Marcie and Gina read CHYOA

Discussion in 'Story Feedback' started by Gambio, Jan 24, 2021.

  1. Hvast

    Hvast Really Really Experienced

    I laughed so hard reading this. This is why, not being a native English speaker, I won't give Marcie and Gina any chance to get anywhere near my stories.

    PS. "That this slob of linguistic vomit actually got trough some sort of quality control?" :rolleyes:
     
  2. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru




    Just to be clear, i won't put too much emphasis on grammar on further chapters, it's way too low hanging of a fruit after all. I'm pretty sure i read An-obeying-sister from you btw, and i don't remember any real issue, so you would be fine...on THAT front.

    Not subjecting yourself to this torment is still the wisest curse of action, don't get me wrong.
     
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  3. Regin34

    Regin34 CHYOA Guru

    Haha, yes my grammar was terrible and I admit it, but I'm doing my best to polish my English ;)
    I also have a lot of fun reading their discussion and I'm happy they like story in the end. Weak mages? Well, it's seems we nerfed them too much, to awoid being them too powerfull, like on the first levels in Dungeons and dragons. If we write something more, we will fix that in the future.
     
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  4. Hvast

    Hvast Really Really Experienced

    Heh, Obeying sister is one of my newer stories*. But the stuff that I wrote years ago... I like most of my old ideas but my eyes hurt reading my own chapters and editing rewriting those is so time-consuming. I envy the younger myself who had way more free time

    *To be more precise - recently adopted
     
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  5. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru

    Yeah, i get that this was only the first, of what i assume woukd be many quests, so you tried to keep it simple, but i did find it very funny how the evil rape mage got build up quite a bit, just to then die to a single arrow without doing anything.

    I think that is the same for everyone. At least if you start at the bottom you can only go up.

    I still remember when i posted my first work online, asked for critique and the very first reply to it was "How dare you misuse the german language like that!" (translated) Fun times
     
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  6. Guromancer

    Guromancer Experienced

  7. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru

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  8. Guromancer

    Guromancer Experienced

    Oh you got me figured out
     
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  9. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru

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  10. Hvast

    Hvast Really Really Experienced

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  11. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru

    GUROMANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I swear at this point this guy is just trolling me
     
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  12. Guromancer

    Guromancer Experienced

    Shit sorry
     
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  13. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru

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  14. brevdravis

    brevdravis Really Really Experienced

    Lotta fun! Reminds me of a celebrity roast, which is always a good time.
    All we need is foster brooks at this point. :p

     
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  15. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru

    A as general public service information, horror story is out because it didn't fulfill the 10 chapter requirement. Next up is rape story.



    That was what i was going for, well not this in particular, but definitely the roast concept.
     
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  16. majus

    majus CHYOA Guru

    Fair enough. I will contact you again after it fulfils your conditions...
    On the other hand, would be acceptable if there was a finished story instead of minimum 10 chapters?
     
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  17. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru


    I suppose that would be acceptable. The 10 Chapter rule is a bit arbitrarily anyway, since chapters obviously can differ wildly in length. So yeah, if it's a finished story i accept.
     
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  18. Thorn_

    Thorn_ CHYOA Guru

    I guess, I may as well add a thing. Though I don't have much to add.

    https://chyoa.com/story/Let's-Survive.15126

    So how about one of my first attempts at writing a proper story...how many years ago? Of course, this is back before I knew what I was doing.

    You know....it's not great. But I DID get other contributing authors on it, which people make a big deal out of that happening or not happening for them.

    I've developed a lot since then. I debate getting into writing an actual chyoa story again, but I just don't really feel it much these days. I think my first story was actually a bit better than this one, but I deleted that one ages ago.

    (If you’re dead curious. Which path is my favourite? Natalie. Which is the most popular? The generic male highschool nerd mc who gets strange powers. I know my audience.)
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2021
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  19. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru


    Writers block is quite nasty. What you need is a good unhealthy dose of negative reinforcement, thats gonna set you straight.

    Added. Male protagonists don't tend to turn out too well with the two, so i doubt they are going to choose that one if they don't have to
     
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  20. Thorn_

    Thorn_ CHYOA Guru

    Personally, I enjoy female protag characters over males myself. I dunno....I just find male centered stories to be kind of just the samey formula. Not that those stories are bad and there isn't really well written ones. Obviously their are. I'm just saying that personally, male mcs don't really appeal to me or the 469,000th highschool boy who discovers he has magical powers. Like lesbianism tends to be pretty boring to me as well. Not that those things are bad stories. It's just difficult to write a lewd story when you aren't writing anything you're actually interested in. Same goes for futa really. I might still write a scene about it here and there and there's people super into that, but if you aren't actually that much of a fan of it, you probably aren't going to be writing tons of that particular subject. So my point is...I just tend to focus on writing female characters more, I guess.

    My thoughts on my own actual story...I'd say I still like the fact of how it's designed is that the named characters/protags/npcs aren't really just random. While you follow one of their routes, the other ones don't just suddenly disappear and fuck off forever. They're still out doing stuff in the background and their own things while the person you're focusing on is busy with their routes. Made things feel more interesting to me writing it with characters having actual reasons to chose to suddenly help someone or are suddenly bitchy to a character when they were never like that before. The reasons just aren't always apparent following one route, but nothing they do really just comes out off nowhere even if it's not readily obvious from someone else's perspective. That idea would've been more fun to pursue, but I didn't really go anywhere with it as much as I'd have liked. Would've encouraged a lot of different playthroughs, but in the end, I just couldn't beat my greatest weakness. Updating regularly.
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2021