Hi everyone, a few days ago I started a new story called Pornchanger and I got a nice lot of likes (sadly way less comments) and so I thought I put here a feedback thread for my story. I'm writing currently on a main story, although I plan to branch at a later point in a way that the main character will always get back to the main story. I would love if people add their own chapters, either branching off completely or do a detour in the story. One thing: It was mentioned in a comment and I'm aware that my English is a bit crude. It isn't my first language and I'm sorry for that. I just prefer writing on English instead of my mother tongue (I just can't write/read smut in it). I would be happy if someone jumps up to help me with it but until then I just will keep writing as long as people enjoy it regardless. The story is about a guy waking up in a forest, naked and without memory what happened in the forest. But he quickly finds out that he has a life changing effect on other people. We follow hm on his journey of learning about his new power and to try find out what happened to him. Looking forward to everyone's feedback. Thanks for it in advance
Hi Pingu, interesting idea for a story and good choice of pictures. I fixed some punctuation and word choice in your introduction without changing the meaning of the sentences. Unfortunately I never learned how to teach English so I can't easily explain why I made the changes that I did. You'll just have to trust me Words you can use instead of slowly (google "synonyms" for more): Sluggishly - slowly, because you're tired With difficulty - slowly, because you're in pain (real pain or mental pain) Cautiously - slowly, because you're afraid
I'd be wary of simply exchanging the word slowly for a synonymous word though. It'll start to read like: Sluggishly, he sat up...Cautiously, he looked around...Slowly, his memory came back... At a certain point, it starts to read as if it's straight from a thesaurus. I'd recommend taking out the repetitions all together (repetition can be an effective tool, but here it's reinforcing the slow movements of the character, which becomes monotonous). Trust the reader that if you tell them the character is moving slowly or being cautious that they'll keep it in mind, at least until the next paragraph.
Thanks for the suggestions on the intro ... I will probably overwork everything at some point ... currently focusing a bit on content although ... Which brings me to a point, what people think about the idea? It feels it is quite liked. And I'm always looking for good girls to use in the story, so I'm open for suggestions (without guarantee how and where they show up)
You might be interested in this story; it's a similar concept to yours but they treat each picture as a self-contained story instead of chaining them together into one story. https://forum.chyoa.com/threads/a-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-words.1210/#post-33983
