I read this a long time ago on TV tropes and thought it be something other writers could enjoy. People in fiction don't speak like we do. In Real Life, we encounter: Repetition. Repetition. Stu-stut-stuttering, slllurrring, lithping, or mumbrblnote . Infecting yourself, sorry, no, correcting yourself. Whatsitcalled, um… disfluencies, you know, placeholders while you think. And, like, being all, like, incorrigible with their use of "like." Some sentence when the grammar ain't no good. Stupid people talking like they're god-damned angry, you stupid@#$%razzafrazza*mumblegrumble*... Repetition. Going off on tangents which aren't relevant to the plot. Like platypi. Or falafels. (This is heard quite frequently in fiction thanks to Rule of Funny, but in Real Life it's unlikely that listeners would just let the tangents slide). Making private references or inside jokes that casual listeners would never understand. Isn't that right, Reginald? People getting interrupted hal— Awkward silences and spaces where people… note . Repetition. Verbal Tics, desu. Sneezing, coughing and *cough* *cough*, ahem, and so on. Gasping, hiccuping, e-e-e-especially if you're *gasp* crying. Just letting sentences kinda… Pauses or, y'know, interjections — right? — to make sure that the person understands. Get it? Saying the wrong word by accident, and hoping nobody else involved in the constipation will notice. Being unable to choose from bemongst two words before the sentence comes out and blixing them. Oh, and sentence fragments. Obviously. Mispronounication and neologisms (to describe unwordiness). Uptalking? As if people were pronouncing every sentence as if it were a question? Except the last. Foreigners that use patterns of speech of their native tongue simply because they didn't grew speaking English. More subtle than the Poirot Speak. Disjointed syntax and backpedaling. For example, making a Long List of things, trailing off, starting to move on to the next topic, and then remembering one or two more things for the list and mentioning them, such as "We need eggs, milk, bread… basic, everyday things, you know… cold cuts, cheese, that kind of thing." Impossibly long sentences where the speaker drones on and on but never stops to begin a new sentence so they just keep tossing in conjunctions like "and," "but," and "so" and in that way turn what should be a paragraph into a single sentence… and, unlike in fiction, people who speak this way may also pause at regular intervals… drawing the never-ending sentence out even more. Excessive out-loud description of events or objects in front of the speaker, often to the person performing whatever is being described or to an audience that the speaker isn't actually aware of. Oh, and did we mention repetition?
well when you are writing dialogue most writers tend to leave the stammer and stuttering out of the actual speech but instead imply it. For example. "I would like a glass of water," he stammered out, wringing his hands. and some people put the stammers in "I...I would like a...a glass of wa...water," he said. I tend to combine them. "I...I would like a glass of water," he stammered out.
