Hey all! I'm new here and just started writing a story called Trying out Tinder about a naughty girl Melissa cheating on her boyfriend Greg with random guys she meets. Melissa also has an equally naughty and bitchy best friend called Amber who I want included in some story lines plots. https://chyoa.com/story/Trying-out-Tinder.22422 I think I've got a good start, but after starting I've noticed how much I have to write. There is so much I could do! Any suggestions for more type of guys that she could find on tinder? any popular date or sex locations she could end up at?
First of all, just a bit of constructive criticism. I've only gotten to the second chapter, but you start off about 90% of your sentences with nouns, and most of those are with the main character's name. This becomes rather repetitious fast, and whilst that can be a useful tool at times, it's best to vary up your sentences a bit. For example instead of: Amber replied quite quickly. 'You need to move out. Seriously.' Melissa read the text knowing Amber was right. Melissa stared at her iphone screen for a few second knowing it's true and letting the reality sink in as the dots of Amber busy typing a new messages appeared. Amber began to send a series of texts. Try: Amber replied quite quickly. 'You need to move out. Seriously.' With a sigh, Melissa read the text. As much as she hated it, she knew Amber was right. Whilst reality sunk in, three dots appeared on the screen of her iPhone, telling her Amber had more to say. As for sex locations, there is near-limitless potential with the concept. Swinger parties, BDSM dungeons, hotel hookups, quickies in public toilets, being lured out to a science lab for experiments, going to a guy's place, only to find out that he likes dressing up as a pterodactyl and going "Ca-Chak" as Melissa goes down on him.
