Spoiler: long example "You never do anything around here!" she hissed, her emerald eyes flashing with a mixture of fury and frustration. Her voice, usually melodious, now carried an edge sharp enough to cut through steel. The dim light of the kitchen cast long shadows across her face, highlighting the tension that had been building up between them for weeks, if not months. Every line of her body was rigid, her stance defensive yet confrontational, as if she were a warrior on the brink of battle. Mark's face contorted with indignation, a vein pulsing angrily at his temple. The overhead light reflected off his dark hair, giving it an almost ethereal glow as if mocking the seriousness of the situation. "That's not true, and you know it!" he bellowed, his voice reverberating off the walls like a thunderclap. He released his grip on the counter and took a step towards her, his movements stiff and aggressive, like a predator stalking its prey. The tension in the room was palpable, thick enough to cut with a knife. Lisa's lips curled into a sneer, her expression a portrait of disdain. "Oh, really?" she spat, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. The fabric of her shirt stretched taut, emphasizing the thinness of her patience. "When was the last time you did the laundry, Mark? Or washed a single dish?" Her words dripped with sarcasm, each syllable a tiny dagger aimed directly at his ego. The air between them seemed to crackle with unresolved resentment, a storm brewing in the confines of their small kitchen. "I work all day!" he snarled, his voice a low, menacing growl that resonated in the confined space. The flickering fluorescent light overhead cast a harsh, unforgiving glow on his face, accentuating the lines of frustration etched into his features. "Do you think that doesn't count for anything? Do you think I'm just lounging around, doing nothing?" He threw his hands up in exasperation, the motion wild and uncontrolled, like a puppet whose strings had been abruptly cut. The room seemed to shrink around them, the walls closing in as their argument intensified. Lisa's eyes narrowed to slits, her jaw clenched so tightly that a muscle twitched beneath her skin. The corners of her mouth turned downward in a grimace of barely-contained rage. "Working doesn't mean you get to ignore everything else," she snapped, her voice rising in pitch and volume like a crescendo in a symphony of anger. "This is your home too, Mark! You should care about it as much as I do!" Her words hung in the air, heavy and accusatory, like the final verdict in a courtroom drama. Mark's face turned an alarming shade of red, his anger boiling over like a pot left unattended on the stove. "Don't you dare lecture me!" he roared, his fists clenched at his sides, the tendons in his neck standing out in stark relief. "I do care, Lisa! But you act like I'm some kind of lazy slob who does nothing but take up space!" His voice echoed through the room, the sheer volume causing the dishes in the sink to rattle ominously. Read the example above. What can you notice at the first glance? The author has a descriptive style and loves their metaphors. And it is fine. How many colorful words to use is an artistic choice and a matter of taste. (Note that I personally tend to skip such bloated dialogues. Reading only the stuff in quotation marks.) What many writers fail to understand - readers perceive text with the speed of reading. If some scene takes a lot of time to read it will feel slow. The scene above is meant to describe a short heated fight. It does not read this way. I often see this in erotic writing. Sure, having sex is described in a few sentences is no fun. But slow, deliberate, and overly descriptive writing of a burst of wild passion or a rapid non-consent scene will NEVER feel like such
I too tend to skip bloated stories. It does depend on the mood I'm in. I did enjoy reading the Lord of the Rings which is extremely bloated but I enjoyed it because I was in the mood for a slower, more scenic story. But when I come to CHYOA, I am not wanting a slower, more scenic story. I want a faster, more exciting story.
Hahaha! That's the type of stuff for which Marcie and Gina will rip you to shreds I call this the "show don't tell fallacy" Some writers take the wrong lessons from it and assume the more descriptive a scene is the better. Funnily enough, "dialog reading" was something I did during my RP days because by god did some people love their narration.
You won't find anything close to the example in the OP in the LOTR. Yes, Tolkien spent some effort describing scenery and appearances but his dialogues are focused on the stuff said.
