Thanks for your input. It is quite a lot, so I’ll have to wait until after work to go over everything. I have considered going back over and editing the first two chapters again. I didn’t polish them as much as I would have liked. The flaw of being your own editor is that stuff will make sense...
https://chyoa.com/story/Ben%E2%80%99s-Mother.63740
Despite the title it’s not incest.
Story is about an older woman and her son’s best friend falling in love and all the obstacles between them.
Making a negative criticism is always tricky as some writers react poorly to even the most well intentioned criticism. I’ve found if you start off with praising something you like About the story it takes the edge off of your complaint. An insult though should in no wise be considered good faith...
You used to could in many states but it was changed in the early eighties because they did not want High School students to be able to buy beer. The idea was people 21 and older would be outside high school kids friend circles.
Currently as stories are updated older updates move along the rows left to right before snaking back to the front of the subsequent rows before they fall off completely.
I propose instead going up and down the columns before snaking to the top of the subsequent column.
The Mobile site Only...