Oh, man, I hesitate even to ask, but if anyone does have any feedback I'd be happy to listen. For whatever its worth I personally dislike Vanessa's first chapter, and plan to at least partially rewrite it sooner or later. https://chyoa.com/chapter/Introduction.270180
Personally I think it's great - very well written and a focus on the psychological, and a realism of character, that is always good to see a CHYOA story going for. But I know that it isn't useful to just come by and say "great job!", so I'll say that the most criticism I can think of so far is that the first chapter doesn't set the tone as well as it could. As far as advice goes, the main thing that comes to my mind is not to fear being heavy handed or 'offensive'. This is NOT the same as saying that you need to increase the pace - on the contrary, I think the pacing is great, in contrast to a lot of stories (including more than a few of my threads, ha) that end up feeling rushed. But it's important to whet the reader's appetite for the kind of depravity that's going to be appearing. I'm not sure how to go about any of this specifically. The first thing that comes to mind is that the 2nd and 3rd chapters are good enough to stand on their own as an introduction, and some of the insight into Vanessa's character that we get in what is currently chapter 1 might flow better if it were moved to later in the story. Again, I'm having to reach for a lot of these criticisms. Overall it is excellently written and I look forward to seeing just how hardcore it's going to get
Trust me, I have *no* problem taking straight praise without criticism I am very much in agreement about Vanessa's first chapter. It bugs me, and is slated for a rewrite at some point. Eliminating it is an option I didn't really consider, but that would certainly be the easiest solution and probably acceptable, especially considering I don't even want to look at it right now.
