. I know about bondage, but there’s so much more to that and sometimes I just don’t know what to google. And I think that is a hindrance for a lot of people is you’re willing to do the research, but you don’t know where to do it. What to search, what to look at, and some definitions don’t come across the way you might initially have thought of it.

But I also don’t think actually doing it will necessary improve the understanding especially if you don’t even know what you’re doing in the first place which can lead to a bad experience and a false interpretation of what it is.

 

For example when you hear stories about former vegans, a lot of it stems from a bad experience. Maybe they had malnutrition and got sick so they were told they need more protein and resorted to meat. Maybe they didn’t like how they were treated while being vegan. There are so many stories from that that don’t really have anything to do with veganism but it still makes sense that they would feel the need to switch back and maybe then because of that think that veganism isn’t an actual good choice to make.

The same could be said for kinks. If you had a bad experience especially a bad physical experience and it was the first time, then you’re going to remember it distinctly. And since you don’t know anything else or anything better than you might not know if there is a better way to do what you did and that may then affect how you felt about it and by effect how you write about it.

 

I've seen some stories that were written in a way that makes it pretty likely that the author has never experienced any of it. Because if they had, they would have written it quite differently.

On the other hand, I'm sure there are authors with the same experience level who write in a way you would never think they hadn't experienced what they write about.

 

I guess it goes with the “fake it till you make it” idea. Some people are good at taking what others have said and turning them into their own story. I think of Gilderoy Lockhart sometimes actually. He’s the perfect example of someone who was able to take things he had never experienced and turn them into something convincing. Of course he was fictional, but I can think of a few people who fall under the same boat in real life. You would assume they had lived what they wrote, but in reality they’re living alone and probably jerking or masturbating someway. Or maybe they haven’t even moved out and are just living through the stories they write. You never truly know unless someone tells you and then after that there’s always the possibility they are lying through their teeth.

 

You can tell when someone has learned something new though because that same scenario pops up in 10 different stories all of a sudden. I know I’ve done that sort of thing where I apply something I’ve learned or an idea that I thought about and test run it on about 5 different stories.

 

It’s complicated when you’re writing about an occupation you have no idea about and have no way to experience. I bet every veteran or serving military officer can pick out every single flaw in military based stories because of that or a doctor who raises their eyebrows at certain physical exam based scenarios or a scientist who knows full well the scientist character is just making up bullshit. I think in that regard experience is really something that makes the story standout to those who already know what it’s like because they lived it.

 

And I think that also ties in with gay/lesbian/minority/racial content is that while I do believe anyone can write those stories. I think there is a psychological barrier of sorts when it comes to truly understanding the emotions and activities behind it. That’s not to say it can’t be learned but I think the fact of not being attracted to say women in real life when you are a woman makes it harder for you to understand what a woman liking a woman feels like or looks like because while you can see so many scenarios involving them you can’t empathize with their emotions. I think bisexuals and pansexual in that case have an upperhand because they understand what it’s like to like both or all people, even if they have never had the sexual or physical experience with either. I know women who just don’t understand the attractiveness of another woman, and it’s not them being bigoted, it’s just them not having the same emotional connection or they fetishize and assume that doing so is the same as what a lesbian feels. I don’t know if a truly “straight” person can learn how to truly write an authentic gay piece, but I think they CAN have a convincing display of it. Or maybe they just haven’t realized they aren’t exactly straight yet. Who knows?

 

I can include a minority character but that also doesn’t mean I understand their culture. It also isn’t just a minority thing but also if I’m American writing a British or Australian character it often becomes VERY apparent because of the dialect barrier and stereotypes that exist. Likewise it’s very obvious when a non-American is writing an American character because they usually either swing country or swing new yorker. Does that mean they can’t write an American based story? No. But it means sometimes there’s just an obvious tell that they don’t know what they’re actually talking about.

 

To focus on that last part for a moment - I touch on this on Tips For Writing Sex Scenes, but it's worth going into a bit more depth. The benefit of reading broadly and deeply in any given subject is the ability to familiarize yourself with a range of activities, settings, personalities, and styles - to broaden your sensibilities and increase the pool of experiences that you can draw on in your own fiction. Synthesis is still important - an average reader might be able to distinguish between a well-written story and a poorly-written one, but might not be able to put into words what the difference is beyond raw mechanical errors (spelling, grammar, etc.) or personal preferences ("I like stories with big dicks" can be accurate, but doesn't delve into why they like stories with big dicks or how to write a good story involving big dicks - and there is no one correct way to write a story with big dicks).

So a great reader goes beyond just reading for pleasure and starts to ee more of the craft of the stories - how they work and how they don't work, how the writer's command of language works to control the pace of the scene or the characterization. Not every well-written bit of smut has to be a complicated literary masterpiece, but the really good ones tend to have a lot of care that goes into them beyond one-handed typing, and might reward the reader who does a bit of analysis before they think to themselves: "I could write something as good as that."

