D&D Dynastic Delving

As my story is no longer filled as a 'New Story' and ergo will get fewer views and less feedback I have decided to open this thread to discuss where the people, all 28 of you so far, who have favorited the story would like to see it go.

For our first topic of conversation:
I have noticed something bizarre, both of the two negative votes I have received on the story have been to the very first chapter: Why do the people think that is? (And if you are one of the people who down-voted the first chapter, would you please drop in and explain? I can't improve if all the feedback I get is: "I don't like it." You need not fear retaliation, it would be petty, and pointless, as soon enough the dislike button is going bye-bye...)

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, here's a link, or check my signature: D&D Dynastic Delving

 

Hello!

I don't normally comment on other peoples' stories, but I have noticed that you have been frustrated by the lack of feedback via comments and people wishing to contribute to your story.

For the sake of replying, I have read through the introduction and thought it was well-written(as the like that i gave it says). However, while I have seen it come across the recently updated section on the front page in the past week or so; I haven't really felt compelled to check it out just yet in its entirety. The reason why? Well, outside of the fact that I really don't read much on chyoa anymore and spend most of my time writing instead. It's only been recently that I've gotten the courage to actually write a story for myself, but I've been a lurker since the old Chyoo site. One thing that I've learned is that there have been numerous D&D or RPG stories that have graced the pages of this site(and the old site) over the years. I even wanted to write one myself at one point. Ultimately they all met the same fate, abandonment. Now, does that mean your story will meet the same fate? Not necessarily, it mostly just means that I don't have a lot of confidence that a D&D story will be fleshed out to a decent length.

That brings me to another point that I only discovered after reading the introduction and checking out the story map. You have a lot of options...mostly for selecting the protagonist right after the introduction...that dead end very quickly. In fact, the only two that actually seem to have a fair amount of content right now is Gertrude Schwinn and Alexander Fitzroy. The rest just have a chapter or two. Now, back when I was reading a lot of stories on chyoa, options that dead ended almost immediately was a near constant pet peeve of mine. Since I have been writing, I think I have a pretty good idea of why that annoyed me so much. It breaks immersion. Every time someone has to go to the previous chapter to pick another option, or go into the story map and find another branch of the story that actually goes somewhere, they have to sort-of reset their mindset and work to get back into the story. Imagine for a moment that you're a casual chyoa reader. You don't use the story map and you just get on and read whatever. They see your story and check it out and they want to play as Constance Endermire. Well, unfortunately you don't have that story going anywhere yet. So they go back and decide they want to play as Grunyar Highslate. It even has a little bit of content, but ends right before something naughty happens and they have to go back again. Now they're a little frustrated and decide to pick Thomas Fergus Zithembe(I think that's spelled right). There's a chapter after that, but again it ends with disappointment. They now have a choice to either go back yet another time and pick someone else, or give up on the story for now and move on to a different story that has more content. I know which one past me would pick.

As far as the feedback goes. I wouldn't get too into whether your story is getting a lot of likes or not. Write for you and write what you enjoy writing. If you get likes, then you get likes. Reading through the introduction to the story, I don't see anything that I would consider a red flag. Your writing is good and it's not like you're writing something that would warrant a large amount of negative feedback(unlike some stories). I think your biggest problem now is simply that your story isn't deep enough. There's just not yet enough there for people to get decently invested in. The best way to get likes is simply to write more and that's conveniently also the best way to get views and feedback as well. The more you write and publish chapters, the more your story appears on the front page and the more people will see that it's an active story. Of course, your story will also get deeper if you write more. There are many people much like myself who won't even touch a story unless it's more than 5,10,15 chapters deep.

Anyway, Stay positive, keep writing, and don't give up!
If you get demoralized and give up on a story before it goes anywhere, then you'll never have a story with a lot of likes.

 

Thank you!

You have just revealed I think the flaw which is killing the story, one I had personally not even considered. To many options at the start, too little content behind them!

Well, now to ask a new question: How far down the trees should I go before I call it? For myself I will not even look at a story more than about 20-25 chapters deep, it's just too much of a time commitment to read that much content. Does that sound like enough of a deapth for the story to everyone?

 

Well, everyone has different preferences. I am hardly a master at writing popular stories.

It's important to keep in mind that while we all try and write compelling stories. Chyoa is at the end of the day a site for erotic literature and most people who read stories want sex to be involved...even if it's not the main focus of the story. Heck, I don't even submit a new story for approval and publication unless it has at least one sex scene. That has worked out....pretty much 50:50. I only have two stories. One has gone very very well and the other has been pretty much shuffled into the "things I'll work on if I ever get time" department.

It might give you something to work towards though. Typically, sex in a decent story doesn't show up until after the 5th chapter...if not later.

Also, I'd like to state that my comments shouldn't be taken as "More options are bad!" Reading back over what I said, it sort of implies that(at least in my mind). I love stories with a lot of options. I don't want to see that suddenly your stories all only have one or two options due to my advice. It's just that those options then should have some substance behind them.

 

Understood and agreed with, at least in the broad strokes.

The most specific disagreement is the timing of the sex in a story: it should happen when it makes sense for it to happen: whenever that is. Could be on page two, could be on page twenty-two, as long as it makes sense to have the sex scene there and be a compelling story up to that point, that's when it should be done.

 

Sure!

Certainly don't force a sex scene where you don't think it's important or needed. I wasn't implying that you need to do more sex scenes. Just that writing until you get through the sex scene might be a good way to gauge how much content might be enough for one option before focusing on another. By the first sex scene, there should be enough story for a reader to get engaged.

 

I was moved to look at my stories to see where the sex started in my stories: Ch 1, 1, 3, 3, 4, 5+ (though the last has some heavier set-up chapters).

But I have an attraction for in media res -- starting in the middle of things -- and with "In From The Snow", the sex scene helps establish the main characters, and is quickly and rudely interrupted by the rescue radio, and the plot.

For a story with world-building, character-building, and plot establishment, deeper could make more sense, especially if the sex scene is a plot payoff for the right decisions.

 

I too have an attraction for that, simply because, if you don't do that, where does one start?

Every ending is also a beginning, and vice versa: How do you chose a point to begin?

With the protagonist meeting their foil?
With a sex scene as Zingiber has said?
With the protagonists birth? (Another frequent point for me to kick things off.)
At the Dawn of All Time?

Mostly I chose to start in the middle and then back fill.

 

And, regrettably, this met the same fate as the other D&D stories on the site... That said, I NEVER fully give up on a story, not till it reaches its proper ending. So, in light of the soon-to-be sub-forum for critique: I am bumping this thread and asking for ruthlessly honest and thorough but constructively phrased criticism of the story thus far...

 

Say I wanted to make a very non-human character (lizardfolk, dragonborn, etc). Would that be allowed, and what would be needed to fit them into the story.

Also, I would say the stories main problem is the lack of long threads, since there is about a dozen opening threads, and then they all stop before they reach they reach a dozen choices...

 

Just start writing and once you reach the first logical sex scene I'll approve them all one by one over a few hours...

 

I have been following and enjoying this story very much. My only complaint so far is similar to what GenericEditor168 said: A lot of different characters, but the stories of most have barely even began. Having a bit more focus and development on one character would be nice, for example Countess Veronica du Lac (the first character that was added).