Hi everyone !! Those months i lack of inspiration... Would be cool if someone could ad chapters to my story!! Or tell me their opinion about it, to improve it and maybe give me more idea https://chyoa.com/story/Girlfriend-Stolen-(pls-add-chapters).35608 Thank you all NickG
I took a small look(read the first chapter, story info, chapter titles, and rule/guideline section.) I was wondering how ironed out the details of the possession are? Is there a time limit or is it permeant, is it a conscious action for the one doing the possession, what happens to Tracy after being possessed is she awake aware of the change? I would also change some small details about the first chapter some of the dialogue is suggestive towards having an older sexually charged woman possessing Tracy's body. You most likely want it to be a more neutral tone, so the story flows better if the person possessing Tracy is someone different, say a shy trans boy? Who got his wish granted to have the body of a gorgeous girl? Maybe who had a secret crush on Tracy's boyfriend(you) but never confessed or told you how they felt because they were ashamed of their body and didn't know if you would except them. For the family routes, if the possession is permanent you can have a family event scheduled like a holiday dinner where everyone meets up, maybe the first time Tracy meets the person possessing her body face to face, if she already hasn't tried tracking her body down. Even further in the family routes does the sister have a boyfriend, the mother and grandmother husbands or lovers? How would Tracy interact with her new circumstances and the life she was thrown into and the dark secrets they hold. You could have dual chapters of both Tracy's perspective and the person possessing her body. The person possessing Tracy what are their goals? Do they want to be with her boyfriend(you) or are they more interested in doing all the extreme depraved thoughts they had with no consequences or regard to how it effects Tracy and the boyfriends relationship. Honestly I could give you like 15 different plots or ideas to run with if you want them, I won't have time or much interest to write my own chapters for your story, as the things I suggest aren't really my cup of tea. However I will point out every typo or mistake I find in the first chapter of your story when I have more time later tonight. P.S. I would change the POV section to both or just female as very little appears to be told from a male perspective.
Here is an edited version of your first chapter I tried to focus on just correcting the obvious typos without changing or adding to much of my own words. I know writing in a second language can be tough as I have helped friends previously when they started translating their work into English. I would recommend having a friend who knows English proofread your work or running your writing through a spell checker before publishing it.(Granted the chapter I edited here is over two years old so I don't know if you have gotten any better.) [You are a boy, 18 years old. Your name is Tim and you have a wonderfull girlfriend, enveryone arround you are jalous about her. She is the perfect girl, angel face, slim with perky and perfect breast and ass] changed to --> You are a boy, 18 years old. Your name is Tim and you have a wonderful girlfriend, everyone is jealous of you. She is the perfect girl, angel face, slim with perky and perfect breast and ass. [But a morning she is standing at your door and she's not the same anymore...] changed to --> However this morning she is standing at your door and she seems foreign to you. (Side note does Tracy not live with the boyfriend? if so it's a little strange for the first action they have after possessing Tracy would be to run to his door.) [She is acting weird, and looking at herself in the mirror like she has never seen her perfect face and body.] changed to --> She is acting weird, and looking at herself in the mirror like she has never seen her perfect face and body before. ["Oooh yes! And I think I've never been this good for a very long time! " Tracy said with an evil smile] changed to --> "Huh, I'm fine! I haven't felt this good in a long time! " Tracy said with an evil smile. [With that she look at you with hungry eyes, removing her top and approaching you. She then kiss you like a godess, taking your cock in her hand.] changed to --> With that she looks at you with hungry eyes, slowly removing her top as she approaches you. she then begins kissing you like a goddess, taking your cock in her hand. [You: "I don't know, it was different... You are a bit strange, are you sure you are feeling good?"] changed to ---> You: "I don't know, it was different... You are acting a bit strange, are you sure you are feeling ok?" [Tracy: " Look at me little boy, with a body like that who would'nt feel good??!! Aha"] changed to ---> Tracy: " Look at me little boy, with a body like this who wouldn't feel good??!! Aha" [You: "Tracy you are forgeting your top!"] changed to ---> You: "Tracy, you are forgetting your top!" [She put her top back on and said: "It's a shame to hide those abs... This problem will be solved soon. Aha"] changed to ---> She puts her top back on and said: "It's a shame to hide these abs... This problem will be solved soon. Aha" [You: "What did you said?"] changed to ---> You: "What did you say?" [Tracy: "Nothing darling, I have to go, my.... Mom whant me to... help her. See ya!! I will have a little surprise for you when I come back!!"] changed to ---> Tracy: "Nothing darling, I have to go, my.... Mom wants me to... help her. See ya!! I will have a little surprise for you when I come back!!" [Then she leave making her ass sway and making sure you can see it.] changed to ---> Then she leaves making her ass sway and making sure you can see it.
