Hi All, New to the site but already enjoying it. Currently, I have a good story going called Waiting For Dawn. It's a humorous teen- romance which I've written up to just as the two main characters look as though they're about to cross the line of friendship and step into a new and exciting level of their relationship. I'd really appreciate a new chapter written by someone else. It's story based loosely on my past - but I would like someone to take over for a while and see what 'might have been' if I had chosen a different path. https://chyoa.com/story/Waiting-for-Dawn.13792 It's 3 chapters deep, however, they're 3 substantial chapters - but think it's low count that's putting people off reading [i hope] Thanks for reading Max
I was wondering too, should I be reading this with emphasis or something? Overall though, the characters are pretty week fleshed out and believable. They are joking, quirky. Good writing.
I guess you mean 'well' fleshed out... hope so Thanks for your compliments. How do I get rid of line breaks? I've tried but failed miserably. Self-confessed technophobe.
Haha, yes I did mean 'well'. As for the line breaks, I assume they came from the copy/paste and you can just backspace in editor. Here's what I see.
Also, at least for me a few of the sections had a bit too much short sentance back and forth in large blocks and my mind starts to skim over those. I think if you threw a little more description in to color the scene and breaks the block up, it would be more engaging for me. Does she roll her eyes at that comment, is there awkward silence after the joke fell flat and you describe the wind picking up, etc. Also, this might be wrong advise but remember the nature of the site material.. I think a few more hints at sexual tension, or at least noting him glimpsing at her body, or remembering a time he did in early chapters would 'stoke the embers' a bit and keep the reader wanting to go forward to it's inevitable end.
I've added a little heat into the first two chapters now. Just a touch like - but agreed you have to play to your audience. Also fixed the line break too. Thanks for all the advice.
They still seem to be broken. Maybe disable the rich text editor before opening the chapter and see what causes the linebreak. (Option "Use the rich text editor to create and edit chapters" on the Settings page)
It's beautiful stories like these, with fleshed out real characters, that really stand out in our minds. Quite well-written story. And there's no sudden shock of change of tone with Genericc616's continuation chapters (which often happens when a different author contributes), the playfulness and subtle sexual tension are well-maintained. One thing I found confusing was their backgrounds. It's not really clear at the beginning who Dawn and Dan are to each other, and I assumed they were childhood friends meeting again until I read that they had known each other only for a few weeks in one of the chapters. It doesn't have to be some grand background exposition, but a little more context about where they start from will help us get into the story better.
