I keep forgetting that this site has a forum, and that it could be a great source of inspiration for stories, so here I am. While this story has quite a few threads and chapters in its original home, I figured that beyond just moving things over, chyoa could be a chance to expand on ideas or take new routes or takes for the character. (A Mackenzie thread is likely coming in the near future as well, so fear not for fans of that story.) I suppose, at least here and so early in its life on this site, I'd like to know potential settings or plots they'd be interested in seeing? I've found that I work best when either working in tandem with another author, or when a general outline of a plot has been hashed out. And while Mackenzie may be the bigger story (I think, maybe I'm wrong) Yuki was the first character I created, and as such is one I want to see done right. So, ah, without further ado, I'd like to open the floor to ideas or commentary.
I felt like I was probably forgetting something important... Lemme go ahead and fix that. https://chyoa.com/story/Yuki's-Horrible-Days.31793
You might want to emphasize that Yuki is 18 or older; because of the site limitations (which differ quite a bit between CHYOA and writing.com). I'm hoping you got permission from everyone to move their chapters over. The writing itself is fine for the most part, but many the chapters are quite brief compared to standards here, and the story as a whole might benefit from greater description of the scene, the individuals, and the experiences. Pacing is okay, and I can sense that this isn't going to be anything John Waters-level of gleefully depraved, but it is very linear at the moment, and it feels like you might want to plot out more decision points or branches - it's hard to gauge this day against the rest of Yuki's life up to this point.
Valid points, to be sure. I've yet to run into any issues with moving chapters over in the past, and in the event that an issue does arise, well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. A lot of the more brief chapters were the result of this being my first foray into this kind of writing (in the case of chapters of my own that have been moved over) and, perhaps somewhat ironically, from using writing.com's chapter limitations to create more branches. I'd considered ways to rewrite shorter chapters to flesh things out a bit more, but doing that ran into issues of then making existing future chapters more clunky to integrate. I'll definitely take the advice of fleshing out the scenes more to heart (again, a lot of it a relic of my early writing days.) The linearity is also arguably a holdover from writing.com, where I always felt some attempt at linearity was encouraged. Lastly, when it comes to gauging this day against Yuki's life... yeah, fair point. Perhaps more narration to establish how unprecedented the situation of any given branch is from her life. The idea is definitely that the stories each represent a uniquely horrible day in her life, and being that none of them are necessarily canon to any of the others, she'll potentially have no past experience to size up her predicament against.
