I like to use a lot of dialogue in my stories. When it's only two or three characters interacting then it's easy enough to let the reader know who's talking without putting 'said XYZ' after every line. But, occasionally I've got a conversation going with multiple characters, like 6 or 8 sitting around a table talking. The problem is that I then have to identify who's talking after every line of dialogue, which gets repetitive and looks clunky. I've tried variations on 'said', even using words like 'giggled' , 'smiled' or 'frowned', which I know is technically wrong but it seems to work. I've tried adding the 'said' (and variations) at the front of the sentence rather than the end, which can help too. Beyond that though I'm out of ideas. How do other authors here handle conversations with multiple characters?
I personally do not see myself as a competent author, but sometimes I like adding an action or verb before some dialogue. Partly because I believe that saying "said, said, said" over and over again gets boring, partly because my insecurities tell me that people hate the fact that there is more talk than action, and partly because I think it adds flavor to a conversation. Here's a small example:
Ah, my only(ok one of many ) weakness! I both love and hate dialog with multiple people, precisly because of this issue. One "trick" you can use is to employ distinct speech pattern for your characters that makes them easily identifiable even without the need for narration. In addition, keep in mind that it is sometimes not absolutely needed for the reader to know who just spoke. In that case that information can either be omitted completely or be conveyed at a later point Example "I propose to overthrow the Government!" "Ah, my little Dumpling, that is a wonderful idea!" "You guys are all fucking insane!" In this situation the first line is by Marcie, who gets identified by the second line. The only person who calls Marcie "my little Dumpling" is Marel. The third person, Gina, is the only one who curses. Bamm, all three characters identified without the need for narration.
It's a tricky challenge, but I have a couple thoughts. What is the setting of the conversation and what are the relationships of the characters? When you say "6 or 8 sitting around a table talking", is it a boardroom table or a tavern? Are they a boss and subordinates? A King and his council? 8 drunken idiots? In my experience, most group conversations in a formal setting are dominated by a handful of people. So while 8 might be sitting there, maybe 3-4 will actively be contributing at a given time and when one person steps in another will start to drop back. In that way you are breaking the large conversation into a series of small conversations. You can use transitions to make it clear which 3-4 are talking and which ones are not, then handle it as normal. In a very formal setting, you can cast one person in the role of moderator and have them essentially introduce the next speaker. "Alice, you've been quiet, what do you think?" etc In a more casual setting, again in my experience, large groups will either splinter into smaller conversations or the large group convo will end up as a chaotic mess. - In the former, focus on whichever one the POV character is joining and refer to the other convo by its general tenor and topic (e.g. "Dan, Emma, and Frank started discussing the merits of the barmaids in increasingly lurid detail") so you can characterize them somewhat without trying to sort out who said what. - In the latter, the conversation is going to be hard to follow anyway so lean in. In some ways, giving a reader a taste (just a taste) of the same confusion as the characters can sell the scene). Also determine whether you need to quote the person at all. When you say "even using words like 'giggled' , 'smiled' or 'frowned', which I know is technically wrong but it seems to work" you're touching on a possible solution. If the only reason the person is talking is to convey an emotion, have them convey it physically instead - which focuses attention on the characters who are saying something more involved. Ex: "Very well then, we attack at dawn." Alice declared. "No!" said Bob "Yes! Yes! Yes!" cheered Charlie "But that's suicide!" Dan protested. vs "Very well then, we attack at dawn." Alice declared. Bob hung his head while Charlie pounded the table and roared his pleasure. "But that's suicide!" Dan protested. It doesn't help the verb issue, but if you're looking for a good example of a large group conversation dynamic then read over the play 12 Angry Men. It should be available online.
