Becoming a Warrior!

Discussion in 'Story Feedback' started by Almax, Mar 12, 2020.

  1. MidbossMan

    MidbossMan Really Really Experienced

    I'm not all the way caught up, but I was enjoying the content from the very beginning. I wouldn't worry too much about people shying away due to the earlier stuff.
     
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  2. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Woah, that was a quick reply! Thanks MidbossMan, with how long you've been around and involved in the story your opinion does rank pretty highly in my lil mental debate club. So thank you a lot!
     
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  3. NaughtyOppa

    NaughtyOppa Experienced

    Finally started reading this and I love it! Cute, funny and sexy in equal measure.
     
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  4. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Thank you a lot! I'm really really glad that you're liking it, that's always the absolute best thing to hear, it makes me very happy. Have a great rest of your day!
     
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  5. NaughtyOppa

    NaughtyOppa Experienced

    I love your positivity! Same to you!
     
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  6. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Thank you!
     
  7. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Hey, here's something I've been thinking about for a while and would like to hear some opinions about, if anybody's got any!

    So, a lot of the chapters (especially sex stuff chapters) are actually more than one chapter, depending on what's happened before that in your story. With these chapters, I don't just mean dialogue differences, I mean like full on no-similarities-besides-setting-and-time differences. The best recent example would be (potential spoilers for Day 7 if that's an issue for anyone!) if you go with Lexi into the vents, and follow her to that room that supposedly belongs to the Sorority. They treat you totally differently if you're a member of the Sorority vs if you're a random student vs if you're a traitor to the Sorority who backed out of her initiation, and in each the entire "theme" and explored kinks and stuff are completely different, as well as the basic stuff like dialogue and if they're both focused on you or if one's on Lexi instead.

    Now, I'll probably keep doing this sort of stuff, because I feel like it makes your game a bit special (and I think it's cool that there's tons of stuff written that most likely nobody's seen yet and maybe will never see, because then being that First & Only is a thing), but my question is to do with if I should keep it on a smaller scale, when it comes to sex stuff chapters. Like how if you whore yourself in the Town a second time, there's different dialogue based on if you met the person paying or not, but the events stay the same. Non-sex stuff will probably always be bigger, because I feel like that's the way it should be, but I'm a bit worried about somebody possibly really liking a chapter and then not being able to reread it unless they reset their game and work their way back with the proper variables, because the default "Not in Game Mode"-state version of the chapter isn't the one they liked.

    So should I keep the major differences out of the sex chapters? Or, if not, what should I do to help people find ones they like, if anything? I could always have links on the Jump Ahead menu to each possible version of each sex scene where there are big differences, but I feel like that increases clutter quite a lot, which is something I try to avoid. I also feel like there's a chance that being able to jump around that easily might take away from the "special-ness" of having different versions of scenes, which is the whole point I'm doin' it in the first place. But at the same time, I also don't want to force people to take screenshots or copy+paste chapters they like if they want to view them again, or have to click through a million links to find it again (I'm MASSIVELY anti that, which is why any Bad Ends link back to where you were before and keep your variables at the time in tact. People are here to read and have fun, not to scroll and click blue stuff for six minutes to get back.)

    So does anybody have any ideas or preferences for what I should do about this? Would it be best to just do nothing? I could also probably split each chapter into many clickable options, where you require variables to click the link instead of requiring variables to read the proper text once in there, but that runs into the same problem of possibly ruining the special-ness (and also adding lots of clutter to the map, especially since they then each need a continue chapter as well). Any ideas or suggestions would be awesome, as always! Thanks bunches!
     
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  8. insertnamehere

    insertnamehere Really Really Experienced

    I personally prefer your current method of writing drastically different scenes in the same chapter. To me, the feeling that you're reading one of many possible scenes is what makes Becoming A Warrior stand out on CHYOA. It's like you're diving into the Mariana Trench, descending deeper and deeper into an increasingly dark and strange environment. I don't mind that I'm only seeing one path in a much larger world, as long as that path is special enough - in fact, it's kind of preferable.
     
    Almax likes this.
  9. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Ah, thank you very much, that's really reassuring. In that case, I'll probably just keep on doin' what I am. Thanks again!
     
  10. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Hey, here's something I'd like to get opinions on also -- how public should successful/failed checks be? At the starting "tutorial" section of the game, I have them in the actual chapter titles (like having a chapter end with "[Strength >3]"), to let players know that it does matter, but I take them out later because I feel like it can spoil the events of the chapter. Why would you pick the option that you're told is going to succeed because of your stats, right?

