https://chyoa.com/story/Latex-Slaves-for-the-Elite.26973 Accepting constructive criticism and suggestions. I know latex may not be everyone's cup of tea, but if it is, I hope you are satisfied by it.
Nothing wrong with latex. Used it a few times myself. The introductory chapter is where you provide the "hook" to draw readers into the story. Laying down ground rules there isn't a bad idea. The poll I might have moved to the forum, as it interferes with the formatting a little (i.e. comes between Maisie Williams and Emma Watson - and it'll get a little weirder if you add any other branches). The storyline itself isn't my exact cup of tea (I think the harping-on-feminism for Emma Watson's "fall" is a bit much), but I do like that you take the time to set things up, let the tension build. It's foreplay really, and with a story like this that's all about power relationships the important thing is to selectively disenfranchise the victim, constricting their choices not all at once but bit by bit, letting them fall deeper into the hole, both in terms of their options and, finally, physically. There are a couple little typos and grammar issues here and there - same thing I go through - just for example: You're also going want to keep an eye out for repetitiveness. Think about how many times you use "she" in this paragraph: Some of those could be replaced with "Maisie," "the actress," "the young woman," etc. and make the paragraph a bit more stimulating to read. I know a large part of the appeal for this relatively dark storyline is that the "slaves" are being "forced" to choose this path, but it might be nice if you do decide to branch out to include at least one where she embraces the idea, either temporarily or permanently. Just a thought to consider. Latex descriptions so far are nice, I like the occasional use of photographs - worth a thousand words and all that. You've got a great decision point in Yes, and you might want to consider how to pursue it - whether this is going to be a short "bad end" or if it's going to parallel her more "willing" descent into latex bondage. The last chapter, Cuffs and Collar feels a little rushed by comparison, the ending question doesn't suggest where the story might go. Consider outlining some of the scenes you want to write and what decisions have to be made for her to get there, and that might help.
I'll be deleting the poll later on. Probably tomorrow. I will also probably delete the introduction to the Society and just put in in the beginning chapter as it's important for the story as a whole. The feminism thing is more from Emma's POV if that makes sense. She blames it for her fall but in reality there are other forces at work here. Just thought it would be interesting to write from her perspective since the Society is a patriarchal organization and it's probably the worst nightmare for her. Like with Maisie, there will be "she resists the patriarchy" and "she accepts the patriarchy" branches. Just need a little more planning. Thanks for your advice. I will be doing some more branching storylines later on and I'll try to be better at not being repetitive. Still a beginner.
Back now after a month. Decided to add Fan Bingbing before the other ones I polled previously. Hope to not take as long a hiatus as I did. As always, I am eager to hear some feedback and ideas.
