So I'm acutely aware of the fact then when I'm writing a story with characters getting aroused and about to bang, I tend write a lot of descriptions that involve them looking at things. He looked at her X... She glanced up from his Y... Bob stared at those Z's... Jane shifted her gaze to that thick Q... etc. and I feel like it really bogs down the action but I also don't know how to avoid it, since I'm not sure how else to highlight these moments where characters are engaged by something visual. I'm a 'visual' guy, so where someone is looking feels like important an detail, yet I hate how repetitive it must be. I've come up with as many different ways to write about what someone's eyes are doing as I can think of and I still don't like how often it comes up. I also have characters 'eyes widen' so often I'm afraid half their faces are probably just giant eyeballs at this point. Any tips to on... I dunno... what else I can try to write about so I can minimise my focus on where they wear their stares?
I usually go with internal monologue at that point, if I am allowing a omniscient observer or am working in first person. (Reason I love first person so much, honestly. Allows me to do asides without having to justify them in the story. ) Other ways to do it is to mention it once, then simply continue with the description. As long as it's one block, it still will flow. Other things characters can do besides using their eyes of course, is to notice things, or to observe, or to admire. Actively observing rather than passively observing if possible. Thinking about actions that they want to do... he doesn't just see the gorgeous pair of tits... he contemplates running his hands over them, or smacking them if he's a jerk, or applying clothespins if he's a kinky guy... That way the act of observing also tells us about the character, not just what they're looking at. TLDR: Just looking is passive and does kill the action, BUT even thinking is active...
^ This. Imply that the character is looking at something; you don't need to state it. For instance, "Tom looked at Anne's full breasts," could be written as, "Anne's breasts were the fullest Tom had ever seen." Obvously, the character needs to already be looking at the feature in order to describe it, so the reader will naturally assume that's what they're doing. It's okay to let the reader fill in the gaps. Reserve describing the characters' eye movements for moments where it demonstrates something in addition to its basic meaning. "Bob stared at those Z's," indicates that Bob is transfixed by whatever Z is, whereas, "He looked at her X," doesn't show anything about the character's emotions.
In similar vein, and something I'm trying to work in more, is you can use dialogue to bring up visual things in a sudden and strong way. "Did that bitch just slap herself with her own fucking tits?" Some frat douche laughed. Might be more powerful, and varied, and exaggerated, and pleasingly concise than a real time description of what clinically, actually happened when a rhythm-challenged, self-conscious milf dances on stage. This tool can at times be more visceral, varied, and inspire more insights than a character simply ruminating on their own.
Also, there are other senses. The sounds, smells and touches can be very erotic. Do use active voice such as describing how someone touched instead of what someone felt. But bring in all the senses for a fuller experience.
^ Good point. A common mistake in writing erotica is failing to use the medium to its fullest potential. In a porno video, we can't feel the actor's skin or smell their perfume. Stories are not meant to be primarily visual, largely because of how difficult it is to be precise but still interesting when describing a scene. Additionally - you don't need to have a complete, head-to-toe description of every character. Again, let the reader fill in the gaps. If the woman has a slight figure, they can expect small breasts; if the man is tall and muscular, his penis isn't going to be microscopic. The most important physical details of a character are those out of the ordinary, such as blazing red hair or a remarkably handsome ass. In the prior example, maybe the woman does have a relatively large bust, in which case that's something you may want to bring up. But you don't need to nitpick a character's appearance - it's best if you let the reader imagine the features they might prefer.
I think saying he gave her a glance, look, gaze, once could be enough to say they are looking so you can say what the other person is doing later without your character having to keep looking and focus on what the other character is doing. I like to say what they are doing and have times where my characters talk with there hands or face which can really empathizes what they are saying. "Lets just say the rumors are true." She smiled holding her hands apart. "Hey handsome." She teased as she gave a mischievous smile and s she walked past running her hand across his chest. "Want to get out of here." She smiled at me as she ran her finger around the lipstick stained coffee sup sitting on the table. Sometimes they don't need to say nothing at all and just use body language. She glanced back as she walked toward the bedroom giving me a wink as I watched her hips sway from side to side. Sex is also one of the few human experiences were we use all five senses. The sight of her naked body The touch of her skin The smell of her perfume The sound of her voice The taste of her lips
