https://chyoa.com/story/Knights-of-Amra.9169 Hello everybody, I figured it is time to open this. „Kights of Amra“ is a fantasy story about an heroine in an epic fantasy world. It is meant as a long story with one long mainplot happening over many years. It is kind of a life story. For me it is important to point out, that it will not be many separate stories but always one. There will be many different story parts, but they will alway meet at some keypoints. As you may have seen I intent to use stats to document the different choices, so later these choices can be used in new story parts. So far it works pretty well I would say, but I will try to make the system better in the future. (meaning: I will change stuff ones in a while). As far as the lore goes: The world is a pretty standart epic fantasy world. I deliberately use cliche. Also I am inspired by Skyrim and the wonderful adult modding community. I write this story in privat mode (at the moment) because of the complicated story system I use, but this does not mean I dont want to hear what you think and like. I am very interested in what you people want to read, what you disliked and what you think I could do with the story. Also if someone wants to contribute I would like this. ( Will not be easy because we would have to work closely together to make the story consistent) I also plan to use this thread as information platform where I will tell on which part of the story I currently work or if I make another pause. If you have wishes concerning what I should write first, please tell me here. One last thing: As you surly noticed, I am not a native speaker so there will be many mistakes. If you dont mind fine, but if it bothers you please tell me where the mistakes are, I will correct them. And now I what to use this space to thank everybody who reads my story already, it is very nice to have readers for a change Greedings Damot
Update 1: As I said , I will dokument important chanches here. I changed the very first chapter to bring more atmosphere and lore into it. May be I will change other erlier chapters to, but I don´t know yet. For now i am working on completing the the slavearc with all bis different subplots, tahn I will go on to the heropart. Also I am planing to transfom the attribute and traidsystem but after I finished the storyarcs greedings Damot
Update 2: Over the last month I tried to correct as many spelling mistakes as possible. I realize, the text was bearly readable. With my new brilliant spellchecker, it should be better. Not perfect, that will never happen, but readable at last. If there are still many mistakes, please tell me, because then I would really need an editor for the Knights of Amra. On an other note. I am finally finished with chapter one ( if you will) and the story arcs will come together again. I realize that there a few points in the story where I could implement more choices and maybe will someday, but for now, I will move on and continue the main story. However if you have a chapter where you have wanted to choose otherwise, the text promised it would leave you a decision but actually did not, you can tell me and I will write this arc for you.
Since my little story finally made it story of the week and I have a few notes anyway, I thought I should show my self here again: First of all, thanks, everyone who reads my story for doing so, despite the mistakes. I appreciate it very much. I will go on with this story for a very long time, the main plot is not nearly finished. Also, there will be side plots witch start a certain "bad endings" like the Ending "Obey" where I will start a completely new story arc which will most likely never fuse back to the main story. My other special story arc "A horrible faith" will go on for a while and get together with the main story, later on, I also plan on having a few more choices in the first mission. I will make it possible to get the charus cunt if you kept the letter, for example. So much for the time being. If you have complaints or suggestions, please tell me her, in the chapters or per pm. And thanks again for reading.
I'll take a stab at helping with the word placement errors. I like your story and your main issue isn't spelling, you just use words that are incorrect but spelled right so your program doesn't catch them. Introduction "Of cause my princess," should be "Of course my princess" Fight "you cut deeps in his shoulder" should be "you cut deep into his shoulder" "Blood splashes in your face" should be "blood splashes against your face" "Of cause he was not alone" should be "Of course he was not alone" Dodge "get up on your feed" should be "get up on your feet" "is craping you from behind" should be "is grabbing you from behind" "other on hits" should be "other one hits" "rams his knee in your back" "rams his knee into your back" in implies that the knee is an object within the back while into is a foreign object striking the back "again, but this time with his cock" the but isn't necessary the comma fills the same purpose in this situation. "the ride eye" should be "the right eye" "Both man are falling to the ground" should be "both men falling to the ground" man is singular while men is plural and the are isn't necessary. "with long blond hair in a leather armor" likely should be "with long blond hair and leather armor" the original statement implies that the hair is the one wearing the armor or that the hair is all inside the armor. "on your feed" "on your feet" "she only askes while" the only makes the statement less coherent. A similar statement might be "is all she asks while" Risk it all "quickly and with precision and swing your" should be "quickly and with precision swing your" The second and isn't needed as "quickly" and "precision" are just adjectives describing the swing, not verbs. "in the same time" technically describes his action but "at the same time" uses the proper preposition for that situation "You don’t give him any option" should be "You don't give him that option" if you intended to mean him escaping is the thing that she didn't allow. At the gates "few clouds are flooding in the blue shiny sky" the word flooding implies extremely large clouds are in the sky. Without it just "few clouds are in the blue shiny sky" works Bargain "he shouts and two men are stepping out of the woods." This sentence is technically correct but "he shouts and two men step out of the woods." is a more natural sentence "give the horse the spore and get away if you are lucky" I think you're trying to say "give the horse the spur" A spore is a seed or a popular computer game while a spur is the little sharp things on the back of boots Flee "in a leather armor" would work if it was "in a set of leather armor" or it could be simplified to "in leather armor" "have the massage" should me "have the message" Fuck "is no fun in this" should be "no fun in that" her earlier statement implies she is indeed seeking and having fun "pulling her dicks out" should be "pulling their dicks out" "smell nubs your senses and" I think you mean "smell rubs your senses and" unless its cutting off her senses which would be "smell numbs your senses and" " only the a few knights of Amra mastered." I think you meant "only a few knights of Amra mastered" unless you're implying its a skill unique to a small order which would be "Only the few knights of Amra mastered" "Good by my friend" Should be "Goodbye my friends" the origional means to do well by someone while the latter is a way of saying farewell. "in a leather armor on the back of a horse" The same as previously mentioned under flee If you'd like I can keep going. If you'd prefer I do it on the actual chapters or via PM let me know.
Wow! That is amazing! Thank you very much. I will correct them as soon as possible ( I am kind of occupied with another story and RL right now, but I will take time for it soon!) If it´s not too much, please continue. I really appreciate it, since it will help me to improve my English! best would be if you post it here I think. Thank you again!