I'm way more comfortable with descriptions than dialogue, but another thing you can try is having consecutive exchanges between 2 people, rather than complete free-for-alls involving everyone all the time. Not only saves that on the ProperNoun Verbeds, but it also flows more naturally. If I say something, and you reply, then the most likely person to speak again is you, not some bystander who has so far just listened in. For example: "What are you doing, Eve!?" Alice demanded as she surveyed the scene. "Nothing, nothing, don't worry about it." "You're very clearly doing /something/, now tell me what it is!" "Keep your big nose out of it, this has nothing to do with you." "Alice, Alice, it's fine, we're just preparing a... surprise for Dave," Bob said, intervening before the two hotheads could come to blows. "It'll be a surprise all right," Carol added, chuckling darkly as she filled the bucket. "No. I'm not going to let you hurt my friend, not again." 7 lines of dialogue, only 3 ProperNoun Verbeds.
They are great examples, and techniques I use too. I just find that when I have more then 3 characters talking it's so hard to keep it flowing without being clunky! It's interesting that you think people prefer action to dialogue. I suppose with writing erotica it's a little different, but generally, the experts say that the more dialogue the better, it breaks up long passages of writing and is a good way of getting characters talking rather than the narrator. The old advice of 'show, don't tell' comes to mind, and dialogue is a good way of showing rather than telling, which is why I use dialogue as often as possible.
I liken that idea, use the character's name in the speech, instead of said xyz at the end. I'll be using that tip, thank you!
I was giving a general example rather than a specific one I had in mind. The scene in was writing that brought this issue back to my thoughts was with the POV protagonist and 5 other characters, all having a family meeting. It's a fun atmosphere and they are all excited and wanting to chip in with their opinions. I particularly love this suggestion of yours.... "Very well then, we attack at dawn." Alice declared. Bob hung his head while Charlie pounded the table and roared his pleasure. I do use this sometimes but not often enough, and together with the other ideas suggested here I think it will work well, thank you!
Yeah, I do that when there are 2 or 3 main characters talking in a group, the issue I had was that 6 characters, all central to the plot, came together and all had opinions they wanted to air. I got around it but if I'm honest I didn't do it very well. I'll take yours and the other suggestions here and re write it so it flows better. Thank you for your reply, it's appreciated!
I single sentence describing an action before a quote can both let you know who's talking and break things up a bit. Steve slammed his hand on the table. "Shut up! Shut up! Dame Judi Dench is the sexiest actress period!"
"Sweet lord!" Jackie exclaims as he slams his hands on the metallic safe. "We are rich, boys and girls!" <<------ Open the conversation how you wish to, the first line usually sets the stage so an appropriate starter works. Here we are staging the scene with a safe and Jackie being the first to speak, as he is forefront and center at the safe. "Not yet, mister!" Jane struts over and places her palm on his hand, holding it down. "Not until it's opened and confirmed." she sternly says as she darts an eye at the man. <<------ Here we introduce our 2nd character, Jane. We begin by establishing a tonal difference in speech, even without reading the name, you can tell that this line is a direct response so it cannot be from the same person as before, we also begin to establish someone who speaks with a different sass. The room goes silent, as the man and woman clad in bank guard uniforms by the side of the room take a few glances at each other and break out into a giggle, before turning their gazes towards the safe as well. <-- In the third line, we re-establish the setting, building the stage further as we introduce more details about the environment. We introduce characters 3 and 4, and make a distinguishing point about them, being that they are clad in bank uniforms, and also that they are at a distance from the safe, away from both Jackie and Jane, who are physically close to the safe. Having characters too close to each other can cause problems with distance when you start writing actions. "What, you too?" Jackie jests as he winks at the couple, his hand playfully reaching for the safe's door handle. <<------ We return to character 1. Remember that he exists! And as the central character of the stage at this point, we further his actions and reconfirms that the couple is not the same people as Jackie and Jane, by having