Hey everyone. First time story maker, though I’ve added a few chapters to some other stuff I like. I’m a big fantasy nerd, so blending that stuff with alot of enf stuff is pretty fun for me. I wanted to make something pretty open ended so anyone could add characters or branches. I think it would be cool for it to become almost a shared world kinda thing with lots of characters! https://chyoa.com/story/Embarrassed-in-a-Fantasy-World.57183
To start out with things I like, I think your prose is relatively clean and well-considered, you have a solid grasp of the kinks you want to play with, and you don't use the default "What's Next?" for the question prompt, which is good because it gives better impetus for options. If I had to criticize - some of the chapters are quite short, and a touch repetitive. In the Gwen chapters, for example, look at how many sentences and paragraphs start with "Gwen" or "She." While that's a natural instinct in third-person-centered-on-a-single-character, feel free to mix up the sentence structure a bit, or to give some descriptor. Consider throwing in descriptor like "The warrior," "the swordswoman," "the flame-tressed woman," etc. Or give her a moniker or something like "Firehair" or "Copperhead." Just something to mix it up. As a suggestion for improvement - more detail. Expand on the description of the characters, the setting. You don't need to go full fantasy world and make up words, but give us some idea of the time and place, maybe even have a little fun with things. Beyond that, this is a Generic Fantasy World, but there's no central plot idea beyond "fantasy babes end up naked and possibly raped." That leaves open a lot of possibilities, but it also means there's nothing binding these stories together beyond some vague kinks. If you had common supporting characters and details, it would mean the branches could play off each other a little.
Wow thanks for the really detailed critique! I’ll be honest I’m pretty new to really writing anything in general, and a few of the things you mentioned I’m a bit aware of, but this is all super helpful. I’ve been slowly working at what I want to do with this world, and I’m kinda making it up as I go. The idea was to make it a pretty generic fantasy world, just because I wanted it to be pretty open to anyone else adding chapters and characters without feeling limited. That all said, I appreciate the suggestions and advice, and I’ll see what I can do to keep polishing things and making it better. Thanks!
