Reviving a Literotica Forums thread on this story. I was the only contributor to the story and to the comment thread, so it's possible that faux Victorian/Edwardian steampunk/electropunk is not to everyone's taste. Or maybe the male-male references and threads turned some folks off, or just that Chyoo's participation was flagging when I added this story. I added a new thread to Lucy's Portion on Chyoa yesterday. Throwing the big galvanic switch to see if anything staggers up alive from the current. Story Tags so far: (updated 6/13/2015) half-sibling incest, lesbian masturbation, adultery, sapphist, lesbian secret society, lesbian, lesbian anal, fool for love, premarital sex, railway clerk, gay anal, lesbian rimming, voyeur, Sappho, railway, anatomy, voyeuse, railway train, vulva anatomy, postillionage, squirt, writer-notes, sapphism, anal fingering, rimming, inheritance, about, Victorian, steampunk ---- Lucy's Portion I'm hoping to keep the character interaction and motivation strong and develop the setting. The basic premise: In a baroque steam-electric-and-airships pseudo-Victorian England, house servant Lucy Longbottom, fatherless daughter of another servant, is recognized in the will of Lord Jeremy Netherwood as his eldest daughter, and given a significant inheritance appropriate to her status as a family member. All her life, Lucy has worked for the Netherwood family and has been exploited by them, since her position as a servant without her own family has left her completely dependent on their good graces. Jeremy's son Edmund has been the most shameless in taking advantage of her, especially sexually. Lucy's own illegitimate daughter Annie, however, has been more greatly favored, acting as a companion for Edmund and his wife Clarissa's daughter Sabrina. When Lucy became pregnant, Lord Jeremy and Lady Catherine insisted that Lucy stay on without change in her status, for which Lucy was deeply grateful. Lady Catherine herself took advantage of Lucy by appointing Lucy her sexual aide after Lord Jeremy's death. Lucy is torn inside as concerns her loyalty to the Netherwoods. She considers it partly honor and duty to be loyal, and partly simple survival, as she has had few other prospects than to keep them happy enough to keep her on. But now that it's revealed that Lucy has been one of the Netherwoods them all along...what will she do? Now that she's her own woman, what does she want? Or will she just slide into a role as Annie's mother, trying to make life better for her daughter? ---- This story's set-up is an invitation to mix in sexy parody versions of British or more broadly European literature. I'm imagining a span of roughly 1800-1914, whether Jane Austen (the marriage-land-reputation swirl), the romantics (tormented passion, struggles to be true to one's self), D.H. Lawrence (the infernal industrial mechanism vs. the throbbing sexual core); Jules Verne (airships and submarines to wild remote places of adventure); the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (a suspense-and-action mash-up comic using characters from adventure novels of this era); or pure polysexual naughtiness such as The Romance of Lust [keeping it within site rules, of course]. ---- What will Lucy's portion be? Lucy's Portion ---- Lucy is in her mid-to-late thirties. Edmund and Clarissa are a bit younger. Sabrina Netherwood and Annie Longbottom are just eighteen. ---- Possible directions to develop Lucy? * Other than inheriting a title, or receiving life tenure of an estate, what other alternative bequests might Jeremy have left to her? * More about Lucy's past. She's more literate than a mere house servant. Did she have someone who favored her when she was young? Does she have an inquisitive nature, and she perhaps spied on Edmund's lessons, or a sister, if he has one? * Where does she find joy? What does she want for herself? Does she have secret vices? Friends or contacts inside or outside the Netherwood estates? * Does she try and contact "Paul", now that she's an independent woman? Edmund claims to Lucy that Paul was his gift to her in this thread: Rose Court. * Circumstances of Annie's conception. Is she Edmund Netherwood's, or someone else's? * What of Lucy's mother, Margaret Longbottom? Is she still alive (in her mid-fifties?), or is there any family on that side? * Lady Catherine had female lovers with Lucy in attendance, including the political writer