Ovyah Discovered

Discussion in 'Story Feedback' started by Rubicon, Jan 3, 2019.

  1. Rubicon

    Rubicon Really Experienced

    Hello, all!

    I'm pretty new here, but I'm amazed at how open and friendly everyone's been. I've been writing (and coordinating) the Ovyah Discovered story, and wanted to give people a place to give feedback if they wanted.

    The high concept of Ovyah Discovered is that the eponymous 'Ovyah' is a djinn from another universe and multiverse from essentially forever ago. Her lamp appears in different universes, and she's incarnated in a new form and personality tailored to whatever master frees her. Once freed, she is bound to the Master until the Master dies, with the lamp serving no other function until then. It's a variation on a similar story/addventure started on superstories.net by 'OmegaJay,' and the Spider Man branch has some elements from that story (barely).

    The 'secret' of Ovyah Discovered is that the high concept isn't really a story concept, it's an anthology. Every branch starts with a different character in a different universe finding Ovyah's lamp. The chapters of that branch then (to date) have no direct connection to any of the other branches, though the stories that follow may split and divide a lot.

    I'd love to hear what people think, both about the story as a whole and the different branches/storylines. As of now, those storylines are:
    • Peter Parker/Marvel-616
    • Spider-Gwen/Marvel-65
    • Lex Luthor/DCU - Composite DCAU/Prime - with a side branch/subplot thanks to action writer Colleem
    • An Arrowverse metaspace with Cisco Ramon/DC Arrowverse Earth-1 being the first story.
    • A G.I. Joe starter/GIJoe-RealAmericanHero - launched by action writer CorpseKing
    • Superman/DCU - Composite (not the same as Luthor's universe) - launched by action writer Ziggu45 (this may have been a one-shot, though it's awesome so I'd love to see more as much as anyone).
    Thanks!
     
  2. Rubicon

    Rubicon Really Experienced

    Specifically focusing on my own writing for a moment (Peter Parker, Spider-Gwen, Lex Luthor w/assist by Colleem, Cisco Ramon), I'm trying to make each story a different type of story, depending on its source material, though not beholden to it.
    • Peter Parker: essentially my attempt at a Marvel Comics Harem (in the Anime sense) story. It has the Harem elements with a number of the core Anime tropes (most notably the male member who is reluctant at best, the genki heroine/wife, the sweet heroine/wife, the Tsundere heroine, and so on), but it also has the more melodramatic elements of Spider-Man comics (the Ol' Parker Luck, Peter Parker's guilt complex, Mary Jane coping with Peter's heroic life, Silk unable to be in a room with Peter without wanting Snu Snu, Gwen... um... existing again... and so forth).
    • Spider-Gwen: This is meant to be fast and episodic, like a web series or web comic. I haven't had the energy to add to it a lot, just yet, but I'm going to try to keep this one light and focused on Gwen and Ovyah and their 'oh crap what did you do' lifestyle.
    • Lex Luthor: This, on the other hand, is my attempt at an 'Event Comic.' Colleem's post throwing things towards Lex's revenge on Superman and Lois Lane sharpened that a lot, since it really gave the sense of "here's how X-Event Crossover affects this regular series!" There'll be some more of that. It's also a chance to write Lex. I love Lex. At the same time, since it's epic and an event, it's also where the most horrible things will happen for right now. There's likely to be more fetish stuff than in other branches I write. I'll try to keep the tags up to date.
    • Cisco Ramon: A flat out attempt to write a prose adaptation of a nonexistent episode of the week of 'The Flash.' I can't cleave fully to the act structure and it will probably have more than 42 minutes of televised action, but I'm shooting for the look and feel -- lots of banter, lots of implying they're on a CW superhero show budget so Ovyah's powers are way lower key.
    I'm weirdly tempted to try writing Ovyah in Greek Mythology in pseudo-Robert Graves translated Homeric poetry, but the audience would probably be limited.
     
    cottoneye likes this.
  3. cottoneye

    cottoneye Virgin

    I don't have an in-depth critique for you right now, but I just wanted to say that you are very good at the "people try to make sense of bizarre situations" school of dialogue.
     
  4. Rubicon

    Rubicon Really Experienced

    Thank you very much. :)
     
  5. Rubicon

    Rubicon Really Experienced

    Added a couple of scenes and approved a couple of things from other people.

    On my side, I'd added a Tony Stark meets with Cindy Moon and Mary Jane Watson scene to the Peter Parker branch yesterday. It featured unexpected fisticuffs and something potentially more pleasant than Wonder Woman's lariat. And I'm actually pretty happy with the scene -- it was night and dramatic and pulled from some old old Iron Man history that mostly gets forgotten today (though it's not quite done with that)...

    ...but I sometimes worry I'm not putting enough sex in my erotic story, so I added a full on Subway chikan scene today. Power of Djinn Sex, eh?

    I'll try to get some forward motion on some of my other threads later today.
     
    cottoneye likes this.
  6. Rubicon

    Rubicon Really Experienced

    The Spider-Man branch dominated my last week's writing, to the point where I've split it off into its own story -- The Seductive Spider-Harem! -- which has moved on to Issue #2. The question is, will I run out of iconic Spider-Man issue titles I can make dirty?

    (The answer is no. No I will not.)

    Anyway, I have an in-branch link at the point the story diverges, so if you're reading the branch you'll be able to keep right on going by following that link.

    I'll try to get some Lex and Vibe stuff done in the next couple of days, if Spider-people will leave my brain alone.
     
  7. Rubicon

    Rubicon Really Experienced

    Finally got back to this, adding a new chapter to the Lex Luthor branch... actually explaining his plan in perfect 'Act Two Villain with a Captive Hero' style. Well, I hope perfect. You know what I mean.
     
  8. Ms. Hammer Critic

    Ms. Hammer Critic Experienced

    My only regret is that he didn’t end the suckle by thanking her for coming to his TED talk.
     
    Rubicon likes this.
  9. Rubicon

    Rubicon Really Experienced

    It could be the signature of the Ovyah stories -- at some point there's always a powerpoint presentation, preferably with nudity!
     
    Ms. Hammer Critic likes this.
  10. Ms. Hammer Critic

    Ms. Hammer Critic Experienced

    Tags: PowerPoint, forced orgasm, Getty Images watermark

    (I jest. Your Lex clearly dogfoods internal stock images.)
    (You jest, but PP-style progress charts would enhance this story quite a bit.)