https://chyoa.com/story/The-Wild-World-of-Jessica.10077 This is my first ever major first-person story. So please, constructive criticism will be so greatly appreciated. Thread ideas, questions, and more are welcome here.
I think it’s brilliant so far, it’s a really good idea and gives lots of possibilities, I look forward to see where you go with it and how the reader interacts with it. It would be good if you got some comments to push the story down some possible paths, giving the reader the power. And with that I believe I have a suggestion to post
Thanks. I'm happy there's been some good response. I'm just hoping for contributors since I'd like to attempt playing editor on a first-person story as well. On the nature of that suggestion: any particular way? It's fairly easy to make that happen, but if there's something specific you're looking for, it's probably not going to happen unless you either speak up or jump in. Or was the suggestion for something less opportunistic and more premeditated?
I added a new thread: https://chyoa.com/chapter/Just-a-party.274307 Comments please. This one feels a little off.
My latest addition: https://chyoa.com/chapter/At-a-Hotel-Bar.280910 Please comment. I think I preserved the voice of the story the whole way through this chapter, but I'd like a second opinion.
I decided to continue the most recent line right now: https://chyoa.com/chapter/A-mature-fellow.285053 Any objections to breaking off for a choice there? I was hesitating over that.
My latest addition: https://chyoa.com/chapter/Well,-he's-interested.290429 Is the cross between lecturing and story-telling working, or is it just distracting?
Two new additions: https://chyoa.com/chapter/Fuck-it--Crash-the-party.391210 https://chyoa.com/chapter/At-college.391209