and notorious bluestocking Violet Crandall. Was Lucy involved beyond mere assistance? Does Lucy still have any connections with Lady Catherine's lovers? Possible side directions of development: * Edmund and Clarissa's airship journey. What are they like as man and wife? Why did she marry into the family, and what his her family like? * Sabrina and Annie's "finishing school". Some of it will at least teach politeness and propriety, but there may be an "underground" part to it as well. * The extended Netherwood family. Are there any nephews, nieces, or cousins with an interest in Lord Jeremy's estate? Are there any more out-of-wedlock relatives in the family tree beyond Lucy herself? * Footman Jack claims that he was on his knees polishing Edmund's penis as often as his shoes. Do Edmund's sexual impulses for men extend beyond the convenience of demanding his footman to orally relieve him? ---- More directions for development. * Will we see Jack again after that kiss in the introductory thread? Is his remark about Lucy having "hot blood" borne out by any of her history? * Does Lucy have reason to owe the Netherwoods any special thanks or loyalty, beyond those due for their favor to her illegitimate daughter Annie? * Has Lucy ever tried to run away or seek other service? Perhaps this would be a case where the Netherwoods could have rescued her and/or agreed to take her back; possibly associated with Annie's conception. * Does Clarissa have any secrets? One thread suggests that Jeremy has some dirt on her that will be released if she contests Lucy's inheritance. Note: I've used more old-fashioned and longer words in the descriptions, but if you would like to contribute using a less fussy writing style, that would be fine -- especially if you follow someone other than Lucy. -Z. (edit: encourage contributions/alternate styles OK)
Thank you for the kind words, @Torg -- feedback does encourage me. If you feel drawn to any of the story lines -- or want to start one, like following Tessie Longbottom as an airship hostess, maybe even on Edmund and Clarissa's trip -- please contribute, or add suggestions. (I've certainly taken requests for scenes, though no specific ones yet in Lucy's Portion).
With the encouragement of some readers, I had a nice little run from Turn and receive me, Lucy down in Henshawe, Hawke, and Prune, Solicitors' basement WC, featuring a sturdy copper washstand and a mirror. Lucy surprises Jeremy with her feelings for her newly-revealed half-brother. Jeremy surprises himself that he returns them. And Jeremy knows all too well how to provoke his wife Clarissa from coldness into begging and pleading.
Any votes on what Lucy hears at Edmund and Clarissa's airship stateroom door after Edmund goes to his sulking wife at Lucy's urging to "Seize the moment. Love her. Master her. Cover her." Lucy's being euphemistic with "cover her" here. She's telling Edmund to go fuck his wife right now while he has a chance, with the younger members of the party distracted and Clarissa otherwise alone. http://chyoa.com/story/lucy-s-portion/thread/lucy-tells-edmund-to-go-to-clarissa Spoiler: Some ideas of mine 1. Happy fuck noises, maybe Edmund telling Clarissa she has Lucy to thank for the attention; 2. Squeals and spanks; 3. Edmund turning the tables on Clarissa after discovering her impulsively being unfaithful to him with an air steward.
At a pause with the longest-developed path, where Lucy and Edmund confirm each other as lovers and against his wife Clarissa's objections, Edmund brings Lucy along on an airship trip to the Continent to drop off Sabrina and Annie at their Swiss finishing school. Who's knocking at Lucy's improvised cupboard of an airship stateroom? Edmund? Annie? Sabrina? even Clarissa? http://chyoa.com/story/lucy-s-portion/thread/lucy-lies-awake-pondering I've added Annie and Clarissa options. Anyone else?
Extended the Lucy/Annie late night talk. I meandered a bit. I wonder if anyone else would have a take on how Lucy deals with Annie's distressed visit to her makeshift airship cabin in the middle of the night. https://chyoa.com/story/lucy-s-port...ina-i-ve-fallen-in-love-with-sabrina-4aea04bc
Still a one-man band here on the forum as well as for story threads, though I see I have readers! Any suggestions on hooks that might be good to draw contributions? Does the word style seem a bit too precious and literary for folks to want to contribute?
