Ever wondered if you're ever a decent writer?

I'm not doing so hot in the thinking department right about now, so in an attempt to boost my self-esteem, I'm going to ask internet strangers about their own self-esteem.

Now, understandably, there are people here who write erotica and share them with the public because they like to write rather than gain attention or to validate themselves through upvotes and the rare consistent fan of their works. But surely there are others who ask themselves:

"Am I doing my best?" "Do people actually like my writing?" "Am I getting upvotes because I appeal to their niche and fetishes, or because they actually appreciate what I've done?"

And all that.

I personally don't see myself as a decent writer, maybe I should focus on writing for myself rather than primarily entertaining the masses, even if that goes against my philosophy of "If I entertain at least one person, I've done my job for the day."

But maybe you folks have a higher self-esteem than me.

 

As anyone who has spoken to me for like five minutes, knows, I do actually have lot of insecurity and self-loathing and I'm painfully aware, of that fact. I don't think self-critique is necessarily the worst thing in the world, because it enables you to improve. The only truly awful writers are the ones who feel like they have nothing more to learn. When you dismiss any chance for improvement as if it's just he audience not understanding anything, that's just a shield for your own failings. It's why, I'm very against the "Don't like it? Don't read it." philosophy. It's true, that nothing is for everyone, but, at the same time, everything should come with a reasonable expectation of quality. Works are meant to entertain you, and it's entirely within the reader's right, to decide if you accomplished that.

Alternatively, if you let yourself get completely consumed by the one or two who don't like you, you'll drive yourself crazy, trying to please everyone. You'll never always get a 100% approval rating, and while I can rip into the reasons for that, I will admit that even in popular works I find actually kind of bad, I can at least acknowledge when I feel the author is trying. As long as they make a sincere effort to push through and make an effort to share their own works, I cannot fault them for that. Which, is why ideally, I believe authors shouldn't just by trying to emulate whatever's the most immediately successful thing and be working towards finding their own way and making things they actually enjoy, so they can be motivated to deliver out quality content instead of cheap carbon copies.

Ultimately, I do believe self-doubt is a much better tool than pride, when it's at healthy levels. Ideally, you should never allow your anxiety or fear of expectations, to overwhelm you, but, as I can honestly attest, that it's very, very, easy for this to happen. I think what a lot of content makers want is for people to acknowledge that while maybe not always good, they try. But holding onto all of that optimism and idealism when you're surrounded by what feels more like just constant failures in your eyes.....is it really that hard for people to understand why authors can end up jealous and envious when they feel like they need to succeed? Most people do want validation, and they're driven to find it, however, they can get it. I think this is one of the dangers of the internet as whole, when people build their whole identities around this one thing. If it doesn't work, then they internalized this conceptualization that, that aspect is the only thing that matters to their self-worth. This is why, fundamentally, it's important to have fun with it, but, not by becoming a slave to it. Getting consumed for the need for validation is ultimately, self destructive, but, when handled with a healthy mind, it's a incredibly useful tool and even, completely necessary, to keep improving.

But I can only preach this, as someone who severely struggles with confidence, and in this case, invoke the concept of doing as I say, not as I do.

 

I'm not the Edgar Allan Poe of Internet pornography. Then again, the audience generally doesn't complain.

 

I've read enough erotic writers who are better and worse than I to know that I am somewhere in the creamy middle.

 

I don't know about that.
I'm inclined to think that the sort of people who take writing as a hobby aren't exactly overflowing with confidence, but that's just me.

So many times I asked why I keep doing this, or even why can't I just simply do it in my mother language.
I still can't properly say why, really.
Sometimes it feels like a compulsion, sometimes it's fun and exciting, some other times becomes a chore, especially when I get obsessed with trying to please an ever-elusive public.

It's like a seesaw, there are some good days and bad days.
Just don't let the doubts crush the fun you take out of this.

 

This is actually a solid strategy if you're struggling with confidence in your own ability. Use the "Random Story" feature and work out why the given story is bad (the odds of it being any better than "okay" are very low, frankly). If it's a mistake you know not to make, you've found writing that's worse than your own in some regard. If it's a mistake you realise you do sometimes make, then you can avoid it in the future, and everything you write from now on will be improved.

I just did this, and was greeted with the opening lines (forgive me if the author sees this):

Do you sometimes name your characters something other than "John Doe" and "Jane" (presumably Smith)? Is your writing style distinguishable from a learn-to-read picture book made for distribution in first grade classrooms? Have you ever written a dependent clause in your life? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, congratulations. You've found something you do right. Your writing isn't as bad as it could be.

 

I am a good writer, but it’s not synonymous with being a good erotic writer. As an English BA major, I can with authority say that I’m good at writing. But writing to arouse (or in my case humiliate) people is very different from writing to share knowledge or convey a message.

I would say it is equally hard to make someone laugh through writing as it is to make someone actually aroused through writing because no matter how good you are, it all comes down to preferences. Everyone has something different that makes them laugh, and everyone has something different that turns them on:

But yes, I do think I’m a good writer.

 

I AM THE EDGAR ALLAN POE OF INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY!

...No, but seriously I think the important thing is always to write for yourself and judge improvements against yourself. I'm a firm believer in the basic facts that A: I am a member of humanity, B: I like my writing and therefore C: Posting my writing into this amorphous mass of other members of humanity will naturally attract at least the occasional weirdo who has similar tastes to me. There are, what, 8 billion people rolling about out there now? If even the smallest fraction of them are at all similar to you... and you like what you've created, then you will definitely have an audience.

