I’ve just published my first story on this site and I am in desperate need of feedback. https://chyoa.com/story/An-Innocent-Wife’s-Urges.54069 If anyone could read it and tell me if what I’m doing is coherent and interesting or should I keep the stories in my head where they can’t bore people. Please note, I am well aware of my below average grasp of the English language but I’d still love a push in the right direction. appreciate any help you can give.
Well, you've got a decent number of chapters, each of which has a decent length, and the one looping side-branch you have works. It's not really my particular kink, and I find the photoshopped illustrations weirdly specific and distracting, but there are plenty of folks that like the whole "swift descent into slutwife" approch. As far as your prose goes, you do have an issue with formatting where you get big blocks of text with dialogue embedded in them that are hard to read. For example: This is hard to read. If you broke it up and fixed the punctuation, however: This makes it easier to read, but also exposes a related issue: the relative lack of description in some of these sex scenes. Take your time, go into detail, touch on how things feel, physically and emotionally. The descent-to-slutdom happens really quick in the story, but going forward you might want to explore that a little more...how her life has changed, how she feels about that, dealing with the aftermath of doing all these things, what if she's recognized or gets pregnant, etc.