An update to the story tags for my amusement. I still have the problem that when I search for a tag, it will sometimes register for a story but not be found when looking for threads. (I have a suggestion for story tag navigation links but I was gonna wait till Chyoa 2 to pipe up). lesbian, half-sibling incest, sapphist, adultery, lesbian masturbation, squirt, postillionage, lesbian anal, fool for love, angry sex, lesbian secret society, spanking, overheard, airship stateroom, embarrassment, Sappho, railway, flirtation, poetry, smell the glove, fainting orgasm, anatomy, female masturbation, waking, lesbian hate sex, scissoring, teen-lesbian, strap-on, thumb in ass, voyeurs, age play, anal fingering, rimming, vulva anatomy, sapphism, writer-notes, steampunk, inheritance, about, railway train, gay anal, bisexual, lesbian rimming, voyeur, anal, Victorian, railway clerk, premarital sex, forced gay, voyeuse
We still have too few authors on the forum. Plenty start new stories but how many take the next step and contribute to this board where the original author can give more encouragement. I appreciate the detail you put into your story and it inspired me to set up my story better. I have tried hard with my Dr Who story and Cockshoots to create a friendly environment for other writers but I have had less then 5 contributors between them, although more are promised for Cockshoots. I would probably be the ideal candidate to contribute to Lucy's Portion but as you know I am seriously busy with my own projects. Do not worry about your word style, it is the way you want to write although you could say, if you are OK with it, you do not mind if people do not stick with it. I am not sure you could do more with hooks, unless you want to dumb it down and I for one hope you don't do that.
I'll add some words of encouragement to the guidelines. Especially if the author chooses a character other than Lucy, there's space to have their own voice if they feel more comfortable writing in that style.
An overwrought, jealous Clarissa Netherwood wakes Lucy in her storage closet of an airship cabin to upbraid Lucy for adultery with Clarissa's husband Edmund -- now that Lucy is no longer a housemaid, it's no longer beneath notice that Edmund is fucking around with her and has brought Lucy on the airship for that very purpose. Clarissa melts into a puddle of tears at Lucy's challenge and falls asleep in Lucy's arms. But what Clarissa really craves is to sexually serve Lucy, knowing Lucy's own erotic service to Clarissa's late mother-in-law Lady Catherine and likely aware of Clarissa's and Lucy's daughters' own lesbian affair which they're taking into European finishing school together. Lucy, angry at Clarissa's careless insults followed by an awkward admission of sexual desire for Lucy, responds to Clarissa as much from spite as lust, and Lucy nevertheless has so strong a physical response that she has a squirting orgasm and faints, waking to Clarissa greedily licking Lucy's cunt. After Lucy lets it happen and sits on Clarissa's face, riding her to another climax -- Clarissa was red-faced, wet from nose to chin, her bright red hair splayed out under her head. Her eyes were wide, the whites showing round her green irises. She gasped for breath. "Lucy," Clarissa said. "Lucy." Lucy's body glowed with pleasure, but she held her face in a stern mask. "Lady Clarissa Netherwood," Lucy said. "You are twice the Sapphist that I am." Clarissa whimpered. She rubbed her hands over her chin and cheeks and sucked her fingers. "And twice as dirty," Lucy added. "Lucy, I, I... I want..." Clarissa stammered. "What do you want?" Lucy asked. Any suggestions for what Clarissa begs from Lucy? Any contributions? (edit: fix Clarissa's eye color continuity)
I think what may be turning people off your story more than anything is the pervasive incest theme between Edward and Lucy, as well as their cousin/sister children when the story is filed under 'Science Fiction'. Incest is dangerous stuff mate: unless that's your fetish you don't want it sprung on you unawares, and that's exactly what you do. I know I certainly had a hard time reading past that aspect to see where the setting went, and that was only because I had read the notes for authors FIRST and was determined to read it come hell or high water due to having used the phrase in one of my own stories as an homage to what had been one of the most popular stories on the site for a while... Put it into the category it belongs in and I have little doubt it will be far better received.
I'll take that as an individual criticism. Perhaps you'd like to see more development of one of Lucy's other branches?
Honestly, rather: but not for the reason you think: I want to see more exploration of the setting generally: and a less squicky branch to do it in might be just what the doctor ordered. Furthermore, I will have you know I didn't bother reading the other branches as I assumed they'd be more of the same and none of them were deep enough to be worth my time in any case.
Looking back at the story, since I'm considering extending some of the storylines, possibly the Lucy and Carlotta (Lucy and Chop-Chop) train where Lucy takes charge of her now-namesake estate, Old Netherwood with the redoubtable Cook and the doubtful First Footman, met upon the railway.
