Hi All. Wrote a romance story. It's a RomCom for men, and a bit of a slow burner. When it comes to women Don is as hapless as is he is hopeless. When Jessie struts into his life his world fills with the light of hope and dreams. But he soon finds Jessie is no ordinary girl. I would be grateful for some feedback. If anyone would like to join in I would so pleased. Sex scenes wanted https://chyoa.com/chapter/Introduction.682667
General feedback: The writing isn't bad! It's a little dialogue-heavy, and you might try mixing that up a bit - talk about what the characters do while they're talking sometimes, describe them in relation to the scene more, how they feel. My main criticism right now is that while you have a few decision-points, you're not explictly framing them as decisions. So for example, in Jessie Moves The Fun Indoors, you've got two different branches from that point - but the actual "Question" is just the generic "What's Next?" It's not setting up a choice for the reader. You might also run a spellcheck on your chapters, a couple little slips here and here (I do it myself all the time, and have started using Grammarly to help keep track of things.)
