In the UK it's national poetry day, so just for fun I thought I'd dig out a poem I wrote a while ago. This is all my own work, it was an answer to a quiz question that set my mind going. The TV quiz QI (Series M Episode 14: Messy, answering the question “what’s the most inappropriate thing beginning with “M” that has been kissed by the Pope”) The QI elves apparently fished this gem from “A Complete History of the Lives and Robberies of the Most Notorious Highwaymen, Footpads, Shoplifts and Cheats of Both Sexes” by Captain Alexander Smith. The below is based on the true (well, supposedly true) story of The Highwayman Captain Dick Dudley who purchased a pubic wig, or Merkin, from a peddler. He met the peddler on his way to Rome, having fled Britain he was on the run from the law. He sold the merkin to the pope for 100 ducats. QI said it was probably true and one of two possible popes who bought the merkin claimed to be St Peters beard. St Peter’s beard The Highwayman Captain Dick Dudley was cunning and brutal The cries of his victims were harrowing but futile He spent his loot like a rich old earl On a jug, bottle and a sweet young girl His crimes were so great troops were sent To bring him in and make him repent With his money gone and the law on his tail It was to Rome that his boat set sail. On his journey he formed a plan By chance he’d met an interesting man. A tinker and seller of strange things he offered tat disguised as diamond rings The peddler asked if he had ever seen a merkin When ‘no’ was the reply the peddler was smirking. It’s wig of sorts, used by ladies of the night Although if worn on the head you’d get a fright These women of ill repute wear them in bed but at quite the opposite end to the head Coins were exchanged and the deal was struck The merkin was Captain Dick’s and with it the luck He cleaned and brushed the merkin with great care For it was holy eyes that were going to stare None would have believed his plan stood a hope As he bribed and bullied his way to the pope Even for the Highwayman it was a daring bluff To convince the pope with this fake muff ‘I have here Saint Peter’s beard’ Upon seeing it the pope cheered Such a holy relic, what is your price? 100 ducats would be nice The pope kissed the beard many a time So pleased with the find, he ordered the bells to chime Captain Dick left Rome before his deed was detected He counted his blessings for his plan had gone better than expected! Anyone else got a poem or limerick????
I enjoy writing poetry but it is very time intensive. I put a few terrible short verses in my Catwoman story. It would be fun to have an erotic poem category but I doubt few would join in.
I write Weird poetry. ASH has one of them in my style at the end of the Supernatural ending. Actually, I'm kinda making fun of my own style, so you know... As far as erotic poetry, well, I only share that with the person I'm writing it for. I keep being tempted to publish that chapter on the intro of ASH that just showed up one day called "Eris' Poetry corner..."
