Jessica’s Choices - Another Life

Discussion in 'Story Feedback' started by DoAdventures, Jun 16, 2018.

?

So a poll is the only way I think I can go. Based on previous works, should I;

  1. Get to the sex

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. Let it come naturally as intended

    4 vote(s)
    100.0%
  1. DoAdventures

    DoAdventures Really Really Experienced

    Hello all,

    I’m back with a new story and shamelessly looking for feedback.

    The new story is another Jessica’s Choices story, Another Life. The aim is to have this collection completely separate from the ones that came before, it’s an alternative life, a new beginning and somewhat slow at the moment.

    I’m ten chapters in and introduced a multitude of potential scenarios, and I’m hoping that these could branch off in many different directions.

    Link below:
    https://chyoa.com/story/Jessica’s-Choices---Another-life.15965

    So I’m here looking for some feedback, I’m particularly interested in the pacing of the story at the moment as I’ve written just under six thousand words and haven’t even got to the good stuff yet.
     
  2. Zeebop

    Zeebop CHYOA Guru

    Slow isn't bad. A bit of plot development, take some time to develop the characters and situations. I'm interested to see where this goes.
     
    DoAdventures likes this.
  3. gscmar64

    gscmar64 Really Experienced

    Well didn't I say the same thing to you in our pm's the other day. Maybe now you'll believe me when i say slow can be a good thing. Good development in my opinion trumps a fast manufactured story. What one finds in a character can be used to alter the story taking it in ways you may have never thought to take it. Like my chapter where the next door neighbour lies his way into her bedroom!
     
    DoAdventures likes this.
  4. DoAdventures

    DoAdventures Really Really Experienced

    I know!!! You have been the voice of reason on many occasions :)
     
  5. DoAdventures

    DoAdventures Really Really Experienced

    New updated chapter,

    https://chyoa.com/chapter/Inhibitions.466631

    How do people feel about Clarissa? I want Jessica to feel pressured into the situation and play on her inhibitions on being with another girl.

    Does anyone have any preference on how they think the chapter should progress?
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2018
  6. DoAdventures

    DoAdventures Really Really Experienced

    Here again, looking to see if anyone would like to see me continuing down a different path whilst my current time is consumed writing about Jessica and Brad
     
  7. DoAdventures

    DoAdventures Really Really Experienced

    Pictures or no pictures?
    Hello all,
    I didn’t want to spend to long on outlining character traits in the branch, link below; so I’ve deliberately tried to leave it open to interpretation but I’m wondering how it reads and if it does need images? Even just a chapter thrown on to show what they look like?

    The chapter below introduces them but doesn’t go into too much detail, the following 7 chapters they are all involve in one way or another and I have what they look like in my head but I wanted to leave it to the reader. Any thoughts?
    Thanks in advance
    https://chyoa.com/chapter/Like-minded-friends.496577
     
  8. Zeebop

    Zeebop CHYOA Guru

    Some folks like pictures, others prefer word-pictures. I can go either way, though I think even if you include pictures it is important to give clear descriptions of your characters.
     
    DoAdventures likes this.
  9. DoAdventures

    DoAdventures Really Really Experienced

    I agree and understand, as I say those chapters have been deliberately vague about the characters, but I hope I've put enough of a description in the following chapters, their dress sense for one thing trying to paint a picture