him talk to them and give a wink. "Open it." the woman smirks, her arms folded as she folds the crease of her uniform back neatly. <<------ The couple replies, and here we use 'the woman' instead of a name. This is important, because we have introduced her as a woman without a name. If you have not established a name linkage, do not throw a name without prior setting up! Also, we mention the uniform again, so your brain recalls the character with the uniform. "Remember, 40 percent." Jane affirms as she taps a few times on the metal safe before backing up a little to watch the reveal. <<------ We reintroduce Jane, as she is standing by the safe and haven't spoken a line in a while. Again, we make her do something at her physical location. Locating your character is helpful as readers will have a visual reference of where everyone is in their heads. Jackie firmly grasps onto the cold handle, as he pulls his entire body backwards while yanking at the safe door. <<------ Back to Jackie. No lines spoken, this is a driver to push the scene forward. "Dumbass." a gruff voice interrupts his failed attempts as Chris steps up to the safe with a crowbar in hand. <<------ A new character joins the conversation! We use 'a gruff voice' as it immediately tells the reader that this is an unknown character that has not been set up properly yet. Here, we use Chris, assuming he has been introduced earlier in previous scenes. We also attach a location to him, namely the safe. He pushes Jackie off to the side, lifts the sleeves of his white shirt up, then slams the crowbar into the handle, hooking it to provide leverage. <<------ Continuation, we also give him a white shirt. Help your reader build the scene! "Hey, tough guy!" the uniformed woman shouts. "If you break whatever's in the safe as well your body is going into that safe too!" <<------ Again, the uniformed woman speaks. Also, shouting is used because she is physically furthest from the safe, where the majority of our characters are, this helps to further reinforce and exploit the use of location. Chris turns his head to the woman and nods. <<------ Chris responds. No words. Connecting action. "Always the one to save the day, huh?" Jane smirks. <<------ Jane speaks again! Notice that Jackie has been left out for a while, this is okay, because Chris has replaced Jackie both physically by pushing him away and stepping up to do the job, as well as in writing when he takes over control from Jackie. It doesn't matter what happens to Jackie now. Again, remember Jane's sass, her way of talking. Keep consistent! "Amigos, why you so angry, we all friend, yes?" the man with the uniformed woman speaks as he shrugs his hands into the air. <<------ man with the uniformed woman, this is a test, and if you guessed the other uniformed man beside her, you are correct! We have located them alone by the side, so you would think of him first. He also speaks very differently! "Finally, the mute speaks." Jane scoffs as she rolls her eyes. <<------ This woman! Although what is done here, is that we are using Jane to confirm that the man before this line has not spoken at all, so it cannot be any of the other characters. Chris flexes his muscles, stretching them as he grabs his crowbar and pulls hard on it, pulling the safe open in a decisive swing. <<------ End scene
If you have multiple scenes with multiple sources of speech, might I suggest you do this is a play? (I've dabbled at writing an erotic one, but not quite come up with the cojones to publish one here yet). I think Shakespeare does it something like this: QUINCE Flute, you must take Thisby up the posterior. FLUTE What is Thisby? a wandering knight? QUINCE It is the lady that Pyramus must fuck. FLUTE Nay, faith, let me not play a woman; I have a beard coming. QUINCE That's all one: you shall play it in a mask, and you may speak as small as you will. We shall all fuck your ass with abandon. BOTTOM An I may hide my face, let me play Thisby too, I'll speak in a monstrous little voice. 'Thisne, Thisne;' 'Ah, Pyramus, lover dear! thy Thisby dear, and lady dear! My rear is here, oh Thisby dear.' Then you can put in action directions and enter and exit characters as required too.
I've done a bit more research on this and come across a great article on Reedsyblog. They've listed 270 words that can be used in place of said! Super helpful article on how to write dialogue. But, interstingly, they say that a writer should not be shy about using the word said. The theory goes that said is often just disregarded by the reader and hardly noticed, where as other words can be more obvious and actually distract the reader and break the flow, so using said most of the time is advisable, and use other words sparingly. It's a great article and the Reedsyblog is generally got lots of great writing tips.