Looking back at my writing over the 5 years I've been here, I can clearly see improvements. I don't know where that stacks me up against anyone else... because its not really a game of stacking. Art isn't competition. It is a long distance run against only your own ideas of perfection. Perfection which is, by very purpose, unattainable. Thus all you can ever do is take one small step closer to godhood, knowing you'll never achieve it... and be glad that therein your passion can never really die.

 

I'm a nobody here, but the question is intriguing. I agree with the collective on this.

The answer, no, I don't wonder, because I'm shit . But that's fine because

1. It's porn. It may be well described, grammatically correct, artistic porn, but it's porn, and the reality is that people reading it are going to like it less for your literary skills and more for whether you've checked whatever fetishistic boxes that particular individual has. More than any genre, you're writing for a niche audience in a niche audience.
2. Selfishly, I write for me. I write stuff I find erotic, and if I still find it erotic after I've downloaded it from my mind to the page, then I've been successful. If something I've written gets attention, bonus! It was intoxicating the first time I wrote, and you can see it in my first story, both in the rate and quality of my pages. As that has numbed, I'm far happier with my work, and I feel less pressure to write well.

 

It's about the "likes" for me, that's how I measure it.

 

I often find myself wondering in a similar position, wondering how good what I'm writing is.
It's almost impossible to really tell, since it's subjective, due to what you've said; themes/fetish in the chapter or a certain character they really like and can visualise, etc.

I'd say the most important thing is that you're still enjoying what you write.
It definitely helps going back to why I started writing on here when my self-esteem is feeling low and I question the quality of what I do.

Plus I'd say the only way you can be a bad writer is when you look back at your work, and can't see any way for it to be better, what you'd do differently.
Also if you're feeling a bit down, maybe look back at where you started and where your writing skill is now, see how far you've come.

 

Don't look at me for finding self-confidence. I am a bumbling fool that had enough of the artificial porn and couldn't find my fantasies in the vast labyrinth of the internet.
I write in English (bad), because I like the language, the writing improves my knowledge (very slowly).
That said (written), I just like to write (bad) and do my (aheum...) research instead of editing (worse), rather than looking for approval rates.
It's always nice to see I am not the only one looking for a certain niche of fantasy writing or certain kink, but after uploading sixteen chapters all at once, it must be said I don't really care about how many readers I can attract all that much. And since I still bumble around, neither do I care about the readers all that much.

 

Difficult to know. I find looking back, some of my chapters are easily 100 times better than others and its pretty clear which ones I gave a shit about and spent time on and which I didn't.
I regularly wince looking at some of them, but I can still appreciate my better efforts so maybe I'm ok-ish if I really try.
I actually have a couple of chapters in non-porn genres that bring a tear to my eye every time I read them, so I guess they're not too bad either. I haven't published them anywhere though because I haven't found anywhere as open and free as CHYOA in the non-porn world.
Any recommendations anyone?

 

I think Wattpad started implementing Interactive Stories… but Wattpad can be a bit 50/50 with moderation in terms of what is allowed and isn’t. Similar to DeviantArt there are pieces that technically violate their terms of service but are left up and others that are removed. So it’s kind of a coin flip of what you’ll get.

 

Thanks H. I'll check that out.

 

Sometimes I think I'm good. Most of the time I think I'm trash, but I can get my brain to go but I'm tricking people into thinking I'm good nyeheheheheh

 

I think there's a difference between being a good writer, being a good story teller and being good at arousing the audience (or amusing them or exciting them genre depending).

I think I am decent at telling a story and creating interesting characters.

I am inexperienced at arousing people within the context of written porn but I think I am slowly improving.

I am not a particularly good writer. Specifically my spelling, grammar and editing are mediocre at best and way below my standard of reading comprehension and verbal delivery. My syntax and turn of phrase is sometimes good but often merely ok. I also tend to find writing a bit of a chore. It's not even writers block, I have what I want to say. I just often find the physical act of typing it out boring.

Point being there is a Venn diagram of skills and factors that go into making a good overall author.

 

I don't have a very good command of the English language, so when I write I often fall on a few basic phrases and words, a sin in writing. I don't think you should beat yourself up over your writing, writing here or on any place like Wattpad is akin to trying to get a graphic design open contract done and have the employer notice your work amongst a sea of hundreds of low effort designs. I've seen 'designers' fall flat at color schemes, contrast, design language while trying to submit design proposals. Likewise, a lot of people can't write well. The average writer falls below the baseline, and works are often just a smudgefest of incoherent dialog systems, characters that feel like they are the same person trying to talk to themselves in different personalities, and then its a whole page full of sex because this is CHYOA after all right.

You may come across a few of the really good authors that do write extremely well, the kind that could work on a paperback title you find in bookstores. If you are writing that well and spend that much effort, I direct you to actually printing and publishing your own novel rather than to spend all that effort here.

As long as you can write a coherent story with believable characters, you are already well above the average writer. I mean, stories here on CHYOA serve a very different purpose than on Amazon books. Write for yourself first.

 

Same for me. I have no illusions about the level of quality of my stuff. I write for myself, I enjoy writing, and I find it amazing that my crude 'literature' gets likes.

I think it means that my plots are actually interesting and\or arousing

 

This is definitely a great strategy to improve one's own writing as a technical exercise.

When I am grappling with self-doubt though, I find it helpful to find a story that I like and engage with the author directly to tell them what I liked about it. IME this usually opens a dialogue which re-energizes me about my own work. Even if they ignore me, it still puts me in a positive mindset.

And not gonna lie, there's some self-interest here. More than once it's revived dormant story threads that I was excited about or led to fruitful collaborations.