Crowning Glory

[Spoox]

Hi,

I would like some feedback on my story. It's been around quite a while and is now rather substantial and well developed. Of course, if you feel inspired I love reading authors contributions

Premise
A young aristocratic girl is left defenceless in a dark, dangerous medieval kingdom. Lady Christine has the realm at her feet, but that world is turned upside down when a cruel sadistic Prince takes his revenge on her family. Left penniless, in a brutal world where everyone seems out to exploit and take advantage. It doesn’t help that she is also tasked with protecting her young brother. Yet Christine is determined to restore her position. But will the struggle, hardship and dangerous world be too much? Will it break her?

Crowning Glory
https://chyoa.com/story/Crowning-Glory.24880

 

[brevdravis]

Ok... I'll give the honest opinion, because I hope that's what you want. I... am a little put off by the exposition dump at the start. Normally I get one of those, and I... tune out. There's a lot to remember, and I don't know If I want to actually know any of this. Which is a pity, because after powering through the story got rather interesting.

The opening choices are nice, gives a good feel to giving peril for the heroine. Some fun paths, nice situations, and fairly erotic sex scenes... at least got my attention a bit.

Going through and giving you a like or a dozen for the hard work, because... you know... you deserve it for everything you've been doing here. Overall, I think the reason I never gave this story a shot was because of the exposition dump at the start. Once I got past it, I was able to enjoy a bit more.

Other than that, nice work, only a few typos that I noted, but you can spot those easy by just doing a quick verbal read through. Look forward to where you're going to take it, and it felt like something you wanted to read, which is always good.
Personally really enjoyed the little poly path you had going on... So kudos there, but I'm a damn romantic, so I always like happy ends.

 

[Spoox]

Ok... I'll give the honest opinion, because I hope that's what you want. I... am a little put off by the exposition dump at the start. Normally I get one of those, and I... tune out. There's a lot to remember, and I don't know If I want to actually know any of this. Which is a pity, because after powering through the story got rather interesting.

The opening choices are nice, gives a good feel to giving peril for the heroine. Some fun paths, nice situations, and fairly erotic sex scenes... at least got my attention a bit.

Going through and giving you a like or a dozen for the hard work, because... you know... you deserve it for everything you've been doing here. Overall, I think the reason I never gave this story a shot was because of the exposition dump at the start. Once I got past it, I was able to enjoy a bit more.

Other than that, nice work, only a few typos that I noted, but you can spot those easy by just doing a quick verbal read through. Look forward to where you're going to take it, and it felt like something you wanted to read, which is always good.
Personally really enjoyed the little poly path you had going on... So kudos there, but I'm a damn romantic, so I always like happy ends.

Thank you very much. I think the info dump at the beginning was a bad idea too. It should have been a separate option named background maybe. I think it was more for myself while I was brainstorming and sort of just stuck around. Haha.

 

[brevdravis]

Thank you very much. I think the info dump at the beginning was a bad idea too. It should have been a separate option named background maybe. I think it was more for myself while I was brainstorming and sort of just stuck around. Haha.

Definitely Fixable, If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion, create a separate "Character Bible/File" on the main page, Copy/Pasta the dump onto it, so it's there if people want the info, which you'd be surprised how many WILL, but only if they like the characters, And do a quick rewrite on the opening to something you enjoy and would like to read to get attention. Just my opinion of course, and when folks ask if it will work...

 

[Spoox]

Definitely Fixable, If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion, create a separate "Character Bible/File" on the main page, Copy/Pasta the dump onto it, so it's there if people want the info, which you'd be surprised how many WILL, but only if they like the characters, And do a quick rewrite on the opening to something you enjoy and would like to read to get attention. Just my opinion of course, and when folks ask if it will work...

Good advice. I will do this, for sure.

So, you like romance. Me too. If you haven't already, I have a rom-com called East Meets West. About naive Arab girl who moves to the UK
https://chyoa.com/story/East-meets-West.27599

You should check it out sometime. It has an offshoot called Mia Makes a Porno, which gets right into the action.

https://chyoa.com/story/Mia-Makes-A-Porno.27895

 

[brevdravis]

Good advice. I will do this, for sure.

So, you like romance. Me too. If you haven't already, I have a rom-com called East Meets West. About naive Arab girl who moves to the UK
https://chyoa.com/story/East-meets-West.27599

You should check it out sometime. It has an offshoot called Mia Makes a Porno, which gets right into the action.

https://chyoa.com/story/Mia-Makes-A-Porno.27895

Well, of course NOW, I'm going to use the opening to reference my own Poly Romance Novel with way too much weirdness... And crazy coincidences. And Coffee. Seriously Rereading, I noted how many freaking Coffee drinking scenes I have. I may do something too much- A Special Hell
https://chyoa.com/story/A-Special-Hell.17292

Heh, but thanks for the suggestions... but I've already read two big stories today... so may need to take a break for a bit.

 

[Spoox]

Well, of course NOW, I'm going to use the opening to reference my own Poly Romance Novel with way too much weirdness... And crazy coincidences. And Coffee. Seriously Rereading, I noted how many freaking Coffee drinking scenes I have. I may do something too much- A Special Hell
https://chyoa.com/story/A-Special-Hell.17292

Heh, but thanks for the suggestions... but I've already read two big stories today... so may need to take a break for a bit.

I will check out a Special Hell. I've seen it knocking about and find the title intriguing. I also love Coffee... Even though I'm a tea drinker by birth. (English)