Still waiting and looking for my 'someone just for me': but I've been seeking her my whole life and never found her: and Lately I've started to think that it's because I'm not worthy of her yet...
Man, I wasn't even looking when I found mine. She just sort of stalked me on facebook and then Walmart one day and fell into my lap. I've learned that you can't force fate. It will happen when it is time.
Absolutely. Best advice. Everyone I've known, including myself, stopped looking when they found their special person(s) (shout out to the polyamorous people I've known). Don't be concerned, Simon. You'll find them.
And I have found that if you leave things up to fate you get the short and rather dirty end of the stick. If fate is going to be nice to someone like that they generally are not born to a pair of parents who divorce when they are 3 and end up being sent to an internment camp for 'Troubled Youth' from the ages of 8 to 14. No, everything I have in this life I have FOUGHT to get and to keep, waiting on 'Fate' to find 'my person' is long wait for a train that wont come... My only question at this point is what I need to work on next to get to the point where I am finally ready to find her or have her find me.
Relying purely on the whims of fate and merely not searching for someone are two different things. One is fatalism, the other is an active choice. I wholeheartedly support what you're doing, Simon, in focusing on bettering yourself and your life, and in doing that, you may indeed find someone. You weren't actively looking for anyone in that sense, the meeting was a wonderful and beautiful side effect. You can fight for many things in life for yourself, but fighting for a meeting with someone is impossible in my experience. And I know something about purely allowing kismet to take root. My father died because of it 5 years ago. He never fought for the chance to better his health. Neither did my mother who died three months ago. I'm orphaned now, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let my genetic heritage run my life and destroy the lives of my family.
Being still and doing nothing are not the same thing. I was planning on finding someone eventually, but I wasn't looking right then. I was only four days out from a horrible break up with a woman I had spent seven years with and been engaged to. I felt hurt and broken right then, but was determined to move forward. Fate moved me forward before I had a chance to. That is what I meant by "You can't force fate." I'm not saying, "Sit on your ass and do nothing," But rather "It will happen in good time." I was 22 when I met my love. 22, shy as hell, didn't swear at all, and knew nothing about being a parent. Then I met a woman with two kids, who enjoyed rather interesting things in her sex life, and needed a man to love her and her children. My shyness and inexperience faded as I grew into the man I am now. Fate forced me to grow up to be the husband and father I needed to be. Fate first but me and a horrible place, so that when it was time for the right woman, I would be open to loving her. If I hadn't been in such a bad place right then, I may not have been able to open up to my wife when we met.
The time will come, I have to have faith that that's true, but I feel like I am running out of time for it to come in, at least to be able to give my son some brother's and sisters, which I feel was something I lacked in my youth and which has led to many of the problems in my adult life: human beings are not meant to be only children, we are supposed to have whole gangs of other youths around us day and night, and in our modern society the only way you do that is by having siblings... I grew up an only child, as did my father, and it warped us, I don't want that to happen to my son... I don't care if they are children of my body or if I adopt them, I want him to have siblings, but I am already over 30, the window to be able to either sire or adopt brothers and sisters for him is closing fast, and either way I need a wife to work with to be the children's mother...
I can understand how you feel there. I was an only child, bullied a lot, and very lonely growing up. I want my son and daughter to have more siblings to rely on as well.
Okay, so here's the thing. I put personality down, even if I have a *type*. Let's say I meet the physical approximation of my dream girl. Tall thin leggy redhead, medium breasts, green eyes, great smile. If her personality is awful, then all of that attractiveness goes away. It's like how hot she is doesn't even register. So in the end, the personality is what's going to attract me in the long term.
I can totally understand. I've known some physically beautiful women who were just plain ugly on the inside. It completely killed any desire I had for them.
