Hello there, I'm about 2 branches away from wrapping up my first story, Demonseed. As such, I would appreciate any sort of comments or feedback, that I can learn from and apply to my other stories. Thanks,
Oof! You've put a lot of work into this. I haven't read through every chapter, but I don't find any real issues with your prose. You manage to avoid most of the usual pitfalls with 2nd person, change up the sentence structure so it doesn't get too monotonous, and you have a fair bit of sex. If I had to make a criticism, it's that the sex scenes could be a little longer and more detailed - you have a few fairly short chapters as it is - and you don't always explore relationships between the women and the protagonist.
[QUOTE="and you don't always explore relationships between the women and the protagonist.[/QUOTE] Regarding the relationships my PC has with some of the women, I have noticed that, when he has one, they tend to lean on the sweet/tender/vanilla side. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that, but I am experimenting with more sexually aggressive female characters. Which brings up a question. Where does the website stand on Yanderes?
Also noticed my own hypocrisy. In my author's note, I mention that I hate sequels, but almost all of my endings are open, meaning that the story can continue. But that's kind of the point of the website...
