Hi guys, I'd love some feedback on this story. It's the first of my stories, and I'm new to writing, but I'd love to hear what you think. A Song of Lust and Smut - https://chyoa.com/story/A-Song-of-Lust-&-Smut.22621
Well, to start off with you've put a lot of work into this! The pictures are a nice touch too, especially as many of the chapters are necessarily brief. I see that you have game mode enabled, but the variables don't seem to be uniformly enabled for the story...that is, it isn't clear that the choices are actively affecting the progress, at least not in the same way. Many of the chapters are, as I said, quite brief. That's not necessarily a bad thing when you've got a game, and the writing you do have is fine. If I had one recommendation, it might be to go back over the text again with an eye toward perspective - sometimes you write in second person ("You have moved...") and sometimes in third person ("Jon has moved..."). Other than that, it looks interesting. There's not really a central storyline or goal for the characters, so at a certain point the branches get fairly linear and just stop because that's as far as you've gotten, but given time I suspect you could fill this out quite well.
Hey, first off, you have a very clean writing style with nice attention to the lore of GoT. I enjoy that sort of thing and starting from the beginning of GoT is its own treat, like going back in time. If I had one tip to offer, it would be the same one I get on my stories: it may be better to sacrifice a bit of time in order to flesh out a few routes further instead of making a whole lot of branches. Of course, ideally, you could do both, but given the limitations of time, your readers may appreciate being able to continue their "own story" far for a long time without having to restart. Of course, in the end, it's your story and you decide if having lots of choices or long branches makes it more fun. That's just a piece of advice I've taken recently I thought you might benefit from! Good luck with your writing.