    But should there be a thing inside the actual chapters to let players know that the stats are still having an effect on their gameplay? At some point in the description, have it say something like [Strength Check Passed!], so that they don't think the success or failure was the only possible outcome of their choices, and so that they don't neglect to keep their stats up? As it is, I have it all in context clues of the story, like having people or descriptions mention your strength/speed or mention going to the Gym more when it's natural, but I don't know if that's just seen as flavour text in-character rather than an explanation for why the outcome happened with their choice.

    Would having a [Strength Check Passed!] line take you out of the story? Is it something that'd actually be useful, or is what's happening now already doing that same job? I'd really like to hear what people think about it, thanks so much!
     
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  11. insertnamehere

    insertnamehere Really Really Experienced

    Personally, I prefer your current method. Being only superficially aware of skill checks is something I enjoy, actually, since it gives the impression of a person actually improving themselves rather than a numbers game. It's not a bad idea to let the reader know whether their failure or success is a consequence of their own development or if it's inevitable, but I think your context clues are sufficient. Stories like The Gamer can get away with explicitly referencing levels and checks because it's baked into the premise, but this story feels more 'natural'.
     
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  12. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Thank you! I really appreciate that ya always take the time to throw in your ideas, and it's a relief to hear that I haven't been messin' the whole thing up.
     
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  13. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    'Ello! Sorry I haven't done anything for a bit, real life stuff's heatin' up (Nothing bad, just time-consuming stuff to set myself up for my future and stuff. Not done yet, actually the needle's barely moved, but I've learned lots and it's been a good time!).

    There's a bit of a pause in the action now though, so I wanted to just let anybody who wanted to know know that I'm gonna be doing a bunch of cool stuff for the story over the next two-three weeks, because I feel really bad for how long I've left it, and then I'm gonna publish it basically all at once when I've finished the stuff on my checklist. It'll be a bunch of extra Free Time stuff and also a full day of stuff, because it'll finish the current day and take you to that same just-before-evening-Free-Time spot.

    If it feels sustainable, I think this is how I'll do stuff for the next few months until things cool down for good! Part of the reason I wasn't writing in the small moments I did have time, which is only the last five days or so, is because nothing in this story is really a one-chapter event, and I don't like the feeling of publishing part of an event and not continuing it until the next day or later. So this will be a much better way of doing things, if it works!

    So, yeah! Super sorry I've been gone, and real soon there's gonna be bunches of stuff happening at Coinpilfer University. Hope it's up to your standard!


    (P.S. during the off time I've still been planning a whole bunch of scenes and events, I just haven't been able to write them yet -- and I just want to say, when the school camp starts, that's gonna be the absolute best section for a long while. Thank you!)
     
  14. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

    You know I don't think I ever really said how much I enjoyed this story. I think it was one of the first stories I actually started following on CHYOA and I guess now that I'm using aspects of it as inspiration for how to run my newest story it felt wrong that I never really paid proper tribute to how great a story this is.
     
    Almax likes this.
  15. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Woah, thanks so much, that's way too kind! I do think I actually remember that you once mentioned how you got all invested and were playing to try keep your purity low, which was super cool to hear because I love when that sort of thing happens. I'm really really glad you've been enjoying it and got some inspiration from it, that's totally awesome to hear. Thank you!
     
  16. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

    Yeah. I still have a 100% purity run going :D

    And no thank you for creating something that gave me such enjoyment and inspiration.
     
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  17. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Man, you guys are all so nice, I keep running out of ways to say how cool you are and how much you make me smile. That's really such a nice thing for you to go out of your way to say, thank you so super much.
     
  18. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

    You're absolutely welcome. It's my firm belief from my own experiences that there is nothing better than receiving proper feedback and appreciation for your work, so I try to do so whenever possible and your story definitely deserves appreciation.
     
    Almax likes this.
  19. Almax

    Almax Really Experienced

    Hey! I just wanted to put here what I put in a little note at the bottom of the most recent chapter, to quickly apologise for the longish wait between chapters again. I know it's not a big problem, but I don't like it, so I wanna say sorry about it. I keep wanting to sit down and write out a ton, but consistently almost EVERY time I've decided to do that this year, a potentially really cool opportunity comes up in real life that I have to focus bunches of my time into. Which is super awesome on its own, but also, none of em have ended up sticking just yet, which means I have to keep going for the next opportunity too instead of getting to settle into anything.

    I'm still not settled into a rhythm yet, but I have done a lot more stuff in the Free Time section, as well as a ton of planning for cool things that are upcoming. Thanks so much for reading, and I'll have a couple more chapters continuing up to sleeping and ending the ninth day fairly soon. Have a good night! Hope you enjoy what I've got out the last three days or so.
     
  20. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

    I'm always happy to wait for more amazing content and it's important that you keep going after those real life opportunities!
     
    Almax likes this.