A Party Gone Wrong

Discussion in 'Story Feedback' started by DeviantChalice, Mar 18, 2021.

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  1. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    After 4 days and 65 votes, the results are as follows:

    • The older man with the car: (28 votes)
    • Rosie and Jane, the two girls (18 votes)
    • Steve, the boy upstairs (15 votes)
    • Ty, the shy obsessed boy (12 votes)
    • Rob, the drunk horny lad in the kitchen (12 votes)
    • Tom, the brash athletic guy (8 votes)
    So the man with the car is the clear winner, albeit with a decent interest for the other stories (although Tom is not much loved. Fuck you, Tom).

    This is purely advisory and I'll still mostly work on chapters that interest me, but I will probably indeed "complete" the interactions with the older man soonish, leaving open for a later date the path where she runs from the car and the one where she tries to find her own way into her house.
     
  2. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

    People really like the older man, or maybe people just really like having Clara leave the party early for some reason? I must say though I didn't vote for it, the option where Clara ends up trying to get home herself in an unknown area, certainly is intriguing.

    Also I did not somehow know there were characters named Rosie and Jane in the story till I saw the poll. I must find this now. There is a potential rapist in this story with my name! Hell yeah!
     
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  3. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    It's still in need of development but Clara runs into them if she turns Ty down at a certain point and he molests her in the hallway. She can then go with them back to the Sofa Of Bad Life Choices and erotic fiction ensues.
     
  4. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    Just to prove I'm not dead, published some new chapters (finally).

    In which our protagonist is very conflicted about having become an impromptu prostitute and our antagonist is a sick controlling bastard that readers like to see for some reason.
     
  5. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru

    Wait, you trying to tell me I somehow missed the lesbian option? God damnit
     
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  6. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    The lesbian option is not deeply developed and requires you to first hang out with a skinny boy before backing off at a specific moment.

    It's a very well laid-out story, honest.
     
  7. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    The published lesbian chapters number about three right now. I had planned more but they were a bit harder to write since I have no direct experience with lesbian sex.

    Like, I'm a pervert but I'm a pervert with standards ok.
     
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  8. Gambio

    Gambio CHYOA Guru

    Personally, I long since abandoned any semblance of standard
     
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  9. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

    Ha... Love the disclaimer via interview. It's great.
     
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  10. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    Yeah I like it as a nod to my own personal ethics, a porn format, and also functions as a way to do an AMA via character.
     
  11. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

  12. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    Can't wait for someone to actually take up the offer of asking Clara (or whatever you made her name) questions, tbh
     
  13. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

    Hmm... Might ask something... Ooh I know. So, how do we ask? Comments?
     
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  14. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    Oo, thanks for asking one
     
  15. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

    You're welcome. Feel free to check out The tower of voices if you'd like to return the favour :D
     
  16. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    Honestly I would but I find Tower of Voices overwhelmingly confusing
     
  17. TheLeherengin

    TheLeherengin Really Really Experienced

    Oh that's depressing? What's confusing about it for you?
     
  18. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    Hello, I'm writing again because I like when the Fave and Bookmark and Like notifications go off. Tryna just write towards some sort of ending from popular branches, rather than endlessly branch. Current project is Clara's many conquests by Tom.
     
  19. Dissonant Soundtrack

    Dissonant Soundtrack Really Really Experienced

    This is a good story and I like the various places you've taken it. My personal favorite is the schoolgirl roleplaying storyline, but I haven't run down all the branches yet. This line in particular is a standout:

    "Clara thinks, still trying to guess exactly where this is going. She feels like she's been put in a play and given no script. And if she says her lines wrong she might find herself bent over that desk, skirt pushed up and-"

    I really like the turn here that she's being forced to play a "character" but she has no idea what responses are the "right" ones. That's a really hot scene setup. I think a branch where things go wrong would be a great addition.

    If I had one suggestion, I'd say some changes to the chapter titles or labeling would be helpful. Most of them are entitled "She [does X]" so it's not clear what is happening in each branch from story view. But that's a minor quibble.
     
  20. DeviantChalice

    DeviantChalice Really Experienced

    Excellent feedback, thanks.