So the plan at the moment is to do two parallel-path chapters for each main path chapter until we catch up, then we'll alternate one-for-one. I'm still trying to outline the back third or half of the story; individual chapters tend to have a life of their own, which doesn't always help move the plot along, at least not in the ways that matter. I know this is a pretty obscure story and destined to remain so, but I do want to finish it, flaws and all. Then maybe I'll post it on Literotica or something.
Cleaned up a few typos. I think the parallel-track construction is confusing to a lot of people. (It makes sense to me, but I'm insane.)
More plot, less sex. I don't know if the balance of plot/lore/sex is off on this or just me. First time trying to do several parallel intersecting plot lines.
That was a turn to dark. At first you made me almost dislike Daleman, well written there. Then you made her likeable and now I'm waiting to see how dark this turns. Well done.
We're gearing up towards a Big Set Piece Climactic Event, and there's probably going to be a lot less sex during those chapters. I'm still trying to balance plot vs. porn. Just a head's up.
Just wanted to chime in that I like the story I think you might want to explain the layout though, at least to me it was confusing and I ignored the (presumably later added) Daleman contect (since I tend to read one branch first and the splits later unless its clearly marked as splitting off and back in later). Good choice to have the main chars/heroes being all female given the setting.
Initially, it was just intended to be a side-branch following different characters that looped back into the narrative, offering some different content. But it sortof snowballed. Might be a good idea to add an explainer on the sidebar. Just kind of worked out that way.
Since Middle Earth is implicitly British, we get tea THEN lesbian sex. I thought about starting them out fucking, but felt we needed a transition for all the exposition.
Still a bit action-heavy. I don't think I quite developed enough tension. [/edit] I know if seems like I'm whining a bit, but it's not me bitching it's just that this was an experiment in a different kind of storytelling, and I can't tell if it's not working because the idea isn't sound or if the idea is sound but I can't execute it well enough. It's impostor syndrome all the way down.
Even if I might agree with more tension, I am enjoying this a lot. I don't know if you are consciously imitating Tolkien's style in The Hobbit here but it works for sneaking into what is in essence dragon's lair.
