Hey guys and gals, SS here. I know my story moves kinda slow, but if anybody wants to leave any feedback, positive, negative, constructive, or otherwise, please go ahead. Thanks!
I appreciate the light tone and the fact that there's a clear "Harry Potter" influence while still being its own thing rather than an actual HP parody/slashfic. The writing in some segments is a little... terse? I think it was the "use your hands" branch that had a stretch of several sentences that were all "(subject) (verbed) (object)", more or less, and I felt it could use a bit more flavor. If you can't go purple with your prose when writing erotica, when are you going to get a chance? I'm also a bit perplexed why some early segments are divided as they are; is the protagonist ever actually going to go anywhere but The Academy, for example? Many of the branches seem to make the protagonist more passive than active in his interactions. And that's partly a matter of taste, but I'd enjoy a bit more variety. I should also note that there's another story on CHOYA with the same title, which made yours a bit harder to find. The descriptions have some great details, and I appreciate the feeling of not quite knowing what's going to happen in a broad sense. I hope that's somewhat helpful. Best of luck with your continued writing!
Awesome! Thanks for the feedback! I'll look into some revisions. I tend to write before I go to bed, which ends up meaning that I either really want to hammer out this idea I had or that I just want to finish the chapter. In the case of the second mood, my writing tends to go down in quality, like with the "Use Your Hands" section. Thanks again for looking at my story! SS
