This story has gotten more active now so I decided to start up a feedback thread instead of keeping the old story idea thread alive. https://chyoa.com/story/Forbidden-Temptation.6353 This is the story of a love triangle between a widowed Eleven queen, her Arc bodyguard, and an Eleven prince with his eyes on her throne. War has torn the peaceful lives of Queen Ethimilee's and her daughters upside down. Every battle is more costly than the last and her people are losing hope. That is, until an Orc mercenary with a few secrets shows up and turns the tide. Now Ethimilee's is torn between marrying an acceptable partner or following her heart to new and wilder desires. Adders are welcome and any feedback would be appreciated.
YOUR chapters are VERY well done, but I did notice this: Such a small thing, but remarkably jarring for all that, it almost completely pulled me out of the story...
It's in the chapter 'The lessons go well over the next few days' right after Gailand mentions Rinlest's jab
Ah, thank you. The problem here was my phone did a word prediction and i accepted without noticing the error. This is why i prefer to finish my additions on the laptop at home instead of on my phone during lunch.
I too have noticed that even Grammarmy sometimes has this problem... In any case, I'm not able to devote the attention reading this story deserves to it at the moment, but I like what I've seen thus far...
Well I have my plans set for at least one more Broaden addition and a partial plan for Ethimilee right now. I also have a rough idea for the festival but still deciding on a few important details like who will dance with whom and what will they dance. First though I have to finish another addition for a story i promised a certain coyote and then I can get some more FT going.
Hopefully, I'll be able to get a few chapters for your review this weekend if everything goes well. I've been working on a project recently and that's been taking up the majority of my creative time.
Life happens man, i understand. I was sick over the weekend so the 2+ additions i had planned fizzled out. I look forward to seeing what you come up with. Any thoughts on the Chieftains meeting?
I really liked it. It showed a different side of Broden's personality that hasn't been seen so far. I'm very interested in how Mitri reacts, she thought she was walking into a relationship and instead ran face first into a wall of serious politics with possible severe personal and kingdom-wide consequences.
Hope you liked the new addition! Setting up a few cool possibilities here including multiple endings and marriages. I hope to have another broden post and two more ethimilee posts up by thursdayish.