For some writers, this is almost unconscious. People carry bits and pieces of everything they've read, watched, played, and experienced. Whether they consciously reference a work or not, a lot of basic patterns of speech, situation, and character type tend to find expression in stories. One thing that makes a better writer is being aware enough of that process to guide and shape it - like, for example, if you're going to be writing a scene where two dudes have a young woman with her ass in the air and they're both trying to stick their cocks into her butthole at once - that one might require firing up a pornhub search to get the mechanics and set-up of the scene correct instead of just winging it. Going that extra pornographic mile to add a bit of verisimilitude to your erotic fiction.

 

That makes sense I’ve always been a really good observer through my years even as a kid. I can look at something once and have at least some sort of understanding or as long as it’s explained once and I’m paying attention. I have had cases where I’ve had to read books but never actually read them, but I was able to understand the gist and talk based on that. And it’s not like I made obvious errors like saying there was a dragon in a realistic fiction book. But I actually comprehended well not only based on the shortened notes but also what other people were saying. So I guess that goes along with writing skills as writing is beyond just actually writing and more about being able to convey creatively something you have never experienced. It’s the same as an actor or a singer who doesn’t write their own songs. You need to be able to take a story and make it sound like you’ve known about it your whole life. And when you don’t it can be obvious and many would categorize it as “bad acting”. Great acting involves understanding the emotions and saying them as if you are the character and they are your own words or doing as if it were your own actions and making it convincing. Great writing is basically the same with less activeness and more finding the right words to say what you want and convince the reader you know what you’re talking about.

 

Well, they don't know how it is not to be like themselves, so they might not understand how someone could not understand the attractiveness of the same sex.

There might also be big differences between romantic feelings and sexual likings.
So while a woman might enjoy having sex with another woman, they might not be romantically attracted to women at all.

 

That’s a very good point. It does make sense. It’s like how straight women often like watching lesbian porn even though they aren’t lesbian or bi themselves. It’s the interest of filling that curiosity while not necessarily understanding all of the emotions that follow because of that. Or like how cis people often like watching trans porn. I don’t think it’s because people think it’s an exhibit or something, but simply because they have no real way of experiencing it themselves, so instead they watch it out of curiosity or to satisfy the urge they might not be able to do otherwise. Recently I watched Blaire White and she explained how there are a lot of married couples and married men who proposition her in her DMs which is definitely an interesting thing. According to her they take up about 20% and some who request having threesomes. I think that also goes into the idea of not only wanting something they can’t have but just as she said, wanting to “meet in the middle” without the man feeling “gay” or “sharing his woman” and without the woman feeling “inferior” or “sharing her man with another woman” not to say that’s the right approach by using trans people like that, but it is interesting to think about why people would want to do that and I think that goes with the wanting to experience what they otherwise wouldn’t.

 

Explains a lot

 

Actually I can relate to that because while I have an attraction romantically to people, I’m actually not so inclined on the physical nature. That isn’t to say I’m not interested in having sex, but it’s less about that. And sometimes when I watch straight up het porn I’m not as into it. It depends though. I think that’s why I lean for the ENF/roleplay side of porn preferences because it’s less about sex and more about just naked females. I like a lot of the Cali Logan content for example. I think that’s also why my writing tends to lean on the humiliation side or emotional romance and not as much on the physical sexual erotic side.

 

I would put writing and reading (formally published works, not random crap on the Internet) at the top, but I don't have anything to add. Another crucial experience is interacting with other people. There is a quote by Hayao Miyazaki (possibly the most famous figure in the anime industry):

This applies to writing as well. Much of the dialogue I read on CHYOA bears no similarity to the way actual humans speak. Worse is the behaviour of characters, where everyone except perhaps the main character seem to act and make decisions unlike any sane person in real life. Sometimes this is a stylistic choice, but I suspect it's largely because authors don't have the experiences to infer how people might react to certain situations, even if those situations are fantastical. (I suspect many CHYOA users are still teenagers.)

Too many stories are composed with a handful of particular desired kinks slapped together awkwardly, when a more realistic understanding of human nature would enable the author to make strong, believable connections between situations and actions. For example, you can't reasonably write a female character with clear skin, large breasts and an hourglass figure, a traditionally attractive face and long, flowing hair who is bullied for being ugly just because your kinks are beatiful women and bullying. Instead, maybe give her a prominent, unconventional feature like a birthmark, or have her be bullied for something different like a limp. Or, if you're set on this exact situation, perhaps her coworkers/peers/etc. hate her for another reason and they pick on her for something that's obviously not true out of immaturity and to attack her self esteem... but it takes a solid grasp of human behaviour to devise and write something like that. There's a world outside your front door. Good stories don't take place entirely behind a computer screen in the dark.

Also, Humilatron, could you please refrain from posting several replies at once? You can go back and edit posts with the button in the corner.