Hmm, some very interesting responses. Well for me I think that love is scary with all those double standards, social norms, and other variables. I have insecurities that I have to mask. On top of this I've noticed that there's this disturbing trend I've been running into since like high school til now... a lot of women I'm physically attracted to are very passive, boring, and aren't funny when I get to know them. Then on the other hand the ones that are interesting don't have my dick's attention. Maybe I've just had bad luck with women. I'll go over some of the highlights. I had my first kiss stolen by a girl on my 4th birthday and it was uncalled for. Then in junior high the girl I hooked up with had to move out of the country. The "best one" would be my high school story. My dream girl showed up and she had the whole package. Everything was going fine until some other girl who liked me (wasn't interested in her) spread rumors about me and tried her hardest to separate the two of us. She succeeded, and never before did I want to cry myself to death more than that moment. I felt like I couldn't, you know how it goes "OHHHH REAL MEN DON'T CRY BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" It doesn't help that I have a big heart that feels like it needs a lot of affection. Being surrounded by many friends and people who like me doesn't really make me feel the greatest when I realize "LOL NO GF XD". Man it's like I could be playing video games, playing basketball, studying, just focusing on myself and then BAM I get hit with that bad memory. Then I feel awful and want bang my head on the wall to make it go away. but uh errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to answer the question... I put personality, because a genuine girl who is sweet has the highest potential for the sweetest sex and love. I assume she has a nice face, butt, and boobies too.
It can be hard finding the right woman. I had my share of misfortune as well. When I was in middle school, I was dating a girl simply because she said she liked me. She was a nice girl, but I wasn't really that interested in her. It was even more awkward since we lived on the same street. Breaking up with her made me feel like shit, but I didn't want to drag it out and hurt her even more in the long run. In high school, I had a girl that I was really interested in. I had heard some bad stories about her, but I was really attracted to her. (The stories were not entirely true, but she was a bit of a bad girl). I never got the courage to ask her out, and ended up dating another woman for seven years. This woman was very nice and sweet at first but later had a religious break down (As in "Oh my God, I've sinned so much and MUST BECOME A GOOD GIRL!) it turned out, part of her break down was because she had started seeing other men on the side and was feeling guilty. I had suspicions for a while, but didn't get proof until she admitted it. When I finally found the wife, that's when things turned around for me. (and thanks to her being bisexual, we actually ended up having a fun night with the bad girl from high school.) Until I met my wife, my love life pretty much sucked. The girl I was with for seven years made me so miserable that I was almost constantly depressed and she did everything she could to make me feel like I wasn't good enough. She told me she wanted to wait until marriage for sex, but that didn't happen... I was in a very bad place in my life when I finally got lucky in love.
It's mostly a sum of things for me, for example a woman with the right personality but less beautiful is far far better than a really beautiful woman that bores you (sex part included) That said, I like women on the lean side and I especially look at legs\b-side and lips. Contrary to most of the people I know, I don't look that much at breasts size
Lol, well if it makes you feel better, I find that I'm generally attracted to women with small or average breast size as opposed to those with larger chests. I generally get a lot of shots from my friends because of it xD. Overall though, I tend to highlight a girl's most physically appealing feature (in my opinion) whether its their breasts or their ass or their legs or something else entirely. I just mainly want to get along with them and have some actual chemistry between us before I even think of considering whether to try and pursuit a relationship with them or not. It doesn't matter how hot they are: if their personality is terrible and we don't get along, then I really have no interest in associating with them anymore than I have to.
Given some things I've encountered, I've got to say that something that really makes me love my wife is that she puts up with me. I can be pretty damn crazy sometimes and she normally just laughs it off and keeps going. Here are some examples: I make up words. (Blarg, Meep, and Blurgalsnarg! to name a few) I write porn (And use her and some of our "Encounters" as my muse) I'm a serious gamer. Its what I do most of the time. If I'm not writing or at work, I'm playing a game. My sarcasm dial is constantly turned up to eleven. I can be an asshole when I want to be. (Just not to her. Sarcastic, yes, but never an asshole) A lot more stuff that I'm not going to mention right now. She puts up with all of this and loves me. Honestly, she has to be nuts, but I'm very lucky to have her.
I've always considered myself not to have a preferred "type", as the women I've had relationships with and crushes on have been of various races, wildy different builds, sizes, shapes... but looking back in a reflective mood recently, I realised that they all do have one thing in common. Apparently I have a thing for women with big... foreheads (Current celebrity crush - Ellen Paige). Personalty wise, women with terrible tempers always have a rather difficult to ignore effect on me, though I'm old and wise enough now to know not to date them (The blame for this lies squarely with my constantly angry first girlfriend (and her equally foul tempered younger sister, who was my *second* girlfriend, which was weird)). I'm in my thirties now, but an angry girl still makes me all tingly. Stupid conditioning-effect-of-early-experiences.
Yeah, for me it's hard to resist trying to make mopey girls smile. Initially rewarding but eventually a mutual disappointment.
First post to the site. I am a "girl next door" guy. Not looking for models or porn fantasy girls, just a nice girl with a good heart.
