A story I've been working on for a little while. Maybe not everyone's bag but hopefully fun to read... https://chyoa.com/story/Lakehaven-Academy.20346?game=start All feedback welcome!
Well, first off you've put quite a bit of work into this! No dead ends that I could find, and the mechanics all seem to work. So, congratulations on that. If I had a criticism about your writing style, it's that you sometimes have exceedingly short chapters (two sentences or so), and your very long chapters aren't from lengthy erotic encounters but from lots and lots of dialogue - nothing wrong with dialogue, of course, but a little more attention to the sex scenes wouldn't go amiss. Despite the promise that every decision affects your score, it...doesn't. Which is fine; you don't need an orgasm or a gold star on every page. That being said, it falls a little short as a game because the scores don't appear to do much of anything - this might just be some path-not-taken, but I didn't notice any new options that opened up based on how many orgasms you've had or gold stars you've earned - which sort of defeats the point of keeping track. Plotwise, not bad. It's sex positive and has a bit of varied content without ever delving into proper fantasy territory (except maybe in how little lube some people need).
Thanks for the feedback! Yes, I agree some of the sex scenes could do with more work. And, yup, when I started writing I was expecting the score system to play more of a role in the story than it ended up doing. But! The number of gold stars you earn does in fact have an effect on the outcome of the story, believe it or not! Aaaaaand more lube.... good point!
