Hey, the author here. Just curious what people think of it: if they like it, hate it, or what needs improvement. Looking for feedback and thoughts. Please feel free to let me know how I'm doing, especially if you're enjoying the scenes. If people want to write their own paths or expand on current scenes, please feel free!! Interaction with all paths and scenes is highly encouraged!! Links to all my stories are in my signature block, thanks in advance...
I know this might seem strange, but I feel the plot has sort of been slow to develop on the Justice League/Batgirl line, which seems to be your main area of focus. Your initial premise is bare-bones, and your first chapters after that don't introduce the protagonist or provide any particular context besides "anonymous self-insert rape fic, pick your victim." Your main point of focus is Justice League/Batgirl - mix of short and medium-length chapters, which are almost entirely sex, not a lot of plot development. The images are a nice touch, but while the writing is competent some of it isn't terribly descriptive - case in point in A Lucky Opportunity: Feels like you dropped a word there. Also, you say Batgirl is injured and badly, but not how - broken ribs? Paralyzed from the waist down? Anything that keeps her from clawing the rapist's eyes out? Most of the chapters end with "What's Next?" which really doesn't set up the next scene very well - it doesn't establish a choice for the reader, if any of them did want to spin off a chapter going another way.
Thank you for the honest feedback. I appreciate it. I realize some sections are certainly more detailed than others. When writing it at the time, the main focus was always on the erotic parts. I've tried to flesh out what details I could for the story, and will eventually go back and update more, along with proof-read and grammar-check everything. I'm sure things can be reworded to flow smoother in places. I just want to get out everything first. The main character doesn't have much of a back-story originally because he is just a two-bit thug who never amounted to anything. I suppose I could have expanded on that some, but his past wasn't intended to be a primary focus. It's more about who he becomes as the corruption continues. Hopefully you will continue reading and see how it evolves. Some scenes are better than others, some are longer than others. I've tried to make them all worth reading to provide some enjoyment. I agree with the 'What's Next' endings, I'm just not really good at how to ask the questions for the reader to choose. I will try to work on that in the future. Thank you again for the comments.
It's that time again... Feedback!! I've added more to the story, started the X-Men thread. Lots of likes, favorites, and bookmarks, but not a lot of comments from people. Please let me know how what you like and how I'm doing, especially if you're enjoying the scenes. Looking for feedback and thoughts. Links to all my stories are in the signature block.
I see you've been busy. It feels like, despite all the paths and the variety of action and the art is a welcome touch, it's still a bit...same-y. The victims change, but you've still got a dominating individual sexually abusing these women with Phlebotinum and I'm not sure what the goal is. It's not that the writing is particularly bad, it's that I don't know where it's going or what the user's motivation is for targeting these women. There's no indication of a broader plan or why they're targeting these particular women. The tagline for the story is Fallen, Defiled, and Enslaved, but there remains the questions of who is doing this, and how and why. Do they want revenge? Do they like a challenge? Is it part of a supervillain plot to get the heroines out of the way? Do they think they're doing them a favor? Is it for the greater good, breeding superbabies to thwart an upcoming apocalypse, or is the protagonist just pathological and feels the need to show how much better he is than these women? Has he been hired to do it, a stone-cold professional, or is he an artiste or auteur of sorts? Is he preparing them for breeding, or sale, or does he want to make them fall completely and then re-insert them into their old lives, with the knowledge that he can come again at any time? Does he want their acceptance or does he want them to fight it so he can break them? Don't consider these as criticisms of the story so much as potential writing prompts. Ways you might further develop the characters and where the story is going, because it feels like you touch on the powers in a couple of places, but it feels a little too easy. Like there isn't any real conflict so far in the story, internal or external. He touches them and panties drop. If that's what you're going for, it's fine, but is that what he (the protagonist) is going for? Is this all according to plan, or are they going to surprise him?
Thank you for the honest feedback. Don't worry, I can take critique without too much rejection. Unfortunately, I also feel some of the same-y factor. That's partially why it takes awhile for new chapters. As for the how's and why's, I would have to say he "likes a challenge, wants the girls to submit, and just likes fucking heroines". The DC ones have more of a purpose, which hopefully will come out as time goes by. At the moment, it is all just a horny-toad fuck-fest mostly because I just like fucking comic-babes. But I do see where I will need to work on some plot foreshadowing, especially with Marvel and X-Men arcs. Thanks again for taking the time to critique.
And I want to emphasize, there is nothing wrong with that. However, the horny-toad fuck-fest level of things can run into problems with an extended narrative. If you want more tension, more twists and turns, it works better to establish the whys-and-wherefores. It's different if the guy is "Batman but focused on fucking superheroines" than if he's a mercenary hired to put superheroines "out of commission for nine months" than if he's an alien conquerer looking for slaves for his intergalactic harem. They all involve quality time focusing on crotch-level dynamics, but the tone of the narrative and the possibilities unlocked are different. (Says the guy who sometimes puts random surreal dream-sequences in his X-rated comics story, so all caveats there.)
It's that time again... Feedback!! Been nearly two years and I've added quite a bit to the story. Lots of likes, favorites, and bookmarks, but not a lot of comments from people. Please let me know how what you like, what you hated *cringes*. And let me know how I'm doing, especially if you're enjoying the scenes. Looking for feedback and thoughts. Links to all my stories are in the signature block.
I don't hate it! And I feel you with the lack of comments. Main criticism is the same as last time, really: it's not quite porn without plot, but the plot is fairly thin and it doesn't seem to have any end goal. Things happen, the heroines are defiled, but it doesn't really look beyond the immediate sexual acts for the most part. The heroines never really have a chance to escape, or turn the tables, or get rescued. The challenge level seems low, and the motivation and end goal beyond "break/enslave a superheroine" just aren't well developed. So it's really just a chain of sex scenes with some sexy pictures. Your first storyline - "Justice League, Enslaved" - at least has the idea of enslaving the entire Justice League. Whether that means completely breaking them into willing sex slaves, or keeping them chained up in the basement to fuck whenever they want, that's at least a goal. I feel like you could do something interesting if you had the villain consolidate their gains - the male heroes of the Justice League might strike back, the enslaved women might try to break out or fall deeper, etc.
