Hey everybody, I recently started writing my own story, my first erotica. Of course I would be interested in feedback, questions and just talking about it. So whatever you have for me, I am here! https://chyoa.com/story/A-starry-Knight.32704
Well, good things: Chapters are meaty, and well-written. Characters all have their distinct voices. Couple little grammatical and punctuation flub-ups here and there, but nothing terrible - you might want to look at getting Grammarly or something like that if you don't have it already. It's a very linear story - nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't really offer much in the way of branching-off points either, since the chapter titles don't really seem to flow from the questions/prompts. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of the [Act X Ch Y] notation, but that's a quibble. Sex scenes...you don't have a lot of them (which is fine), and what you have is detailed (which is good), but the language is a bit...off. To take an example: This is a chunk of a paragraph to start with, and it's hard to visualize where people are and what they're doing (how does he kiss her without losing eye contact?) - and beyond that, there's a mix of telling-instead-of-showing ("perfectly fine orgasm") which could definitely benefit from leaning more toward the showing. Just from a language perspective, break up the He/She a bit - use their names, a descriptor, etc. It would probably benefit from breaking up the paragraph a bit. For example, if we rearrange and rewrite things a bit: Even that's a little clunky, but you see how it can be a little easier to draw things out.
Hey! Thanks for the Input. About the linearity: I myself don't plan on branching Off. And If somebody else feels like it, the prompts are still there. So they could go with the likely more traditional approach of answering these prompts in the titles. : ) Sex scenes quantity: Yeah wanted to do a good Mix between story, Techno-babble and Sex. So I ended up with roughly 5 chapters in between sex scenes. But that is just how the flow feels right now. Can change anytime ^^ Sex scene details: Well that particular one was the longest/most detailed one so far. Will likely go back to it before starting the next chapter and see how I can improve. You gave my some good hints here. Thanks again!
