I’m posting a thread here to see if anyone can leave any comments or ideas regarding my story along with questions they have as well. Just want people to be open to ask anything at all if they’re interested really. In the story you follow one of two new students entering a private school and participating/enduring in the public life that follows. School life is chock full of drama, it can get complicated XD https://chyoa.com/story/Private-school,-Public-life.19845 Questions, comments, ideas and any feedback are welcome! I try and add a new chapter daily but after starting another story I’ve slowed down to updating every few days. Buuut who knows, if a lot of ppl ask for more I’ll gladly do more for you guys Enjoy!
Well, you've got two very long linear narratives going - with a few shorter side branches. It might be interesting to see the side branches extended or tie back into the main storyline. First person narratives are a bit tricky, and if I had any criticisms for your style it's that the "I" can sometimes overwhelm the writing - not every chapter by any means, but occasionally you have 2-3 sentences or paragraphs in a row that start with "I." Likewise, sometimes your paragraphs cramp together - this is especially noticeable when they contain embedded dialogue, as in Fantastic, where the last paragraph really should be broken up to make the dialogue easier to read. Basic ideas...they're still high schoolers, so there's going to be some playing around. Watching porn, sneaking cigarettes or drink, finding dirty books in the library, etc. Might be some material for you there, setting up situations where Alex/Alexis might be inspired to try new things like mutual masturbation.
You know I’m glad you mentioned the overusage of “I” as I’ve caught that and attempted to use it less frequently in my current chapters, like a bad habit that I’m slowly withdrawing from haha. I’ll be honest, I left the side branches because I am horrible with multitasking. I set up a female narrative both because I had ideas and also because some fans asked for it. The side branches are incomplete (aside from one that i lazily tied back to the main story) and I should work on extending them in the future. Same thing when it comes to organizing paragraphs, I need to go back and edit them to be better and flow more smoothly. My early work was a bit messy XD I like to think I’m getting better though, but thanks! Basic ideas I’m so glad you mentioned those! This is what I’ve been looking for when it comes to feedback! Thanks a ton now I’ve some more ideas for future chapters on my hands hahahaha
