Just began writing a new story that fits in the fantasy genre! Feel free to give it a quick look if you have time and let me know what you think. Any questions, comments, ideas and feedback are welcome of course https://chyoa.com/story/A-Hunter’s-Call.21210
While I appreciate that you're doing longer chapters and setting up the narrative that might give some choices for the reader later, "End of Page" is a bit disconcerting - it's not really a set-up for the next chapter, it's just an end, full stop. Also, there are occasional weird word choices that appear to be possible editing errors...first chapter for example:
Those words are typos if anything XD glad you caught those. I try my best to keep to good grammar but blah some mistakes just sneak through. Also thanks for the ‘End of Page’ criticism, I agree it’s not really setting up anything for the next chapter. I left it in to try and give a feel of to be continued so that potentially any chapter can have a different choice set up for the reader. I do need a better choice of words for ending a chapter, any ideas? And thanks for noticing, this new story I’m attempting to build a longer narrative for in each chapter, as a side effect it does take the longest for me to write compared to my other story but I don’t mind. I really need to learn to edit my stuff though, but thanks for the feedback!
Personally, I like to end my chapters with a question - a decision point for where the story might go from here. Sometimes it's presented as a binary choice, sometimes it's more open-ended, though I like to generally avoid something as all-encompassing as "What Happens Next?" For you, with longer chapters and a more linear structure (so far), you might include some suitable phrase that sums up chapter and/or sets up the next. Something like She Can Hear Something In Her Head or Her Body Flushes With Sexual Heat - those are pretty terrible, but you get the idea: some statement that suggests a change or development, or gives an idea that there is more to come.
I see. So far i’m attempting to end my chapters on a line similar to the title as to make the whole thing fit. Any comments towards that? As for the chapters end with a follow-up question, I’ll keep your advice in mind. Might be a bit of trial and error before I find something that fits.
Better. It's really about either setting up the next chapter, or framing a decision for readers to make (if you're at a branching point).
I started this story with a lot in mind for it, it’s a slow origin but hopefully I see it more adventure focused with a band of characters to follow. It’s both simple yet difficult to describe hehe, but hopefully my writing and ideas come off as rather entertaining and enjoyable/erotic. I don’t think it’ll be as sex filled as The Game when it comes to other fantasy stories XD but hopefully, like my other story, it’ll find it’s own fans if written well
